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on April 29, 2013
This book is invaluable for anyone who is or cares about a third culture kid (TCK): one who has "spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' cultures". This experience is common to children of missionaries, parents who work for international corporations, foreign service, aid organizations, educators, media representatives, military service, or whatever takes them out of their home country for an extended period of time. This TCK experience can also happen actually to children who remain in their home country but live in a different culture within it, e.g. those whose parents work on an Indian reservation in the U.S. while not being born to that culture.
Many of the differences the reader would probably be aware of, such as differences in eye contact, handshaking, pointing and other mannerisms. I remember walking out of a training about Native American communication where we talked about the fact that direct eye contact can be a sign of disrespect to elders in that culture, and having a conversation with a young man who made no eye contact with me. My whole body strongly said
"he's lying or hiding something" - not to be trusted. I could THINK all day long about those differences, but had to be sure to pay attention to the responses my body was having and not react based on my ignorance. The authors of this book go more deeply into the effect these differences have on relationships, self-esteem, isolation, etc.
Other issues addressed are, e.g. how does one form deep attachments with those around them when they know they are always separated eventually. There is no payoff and lots of pain in forming attachments.
Another example of an unforeseen difficulty certainly is education. One Finnish young man grew up in Taiwan, and chose to complete his post-secondary education and med school in Chicago. English was spoken in all of his schooling and he would have had to compete with Finnish students who had been educated in Finnish to get into med school in his home country, and didn't think he would qualify. He has realized it would be very difficult for him to EVER return to Finland to practice medicine. He does not have a medical vocabulary in Finnish and would be looked down upon by his colleagues for having trained elsewhere.
Restlessness is not a small factor in the lives of TCKs as adults, regarding relationships, careers, and just living arrangements. The norm is to migrate and they would need to look very carefully to determine if it was really time to leave or rather a need to work on the relationship or job and NOT leave. The problem seems to manifest in either the extreme of needing change often, or not ever wanting change again. One woman married a man with about 8 jillion stamps on his passport, thinking they would enjoy a lifetime of travel, only to discover that he never wanted to leave the country again.
This book does talk about the advantages of being a TCK also, altho some of those things are probably more well known. Obviously an increased knowledge and experience base is an advantage, along with some social skills developed from the need to meet new people. What comes up for me is that that is the person I want in a staff meeting, able to bring different perspectives. Also, a TCK often has a worldwide network of friends. TCKs of course have their own culture with other TCKs when they get together, which can be very helpful for them.
The authors look at both weaknesses and strengths that develop for many TCKs and offers some helpful ideas for dealing with some of the grief and loss issues. I personally found this book to be very interesting reading whether or not the reader has a personal interest in the issue. 5 out of 5 stars.
Many of the differences the reader would probably be aware of, such as differences in eye contact, handshaking, pointing and other mannerisms. I remember walking out of a training about Native American communication where we talked about the fact that direct eye contact can be a sign of disrespect to elders in that culture, and having a conversation with a young man who made no eye contact with me. My whole body strongly said
"he's lying or hiding something" - not to be trusted. I could THINK all day long about those differences, but had to be sure to pay attention to the responses my body was having and not react based on my ignorance. The authors of this book go more deeply into the effect these differences have on relationships, self-esteem, isolation, etc.
Other issues addressed are, e.g. how does one form deep attachments with those around them when they know they are always separated eventually. There is no payoff and lots of pain in forming attachments.
Another example of an unforeseen difficulty certainly is education. One Finnish young man grew up in Taiwan, and chose to complete his post-secondary education and med school in Chicago. English was spoken in all of his schooling and he would have had to compete with Finnish students who had been educated in Finnish to get into med school in his home country, and didn't think he would qualify. He has realized it would be very difficult for him to EVER return to Finland to practice medicine. He does not have a medical vocabulary in Finnish and would be looked down upon by his colleagues for having trained elsewhere.
Restlessness is not a small factor in the lives of TCKs as adults, regarding relationships, careers, and just living arrangements. The norm is to migrate and they would need to look very carefully to determine if it was really time to leave or rather a need to work on the relationship or job and NOT leave. The problem seems to manifest in either the extreme of needing change often, or not ever wanting change again. One woman married a man with about 8 jillion stamps on his passport, thinking they would enjoy a lifetime of travel, only to discover that he never wanted to leave the country again.
This book does talk about the advantages of being a TCK also, altho some of those things are probably more well known. Obviously an increased knowledge and experience base is an advantage, along with some social skills developed from the need to meet new people. What comes up for me is that that is the person I want in a staff meeting, able to bring different perspectives. Also, a TCK often has a worldwide network of friends. TCKs of course have their own culture with other TCKs when they get together, which can be very helpful for them.
The authors look at both weaknesses and strengths that develop for many TCKs and offers some helpful ideas for dealing with some of the grief and loss issues. I personally found this book to be very interesting reading whether or not the reader has a personal interest in the issue. 5 out of 5 stars.
on May 15, 2014
Third Culture Kids are children reared in a country other than their passport - they develop a cultural identity that is neither multi-cultural nor bi-cultural but is rather a third culture. Parts of their parents' culture, which they pick up from home and/or an international school situation and parts of the culture in which they are living are co-mingled in such a way as to form a third culture in which they live and that is unique to each person; yet when a third culture kid meets another third culture kid, regardless of background, there is an immediate recognition and immediate kinship. There are some fundamentals, however, that are characteristic of all third culture kids. Common characteristics are a 1) cross cultural lifestyle, 2) high mobility, 3) expected repatriation somewhere, and 4) often a system identity with the sponsoring organization/business/ministry. A TCK can be a military brat, a missionary kid, a business brat, a government brat, a global nomad. All third culture kids have a broadened world view, often speak two or more languages, are often cultural bridges for others, have a feeling of rootlessness - home is everywhere and nowhere - and a sense of belonging with others of similar background. Third culture kids struggle with identity and experience grief - often unresolved. They are usually two or more years ahead academically and two or three years behind socially. Van Reken broadens the concept of Third Culture Kids to include Cross-cultural kids and does so in a way that is scholarly and practical. This should be required reading for everyone interested in cross-cultural studies/cross cultural families and who would like to understand children reared cross-culturally within their own country and those reared outside their home country. Expatriates should read this book as well parents who are rearing children in a cross-cultural situation (ethnic minority parents; immigrant parents; mixed race parents, parents who adopt from another nation, and parents who move often from one region of the U.S. to another.)
on July 25, 2011
I am a TCK myself and the first time I read this book I cried and cried because I finally had a name for what I had experienced growing up and realised I wasn't alone -- I'm a Third Culture Kid and there are others like me! Re-reading it now is again an affirmation that I'm not the ugly duckling who doesn't fit anywhere. The authors do an excellent job outlining what goes into the making of a TCK and the different influences, benefits, and challenges we struggle with and delight in. I highly recommend this book to any TCK and anyone who loves a TCK or, in particular, parents a TCK.
on January 14, 2016
Why didn't anyone tell me about this book 10 years ago? This should be required reading for all State Department, DOD, corporate, and any other families moving overseas.
- A bit dry in the beginning.
- Has stories sprinkled throughout the book.
- Great practical suggestions on how to make transitions from country to country.
- Section about making choices about education overseas.
- Section about repatriating.
- Gives resources if you want to connect with other ex-pats.
*** The Kindle version: Although it needs a better edit, it isn't nearly as bad as another reviewer made it out to be. (Goodness! When I'm limited to only being able to ship 7,400 lbs, Kindle books saves room for more homeschooling books!)
- A bit dry in the beginning.
- Has stories sprinkled throughout the book.
- Great practical suggestions on how to make transitions from country to country.
- Section about making choices about education overseas.
- Section about repatriating.
- Gives resources if you want to connect with other ex-pats.
*** The Kindle version: Although it needs a better edit, it isn't nearly as bad as another reviewer made it out to be. (Goodness! When I'm limited to only being able to ship 7,400 lbs, Kindle books saves room for more homeschooling books!)
on November 30, 2011
Our adult children are fifth generation TCKs and I found this an excellent book that the whole family should read. I have given to my mother and adult children so that we all can understand each other a bit better. I have recognized myself in many of the pages of the book, and also see certain tendencies both good and challenging on my children as they now attend university.
on July 14, 2015
My criticism is not of the book's content (I am still in the process of reading it, and finding it very informative and well researched), but of the Kindle/digital format. There are so many spelling and capitalization errors that it is very annoying to read! I really feel as if an elementary student typed this book for digital format. Numerous times there is no space between words, proper names like "New York" are not capitalized, but words like "moments" ARE capitalized. Most of the "I" or "I've" words are written with a lower case 'i'. Grammar and English are not my strongest subjects, but I can pick out these glaring errors very easily.
I am especially frustrated since the cost of this book is higher than I like to pay for a digital book. I usually purchase ebooks in order to save money on print books and shipping; however, I would have been better off spending an extra $5 to get a proof-read published version of this book. I am VERY disappointed to have spent $9 on a book which does not even seem to have been proof-read at all.
I am especially frustrated since the cost of this book is higher than I like to pay for a digital book. I usually purchase ebooks in order to save money on print books and shipping; however, I would have been better off spending an extra $5 to get a proof-read published version of this book. I am VERY disappointed to have spent $9 on a book which does not even seem to have been proof-read at all.
on December 3, 2013
A Third Culture Kid is "a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' culture."
My sister and I are Third Culture Kids. We were born in America, but spent over 12 years of our adolescence growing up in North Africa, the Middle East, and South East Asia.
In the context of our upbringing, this book isn't "good" or "great", it's vital. This is the essential manual to understanding the TCK fundamentals. For anyone who is a TCK, raised or is raising a TCK, or is in a relationship with a TCK, this is required reading.
For those concerned, begin with this book. If further resources are needed, try tckid.com, denizenmag.com, global nomads, etc.
I've already purchased this book for myself, my sister, my cousin, and a coworker raising a TCK.
My sister and I are Third Culture Kids. We were born in America, but spent over 12 years of our adolescence growing up in North Africa, the Middle East, and South East Asia.
In the context of our upbringing, this book isn't "good" or "great", it's vital. This is the essential manual to understanding the TCK fundamentals. For anyone who is a TCK, raised or is raising a TCK, or is in a relationship with a TCK, this is required reading.
For those concerned, begin with this book. If further resources are needed, try tckid.com, denizenmag.com, global nomads, etc.
I've already purchased this book for myself, my sister, my cousin, and a coworker raising a TCK.
on May 16, 2014
This book will help readers understand the complex thoughts, emotions and behaviors of people who have grown up or are growing up in a culture(s) outside of their parents’ original cultures. In addition the book also offers strategies to help Third Culture Kids adjust to and understand the different cultures they live in. It should be mandatory reading for anyone working at international schools.
on April 14, 2013
This book is a guide book for those who have grown up indifferent cultures or lived in different cultures for an extended time. This books if helpful in understanding why you are different but how you are still normal even though you may not feel like you fit in. This book helped me adjust back into my host culture after living in another culture for many years. I recommend this book to anyone who has lived international.
