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Showing 1-10 of 654 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 721 reviews
on March 18, 2016
Dr. Chapman is the author of the best-selling book, "The Five Love Languages".


1. Feelings of being "in love" cannot sustain a marriage, since the average life-span of these feelings is about two years. What sustains a marriage is spouses learning to communicate love in the forms that are most received by their partner.

2. We will often develop uncanny similarities to our parents, including their drinking habits, communication patterns, energy levels, and appearance.

3. Resolving marital disagreements without arguing. Truly listening to the other spouse in order to give an adequate summary of his or her perspective. Agreeing to disagree. Learning to compromise.

4. The importance of spouses making effective apologies for wrongdoing. Learning to speak your spouse's language of apology is more effective than just saying you are sorry. The five different ways of apologizing are 1) expressing regret, 2) accepting responsibility, 3) making restitution, 4) genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior, and 5) requesting forgiveness.

5. Forgiveness is one's decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice.

6. How spouses can agree on doing which household chores.

7. How spouses can most effectively manage their money, and what common major mistakes to avoid, such as purchasing a home they cannot afford, going out to eat too often, buying new cars, and buying too much alcohol. How to live on 80% of your income, give 10% to charity, and save 10%. How couples can agree not to buy something over a certain amount without consulting the other.

8. Resolving common sexual difficulties. Overcoming the myth that husband and wife must reach climax together. A husband should spend sufficient time caressing his wife. A husband participating in household chores will often increase desire in his wife for him. Spouses should only engage in sexual acts they are both comfortable with.

9. How spouses can develop good relationships with their in-laws, by learning to listen empathetically to them, speaking their particular love languages to them, and alternating holidays with them.

10. Spiritual compatibility in marriage has more to do with what each spouse believes in the way God speaks to them and what He has said.

11. How spouses can live with a partner who has very different habits, including Morning person vs. Night person, Optimist vs. Pessimist, Neat vs. Messy, Talker vs. Non-talker, Passive vs. Aggressive, Logical thinkers vs. Intuitive person, and Organizer vs. Spontaneous person.

12. Having a balanced dating relationship by attending to these areas of growth: Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, and Physical.
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on March 11, 2017
I really enjoyed this book as someone who is just starting to contemplate marriage with my partner. While we've addressed some issues, others (like money management) hadn't even crossed my mind. I think that this book is a wonderful starting point for our relationship and I look forward to many stimulating conversations before marriage. I have also read the five love languages, and recommend both to any new couple I come by.
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on July 4, 2017
Most believe that the feeling of love, and attraction, is what's needed to have and instill a successful marriage, If only it were that easy. This read provides the framework for maintaining and preparing for a fulfilling marriage while keeping in perspective the inevitableness of conflict.
Some believe it's as easy as 1,2,3 as long as there's true love, without understanding the issue that there's Two totally different individuals with different upbringings, beliefs and opinions coming together; being joined in matrimony in the hope of a exciting and prosperous future.
The author argues and proves the concept that Love isn't enough, in which I'm sure individuals already married can testify that it takes commitment, and compromise to keep the marriage boat going. There will be times when you will have to pick up the slack for your partner, excuse their bad days, putting yourself last numerous times.
The fundamental belief incorporated within the pages, is that the reason most marriages fail is due to poor planning and understanding of their partners needs, love language and personality.
While in the "love stage", being on cloud nine, we bypass any indication of conflict because we love everything about our person and only want to make them happy. It's not until we slowly come back to reality that we are exposed to traits that "annoy" us. On how different they are from us, on how their beliefs don't align with ours. The way they wish to raise kids, the type of house they want, how they spend and save money, or the most famous, leaving the toilet seat up when it's supposed to be down.
Things I wish I'd known before we got married is a marriage counselors experience and research over numerous years on now to nurture the marriage many desire.
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on July 30, 2015
This is a great book! I have been married 13+ years and enjoyed this book. The bottom line is when you are "in love" you don't think about the logical read flags/warning signs/words of wisdom shared with you. Marriage is HARD WORK, Cinderella isn't real. It is do-able, this marriage biz...but it is hard work! And you will compromise the majority of the time. If you are ever questioning your choices you are not a lone. Do the work! And hopefully you have a partner who is willing to work hard too.
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on July 27, 2016
My boyfriend and I have really enjoyed this book. We bought 2 copies after one of our married friends suggested it to us. It's an easy read, the language is digestible. Please keep in mind that the problems that are mentioned in this book aren't things you have to solve in a day! They're simply things to think about and expect throughout your relationship, into engage tn and marriage.
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on June 4, 2017
Definitely a useful book which my partner and I found useful! The book is helpfully divided into different chapters discussing what Dr Chapman wishes he had known before getting married.

However, the book is definitely aimed at people not already living together - this is the case with me, but for most people, this probably isn't the case. If you already live with your fiance, the sections on budgeting and chores probably aren't as applicable. My other critique is that there are some gender stereotypes in the book.

Overall I would highly recommend it - it's a great way to start discussing the real part of marriage. Dr Chapman's whole idea is to get people to start preparing for their marriage, instead of just focusing on wedding planning!
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on March 24, 2017
This book is mostly for pre-marriage couples. We read it as a young marrieds care group through our church. I felt that a lot of it wasn't super relevant to those that have been married longer than a year. The author is fairly old fashioned when it comes to a lot of things, including money.
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on August 7, 2016
I ordered this because I've been dating same guy for some time. We've both been married before and I wanted us to either have some premarital counseling or do a couple's study together before we make any "major" decision. I highly respect Gary Chapman's wisdom and godly advice and this book showed up in my Googling. I just finished the first chapter, and am waiting for the boyfriend and I to discuss tonight. My best girlfriend has already asked for a copy of this book, and she's on her second marriage.
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on September 12, 2016
What a great book for couples who are considering or planning for marriage. We have used this material for premarital couples counseling. Its a very easy read and extremely practical.
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on December 8, 2013
This book really makes you think. I learned a few things and I've read a lot of books in my day. It's a quick read packed with short and sweet information. If you're like me and like to highlight or underline things, then you'd be wasting your time because you'd be underlining practically the whole book.
I really liked the part where it talks about the different ways people receive an apology. Some people experience apologies differently and need it presented a certain way to actually hear it and take it in. Very interesting. I'd recommend to anyone trying to not only help their relationship but the people you deal with every day.
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