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The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop Paperback – September 1, 2000
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From the Back Cover
ARE WE DOOMED TO FIGHT?
According to William Ury, it takes two sides to fight, but a third to stop. Distilling the lessons of two decades of experience in family struggles, labor strikes, and wars, he presents a bold new strategy for stopping fights. He describes ten practical roles each of us can play every day as Third Siders to prevent destructive conflict, including teacher, healer, witness, and mediator.
Fighting isn't an inevitable part of human nature, Ury explains, drawing on his training as an anthropologist and his work among primitive tribes and modern-day corporations. We have a powerful alternative -- the Third Side -- which can transform our daily battles into creative conflict and cooperation at home, at work, and in the world.
Top Customer Reviews
Fighting is natural and human, and is the ultimate approach. But it is destructive and win-lose at best. Revenge and feuding turns it into lose-lose. Ury points out how the win-lose of the agrarian society is giving way to both-win or both-lose of the knowledge society as hierarchical control is being fractured by knowledge networks.
The 'third side' is the person on the sidelines in a conflict who wants to help. Third-siders can be neighbors, neutrals, bystanders, family, friends. Event the warring parties themselves can take the third side. This book describe ten roles that this person can take.
Their goal is always to prevent conflict before it happens. Even the presence of a third person will calm conflict, but doing nothing does not optimize the help they can give.
Three strategies (and roles within each) are offered to manage increasing levels of conflict:
* Prevent (Provider, Teacher, Bridge-builder)
* Resolve (Mediator, Arbiter, Equalizer, Healer)
* Contain (Witness, Referee, Peacekeeper)
1. Provider: When there is conflict is often over scarce resources the Provider finds ways for both sides to get what they need, even deep needs such as love, safety and esteem. They can also provide knowledge to enable intelligent decisions.
2. Teacher: People often fight because they know of no other way to resolve their differences. The Teacher shows them how to handle conflict without resorting to violence and arms.
3.Read more ›
This is a 251-page paperback, written by an anthropologist who is concerned for his own human tribe, as he explores the reasons we are in conflict and sets forward a roadmap to resolution. In the first of three parts to the book, Ury describes the Third Side as the inside and outside factors to a dispute between two sides and explores the potential in recognizing its existence. Essentially, the Third Side is the neutral third party to such conflict.
In the fascinating second part, he examines the concept of fighting as an element of human nature from an archeological standpoint and points out that there was little organized violence in the first 99% of human history. As we moved from a society of hunters and gatherers to an agricultural and then an industrial society, the expandable pie became fixed and the potential for conflict increased. The recent technological change to a society based on knowledge has the potential for re-expanding the pie and allows for coexistence rather than coercion.
In the third segment, the author offers some solutions to prevent, resolve and contain conflict before it escalates to violent outcomes. He suggests that potential "third-siders" can transform conflict by assuming roles based on ten reasons for the escalation of disputes.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Got for my son - textbook for his class, nice to be able to use an older editionPublished 7 months ago by LibraryRose
Good read, very insightful information about a new realm of alternative dispute resolution and conflict engagement. Well written, easy to follow. Read morePublished 8 months ago by Judy N.
This book is a must read for anyone interested in a peaceful world, present and future.Published 21 months ago by Zack Darce
This is an excellent and easy to read book outlining how anyone can be the Third Side in a conflict.Published on November 17, 2013 by Judy Doell
loved this book. Ury makes the read quick and easy....like his thought process and this book will lead you to pursue more of his work!Published on November 28, 2012 by J. W. Russell