Think Geek Canned Unicorn Meat
We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock.
| Brand | Think Geek |
| Size | 0.25 Pounds |
| Flavor | Beef |
| Item Weight | 0.25 Pounds |
| Cuisine | US |
Product information
| Product Dimensions | 3.15 x 1.18 x 2.36 inches |
|---|---|
| Item Weight | 4 ounces |
| ASIN | B004CRYE2C |
| Manufacturer recommended age | 16 years and up |
| Best Sellers Rank | #299,992 in Grocery & Gourmet Food (See Top 100 in Grocery & Gourmet Food) #220 in Canned & Packaged Spiced Meats |
| Customer Reviews |
4.4 out of 5 stars |
| Is Discontinued By Manufacturer | No |
| Manufacturer | ThinkGeek |
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Product Description
No foolin' - Unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Rick Bite Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn's coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn's outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Tasty Magical Beast Diagram Parts Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you're lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He'll know what to do.
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Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonReviewed in the United States on October 18, 2013
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This was to be my first introduction to Unicorn, far and away the most savory, flavorful meat I have ever tasted in my life. The texture? Perfect. Every bite felt like the first bite. Tender, juicy, magical. Grilled in its own sparkly juices, I felt the 'corn blood filling up inside me... Creating a light-headed euphoria which would last until I had finished the last of my side dishes.
But this??? A disgrace.
Radiant Farms has packaged something so foul, I doubt it even comes from the horse family. While they claim their product is an "excellent source of sparkles," I counted just 7 dim sparkles, and only after taking a flashlight to it. The meat was gamey and bland, not at ALL indicative of genuine, free range unicorn meat.
I'm an older man now, and a lot has changed since that chance encounter in the Enchanted Forest. I barely speak to any of my elf friends any more, and I can't even remember the last time I took in a sunset at Fairy Tale Gorge. I was really hoping that Radiant Farms would have come up with something that could take me back to better days, but alas... I will probably die before I am able to revisit that quaint little bed and breakfast and thank the little old lady one last time.
Sure, I eventually discovered that she was a witch and only trying to fatten me up... But I escaped. And that... Is a story for another time.
It is cleverly packaged, all the way down to the ingredients list, description of the qualities of the meat, story behind how the unicorn meat is harvested, and the diagram of different cuts of unicorn meat on the back of the tin... HILARIOUS I tell you! The bottom of the can is easily popped open to reveal a... wait for it... small dismembered stuffed unicorn! MORE HILARITY!!! It's kind of cute and morbid, all at the same time. I can assure you, the canned unicorn meat will not disappoint. From my experience, the product does what it says... it brings happiness, smiles, giggles, and all the other wonderful things only unicorn meat can bring to your recipient. Good times...
Oh yeah. I almost forgot to mention something. You will definitely be asked this question a lot... "Where did you get that?!" Just a heads up so you are prepared to give an answer, whether truthful (boring) or not (fun)!
I was partially bald and I had a hard time getting dates. But after 1 bite, I grew a ferocious mane of thick pink and orange hair and the ladies love me. I was even offered a great job as a circus clown.
I had a short XXXX and the ladies wouldn't sleep with me after 1 night, but now I am hung like a unicorn; and I blew loads of gold seed. Pretty soon I will have bread an army of demi-god children and I will take over the heavens. I even have a few Unitaur children.
I was going blind, but unicorn meat restored my vision to super human levels. Now I can see in spectrums that normal humans can't. I can see ghosts!!
I can see where the leprechauns hide their gold!!!
Everyone should eat unicorn meat --- pooping rainbows is just the beginning.
Normally a jovial fellow, Waine has begun constantly playing practical jokes, and laughing in even the direst of circumstances. I myself have found that my anger and my focus have dulled noticeably. This is not acceptable, for our very lives depend on our abilities to stay sharp and keep our wits about us as we near the Tower.
Should we survive the days ahead, I plan on visiting this farm, and investigating their business practices. I worry about the scale of their operation, what the consequences might be- if the harvesting of these majestic creatures might have unintended results in the future.
Apprentice Swordceror (The Blademage Saga)












