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This Is Your Captain Speaking: A Novel Paperback – June 5, 2012
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LaunchPad Solo for Literature
Learn and practice close reading & critical thinking skills in an interactive environment.
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“Targeting celebrity-obsession, the always-on news cycle and corporate America, Methven raises both questions and laughs.”—New York Post
“Relentlessly inventive. . . . Beneath the snappy dialogue and quirky plot twists, Methven is posing a profound question: What happens when a country can no longer live up to its own mythos? . . . Methven keeps the plot humming, all the way to the sticky end. He's an exciting new voice.”—Steve Almond, The Boston Globe
“You know who really had a satire coming? Sully Sullenberger. The heroic pilot who avoided crashing a damaged US Airways passenger plane by belly-flopping it onto the Hudson River became the first celebrity airman since Capt. John Yossarian. . . . A similar ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ event kick-starts Methven’s very funny, slightly batshit debut novel. . . . Methven’s energy and clear enthusiasm for the ridiculousness of his book translates to the read.”—Time Out Chicago
“Do we take this seriously? We think not. We are big fans, though, of such inspired silliness.”—Asbury Park Press (NJ)
“Jon Methven’s fiction debut is so inventive, assured and hilarious that it instantly establishes him as a major satirist for these times. . . . Entertaining subplots abound. Zinging up and down the ladder of comedy in pitch-perfect prose, This Is Your Captain Speaking is a shrewd response to an America besotted with image, celebrities and reality shows.”—Bucknell Magazine
“A Pynchonesque, offbeat parody of American media coverage and celebrity. . . . a smart, fast-paced farce in which Methven ably satirizes America’s signature take on reality and culture of greed.”—Booklist
“What if the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ were completely faked by an unscrupulous airline company in order to boost prices? And what if we got a guy to write the whole thing up just like Carl Hiaasen? . . . Don’t miss Methven’s psychotic, if interactive, reading group guide at the end.”—Kirkus Reviews
“[A] buoyant debut . . . Fans of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency will relish this frequent contributor’s snappy farce about publicity, celebrity culture, and a ne’er-do-well’s attempt to save some crippled orphans by way of one Beatle’s frozen swimmers.”—Publishers Weekly
“Every so often a first novel comes along that blows your hair back with its ingenuity, that jumpstarts your faith in imaginative literature, and Jon Methven has written one of those novels. This Is Your Captain Speaking is an astonishing debut, a comedic masterwork worthy of the great Joe Orton and Stanley Elkin. Outrageous and gorgeously absurd, it shows us, with fearless accuracy, what a twisted tribe we have become.”—William Giraldi, author of Busy Monsters
“I’m not sure how it happened, but Thomas Pynchon and Donald Barthelme bumped into one another while toting their samples into a sperm bank. Jon Methven is the result. This Is Your Captain Speaking proves that Methven has his finger on the pulse of the absurd, the topical, the real. Here’s a novel that soars and soars. And swaggers relentlessly.”—George Singleton, author of Stray Decorum
"A playful and witty send-up of our media-mad culture. Methven is a comic writer to watch."—Jonathan Evison, author of West of Here
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
The author did a great job of depicting me as the type of captain who would make it his duty to save all the people on board, no matter what it took. And I'm saving these lives and sleeping with babes while half-loaded. I actually went through and counted all the pages on which I was inebriated, and it came out to 187 pages, more or less. That's a lot of drunk pages for a cultural icon. I'd say it's the drunkest a protagonist has been since those Gatsby folks swilled moonshine for 200 odd pages.
If you're looking for a well-researched look into the aviation industry, told by the people inside the industry, this isn't the book for you. But if you're looking for a fun romp through today's culture - and you're not opposed to a George Clooney-ish captain who can hold his liquor and fraudulently land jets in rivers - then start reading today. Also, I drink a vial of semen in the last chapter, which is totally the awesome thing to do at that point in the book, and completely out of character for me.
At any rate, I felt compelled to navigate through those hurdles in order to write this review, being that a vial of my semen is integral to the plot. And that one detail is all I know about the book. I didn't actually read it; again, I'm dead, and once your dead, in order to interact with humans, or haunt them, or send them messages through dreams, or read their stupid novels, you have to fight through a bunch of bureaucratic hurdles. The dream keepers have to be paid off. Purgatory wants its cut. There's a whole stream of middle management trolls and henchmen you have to outsource various chores to. My point is, if I'm going to all the trouble of teleporting a novel from Earth to the afterlife, it's probably not going to be this novel that I choose. No offense to the author - I'm flattered you opted to glorify my primordial batter for your own financial gain. It's just - I'd probably choose a novel by an author who is already dead. That way, if I ever run in to her or him, we'll have something nice to say to each other.
Prison isn't so bad. If I were to give prison an Amazon Review, I'd give it a 3 - it's not as fun as it seems in "Cool Hand Luke," but it's not as bad as HBO's "Oz" makes it out to be. No one has shanked me for being a celebrity semen trafficker. Then again, no one has given me special privileges for starring in "Semen Pirates," the reality television show based on this novel based on my arrest based on my occupation. I'd give the prison food an Amazon Rating of 4. I'd give the prison showers an Amazon Rating of 2. I'd give Amazon a rating of 5, mostly because I'm able to use these reviews to give directions to my partners on the outside, thus I can run my celebrity semen trafficking business from prison. While the average reader thinks this is just a book review, I've in fact given thirteen instructions to my syndicate on which celebrities to target this week. This review will net me close to $72,000 in semen sales.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I'm giving this a 5 star but I know the author, which is why I purchased it ...so I may be biased ;)Published 6 months ago by mandyleah3
My latest #Stay-up-all-night-reading-because-you-can't-put-it-down book is Jon Methven's “This is Your Captain Speaking. Read morePublished on June 17, 2014 by Paul A. Stankus
Author Jon Methven is a master of humor and storytelling. In "This is Your Captain Speaking" you will find eccentric yet endearing characters including a celebrity semen... Read morePublished on September 5, 2013 by Jessica K.
I'll admit that I only read two chapters before I gave up. I average two books a week, and this is only the second time in two years that I've failed to finish a book. Read morePublished on July 25, 2013 by SuSu
Despite not being the main character, this novel is really a story about me and my uncanny abilities at faking a plane crash for personal gain. Read morePublished on February 25, 2013 by Blackie Spin
I'm so glad that this book was written and that this story is finally accurately being told! I was working on the ground crew for Air Wanderlust Flight 2921 and so many things... Read morePublished on February 10, 2013 by Roy
I was sitting in 18B, and I knew something was going on from the moment I stepped into the aircraft. I always imagined my first plane crash to be more hectic. Read morePublished on February 2, 2013 by Jessica
Far be it for me to point out that I almost died on that plane. There I was, pinned to the fuselage's ceiling, wondering if I would ever see my kids again. Read morePublished on January 23, 2013 by Passenger 12B
"Home of the Whopper!" I may have stolen that review from Burger King, but it definitely applies here also. Mr. Read morePublished on January 23, 2013 by Ismael Casaletto