Chapter 1

This was gonna be my last damn time riding somebody's nasty Prison Gap bus. Babies were crying, music was blasting, and every ghetto trick in New York City was trying to get upstate for a trailer visit. I elbowed the hefty sistah who was sitting on my right. A licked-down watermelon stick was clutched in her fat fist, and she was snoring like a truck driver when we hadn't even hit the highway yet. I pushed her ass even harder. She had the whole damn window to lean up against, but she insisted on pouring that chocolate Jell-O all over me.

I crossed my legs and tried not to let too much of my Fendi jacket touch the stained cloth seats. There wasn't no telling how many skeezers had sat their stank asses here before me, and I wasn't anxious to pick nothing up on my last trip.

New York was hot as hell for September, and right outside, Columbus Circle was live and jumping. Brothas was hoopin' under lights and slamming killers on the handball courts in Central Park. White boys skateboarded off half-pipe ramps about to bust they asses. A Sabrett cart sat on the corner where tourists lined up to buy dirty franks with onions and sauerkraut.

The bus I was on had a big number 4 taped to both sides. Fifty dollars and an eight-hour ride would get me upstate to Sullivan County's Woodburne Correctional Facility where my gangsta boo, Sincere, was finishing up his last two months of a one-year bid.

Sincere was originally from L.A., but had come to Harlem to run product with some Haitians that he was down with in a major way. But you know how it goes. Niggas got shiesty, shit got shady, and Sincere ended up getting knocked for associating with known felons and violating his parole.

For the past ten months I'd been climbing my ass on the bus right along with all the rest of the jailhouse wifeys, and enduring that long-behind ride upstate, not only to see my sugar daddy, but to keep his game alive. Shit, couldn't no prison bars keep a gangsta like Sincere on lock. My boo was getting his hustle on from deep inside the joint. He controlled the money game by keeping his buyers and his suppliers isolated and totally dependent on him for all contact, and my job was to be the information broker who helped him keep the two ends from meeting.

Life with Sincere was sweet, even if he was locked down. He did his bid, while I held down his three-bedroom apartment that he had let me decorate with the finest shit money could buy. I shopped my ass off, tricking his chips to keep myself looking and feeling grand. And best of all, I didn't have to worry about shit except helping him keep his empire thriving while he chilled lovely in the belly of the beast.

So twice a month I made a product run. I picked up a sample package from a designated location, and carried it behind the walls of the medium-security prison where I tongue-slipped it to my boo. And in return he slipped me two addresses. One to the spot where the remaining product could be found, and the other that told me where the money would be waiting to change hands.

Even though I was traveling on some fake ID I had bought from some white businessmen in Midtown, shit could go wrong at any time. It was risky as hell transporting drugs into a state prison, but today's trip had a dual purpose. Nothing coulda stopped me from getting next to Sincere's black ass on this goddamn visit. The game had changed, but that nigga just didn't know it. A little birdie had dropped some real gutta shit in my ear, and if I played my cards right, I would walk outta that prison with some chips and some payback all at the same time.

Tossing my curls, I checked out some of the stunts who were straggling onto the bus. According to my Rolex we should have been moving by now, but there were so many baby mamas dragging their whining kids and shopping bags full of food and toys, that we were running behind.

I elbowed the snoring Fat and Fruity sitting there leaning left and flopping all over me until she opened her eyes and straightened her ass up. That watermelon stick wasn't doing shit to cover up all that Henny coming outta her pores. She gave me a shitty look and sucked her teeth, then pressed her face against the booger-crusted window and went right back to sleep.

Unlike a lot of these chicks, I never slept on the bus. I didn't care how tired I was or how long I had to ride. I never closed my eyes anywhere unless the atmosphere was right, and them gangsta bitches riding the Prison Gap bus didn't make me feel exactly cozy.

Twenty minutes later the bus was full and I was watching the streets of Manhattan slip past outside. Big girl was still knocked out on my right, and some bugged-out chick with three stair-step kids was fussing on my left.

"These goddamn kids!" she complained, slapping the bottom of her toddler's sneaker to get it back on his foot. "Ain't nobody tell you," she said, twisting and turning his foot and trying to force it back inside the expensive little sneaker, "to take off your goddamn shoe!"

The baby hollered like she was breaking his ankle.

"Shut the fuck up!" I muttered, turning away from them. I hoped like hell he wasn't gonna be crying and fussing all the way upstate. At least not sitting next to me. I knew his mama had heard me because she sucked her teeth real loud.

" 'Scuse me?" This ho was actually tapping on my arm.

I looked down at her grimy-ass hand with the raggedy, bit-back nails, then straight into her face with much heat in my eyes.

"Don't fuckin' touch me," I snapped, shaking her off.

She quit messing with the baby's shoe and gave me the bitch-hell-no-you-didn't look.

"Well fuck you too! I was just gonna ask you what time it was, but now I see! Ya Chinese-looking trick!"

"Well stop smoking crack and buy a fuckin' watch!"

"You better leave her crazy ass alone," a girl who was sitting in front of her turned around and laughed. "Bitch prob'ly know karate."

I knew where this chick was going, but like most people she had totally missed the mark. Don't let the chinky eyes fool you. At five feet nine, with a hundred and twenty pounds of titties, ass, light brown skin and slanted eyes, I'd been hearing that "Chinese" shit all my life. The real scoop was, I was half black and half Asian. My father had been a heroin fiend from Harlem, and my mother was a Korean prostitute who had turned him out while he was stationed in her country with the marines. Daddy had married Kimichi and brought her back home to New York with him, and when he got popped in an armed robbery a few years later, me and my moms were left stranded on 128th Street with nowhere else to go.

I kept my eyes forward and ignored the chick in my ear. What she needed to do was take care of all them nasty-nosed kids and keep her dirty hands up off of me. A lot of bitches assumed I was soft because of the way I looked. And yes, I was a dime from head to toe. I'd gotten the best of both worlds. Long, curly hair, soft brown skin, chinky eyes and a dazzling smile. And the body. Yeah, the body was from Bally's and every inch of it was tight. A nigga could eat a whole meal off the hump in my ass. In fact, if you put me in a butt-out contest with hoes like Buffie, or Nutmeg, or Ki Toy, I'd shut all of them down. My lady lumps were just that humped.

We made our first stop about an hour later, somewhere outside of the city.

"Okay, people!" the bus coordinator yelled as we pulled into a gas station that had a convenience store attached. "This is a ten-minute stop! You can go in the store and get something to eat, use the bathroom or do whatever. Just be back on this bus in ten minutes, or be left!"

Big girl next to me was still snoring up against that nasty window and I left her ass right there. The wheels had barely stopped turning when I grabbed my Dior purse and matching overnight bag. I jumped out my seat and beat most of the mamas and their babies down the aisle, then hopped off the bus.

A second bus going to Woodburne had just pulled up behind us, so I hurried up inside the store and found the bathroom. A few people had gotten in there before me, but I cut the line and pushed my way in front of two little girls, then found an empty stall and locked the door behind me.

I checked my bag and made sure my doe and my sample product was straight, then I flushed the toilet with the tip of my shoe and walked back out. At the sink, I washed my hands and pretended to mess with my hair. I arranged my jet-black natural curls around my shoulders while I looked in the mirror and checked out everybody who stepped through the door behind me.

And they were checking me out too.

I had on a pair of Baby Phat jeans that showed off my small waist and bubble ass and a satin corset under my jacket. I laughed inside as chicks walked in the bathroom and glanced around, then zoomed in on that full phatty package in my trunk before looking away, like what I was holding could possibly be ignored. My attention shifted when a tired-looking broad walked over to the sink and smiled at me through the mirror.

"Hey," she said shyly. She had red freckles on her yellow pie face and a big rotten grin. "You going to Sullivan?"

I shook my head as I calculated her situation at a glance: She was young, broke, trifling, and going upstate to visit a criminal nigga who was depending on her to keep his gear fresh and his commissary fat.

"Nah. I'm going to Woodburne. They right next to each other though."

She pumped soap from the dispenser and rubbed it all over her hands.

"This my first time riding. My baby's father just got sent up for something he didn't even do! But I'ma keep it real, regardless. He got five years, and me and my son gone do all five of them years right along with him."

Stupid ass. She was looking at me like I was supposed to agree with that nonsense. Her picture came through real clear. Home-permed hair that had broken off all around the edges, dirty sneakers, nice body, but no style. I gave her a phony smile, then strutted out the bathroom without another word.

The little convenience store was hopping. I grabbed a pack of Doublemint gum, some Red Hots, and a pineapple soda, and found the end of the line. I tapped my foot as more people came in and went out. I wanted to hurry up and get back on the bus and try to find another seat. Sitting up under Big Girl's funky ass for the next few hours just wasn't gonna do.

Five minutes later I was going out the door holding my goodies in a brown paper bag, when some ghetto drama popped off right in front of me.

"Uh-uh, bitch!" yelled a girl who had been walking out the door right ahead of me. She must have come off the second bus because I didn't recognize her from mine. She was skinny and had big titties, and was holding the hand of a little boy who was about two. He looked like a typical jailhouse baby who'd probably been making bus trips upstate his whole life. He had on baggy jeans, a Rocawear shirt, and a tiny pair of fresh blue Timbs. Mad gold chains dangled from his neck and both of his wrists, and two diamond studs were in his little ears.

"I don't know who you on your way to visit," she beefed to a thick sistah with long braids who had been just about to come in the store, "but it better not be my goddamn man!"

"Bitch, please!" the other girl said. "Talk that shit to him! If Naequon say he wanna see me, then ain't you or nobody else gonna stop me from making a visit!"

"Naequon ain't say shit! You not even on his list! Your ass is 'bout to be riding eight hours for nothing 'cause only one of us is getting up in that jail, and that's me!"

Hands went up and somebody got smushed.

Blows got thrown and the baby got knocked to the ground.

"No fighting in here!" yelled the old white man behind the counter.

Your ass is about to get vict'd.

It was the perfect diversion and city slickstas took full advantage.

I glanced behind me and saw people on line sticking shit all in their pockets and up under their clothes.

Homegirls was tussling. Scratching faces and busting lips.

"I'm calling the police!" the white man yelled, running out from behind the counter.

Both girls were cursing and screaming. The baby was still stretched out on the floor with his legs in the air, scared and hollering at the top of his lungs. His little hat had fallen off, and one of his gold bangles was on the floor.

I didn't even think twice. I rushed over to where that baby was laying, scooped up that little bangle, then stepped over those two fighting bitches and got my ass right back on the bus.

Unfortunately for me, I had to sit right back down next to Big Girl again. Everybody had either left something in their seats, or had left somebody watching their seats, and as usual the bus was packed to capacity.

We stopped a couple more times, but I waited until we hit Sullivan County before getting off the bus again. This time when I went into the gas station bathroom I took care of business for real. I took a baggy from a zipper compartment of my overnight bag and pulled out three wrapped condoms, then went through what had become my twice-monthly routine.

I opened the first condom and wiped off some of the goo, then blew into it and stretched it out. Then I took a small blue balloon from the other plastic bag I had stashed in my purse. I slipped it into the condom and slid it all the way down into the tip. Tying off the thin, slippery material as close to the balloon as possible, I bit off the remainder and spit it in the toilet, then parted my pussy lips and pushed the package as deeply inside me as I could get it. I did this three more times, until my coochie was nice and stuffed. I contracted my fuck-muscles over and over until I felt comfortable, then left the stall and washed my hands.

I knew the drill, and when we got to the penitentiary I breezed past the prison paperwork and the guards like a champ. I sat in the waiting room chatting and blending in with the hundred million other wifeys as we waited for our men. This was one time when I wasn't trying to draw attention, so I kept myself in the middle of the crowd.

As always, I found me a dumb-ass who had too damn many kids for her own good, so I latched on to her and "helped" her out.

"Here, girl." I grinned at a chick I'd seen practically falling off the bus with all her shit. "Let me help you, ma." I snatched her diaper bag, then scooped up her barely walking little brat as she dragged a big bag of food and three other whining kids behind her.

I stuck with the little family until I saw them bringing Sincere out, then I pushed that soggy-tailed baby off my lap and ran over to an empty table to see my boo.

"What it be like, sexy?" Sincere greeted me with a warm hug and a kiss. I grinned up at him and returned the love.

"Hey baby," I said, checking out his six-foot-five-inch, muscled body in his Enyce shirt and starched prison pants. "I missed you, baby. Is everything okay?"

He nodded, and winked at me with a grin.

"It's all good, baby girl. Now that you here."

We sat down at a table and held hands, catching each other up on the details of the last two weeks. As we chatted I looked around, busting bitches tryna eye my man. I laughed inside because Sincere was too fine. With caramel skin and thick, curly hair, his dark eyes and dimpled chin was enough to turn any bitch out. Which, along with his long dick and even longer cheddar, was how he had gotten me.

I'd met Sincere through my best friend Tai. Me and her had grown up in the same building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and gone to school together since the third grade. Tai and me were opposites in looks, but we was tight as hell and she always had my back.

I was working at a gentlemen's club called the G-Spot when Tai decided she wanted to hook me up.

"I know this gorgeous guy who wants to meet you," Tai had told me while wolfing down her second slice of pizza with extra cheese, jalapeños and pepperoni. She was treating me to lunch on 125th Street, and trying to convince me to meet her friend.

"You know how I do, Tai." I picked at my crust. "I ain't looking for no relationship or no Big Daddy who wanna fall in love and have a house full of screaming kids and all that shit. I do what I do, and that's how I roll. Damn, girl. Get up on a napkin. You got grease dripping all off your chin."

Tai had wiped her mouth and waved her hand. "Yeah, yeah. You hook up with paid niggas and live large off their asses. That's why you don't want no relationship, Saucy. 'Cause even if a dude is clean and decent, if he can't trick his cash out on you, then you don't wanna be bothered with his ass."

I nodded. "And what's your point?"

She stopped chewing and laughed. "I guess I don't have one. Unless you consider the fact that your money train is about to jump off the damn tracks. Ain't that guy from the navy getting ready to head out to sea? Don't you usually find your next victim before you let the one you scamming dry up? And just how many damn bank loans did you get that stupid-ass guy to take out for you anyway?"

Tai was right. I had been milking the shit outta this old-head in the navy. He had rented me an apartment in Manhattan and only wanted to see me once a week. His military pay was good, but he had a wife and some kids down in Brooklyn, so he had taken out a navy loan and paid my rent up for six months in advance. He was rotating back out to sea in a few weeks, and while my rent was paid up for two more months and I had some real fly jewelry, I didn't have nothing stable lined up after that.

"So who is this guy who wants to meet me? And if he's one of them paid niggas that I like to roll with, then how the hell do you know him?"

Tai rolled her eyes. More grease dripped down her chin as she pushed another slice of pizza into her mouth. "His brother comes in the studio where I work. He had a party a couple of nights ago and invited me. He saw that picture of us on my key chain and started hounding me to introduce you."

I went along to meet him reluctantly, but for once Tai was on target when it came down to men. She knew I wouldn't even entertain no broke-ass herb, and I found out in a hurry that Sincere was far from that. He had high-powered connections and long bank, and we clicked right off the bat. Sincere was real raw and spontaneous with his dick, and I liked that shit. He liked to sneak up on me anywhere and everywhere and get him some na-na, and that turned me straight out.

"Open them damn legs," he demanded one morning when I was standing over the stove trying to fry him some potatoes. We had been up fucking all night and my gushy was good and sore, but Sincere still had much juice left in him.

"Ouch!" I squealed as he bent me over. My titties barely missed the damn frying pan full of bubbling grease, and I braced myself with my palms against the stove as he started biting my neck and fingering my clit through my mint-green thong. He bit me hard on the back of my neck, then slung me down to the floor and got on top of me. I liked that rough shit, but I wasn't gonna let him see it.

I raised my knees and fought him off, pushing against his chest and slapping at his hands. He balled his fingers up in my hair and wrapped a long piece around his fist. I wasn't about getting my damn hair yanked by no motherfucka, and when I opened my mouth to scream on him, he bit my bottom lip then dragged his scratchy chin down my chest and caught my nipple in his teeth, biting it too.

I arched my back and he almost sucked my whole titty into his mouth, like he was gonna swallow it. That shit hurt and felt good at the same time, and my scream came out sounding real close to a moan. He was grinding his hard dick on my mound and I opened my legs as he gripped my hips and pulled me up to meet his deep strokes.

Pussy sore? Not no more!

Sincere got me naked on that floor, and with the potatoes frying to a crisp in the pan above us, my sexual hunger went into overdrive. Sincere pulled out his pretty dick and stroked it a few times. A big drop of semen wet the head up, and I massaged his thighs as I looked at it, my mouth watering. He got even more aggressive with me and slammed that dick straight up in my tunnel and then pulled it out real quick. I gasped and he plunged in again, then snatched that meat away as my pussy muscles clenched and tried to lock it down.

We played that game for a few while Sincere stared in my face with his thumbs brushing my hard nipples. He was rocking me up to the edge, then letting me slip back as my nipples got even harder and the slow burn of a gigantic nut started working its way from my asshole all the way up to my aching clit.

I couldn't take it no more. The next time that nigga slid that perfect meat up in my wetness I locked my legs behind his back and held on. I bucked my ass off the floor, screaming as tiny splatters of grease exploded out the pan and rained down on us.

Sincere snatched his dick outta me again and grabbed it in his hand. He pressed the tip to my glistening pussy and slid it up and down over my clit, back and forth, until I came like that. Then he moved down lower, sliding his lips down my stomach as his teeth clinked on my belly ring. He dug into my skin as he gripped my thighs, his fingers separating my folds, splitting them apart as he lapped at my curly brown mound, then covered my clit with his hot lips.

Sincere handled my body like he knew all my secrets, and when he finally slammed that big dick up in me again we was both shrieking out loud, me from the orgasm that had my pussy quaking like one big gigantic nerve, and him from that hot grease jumping out the pan and starbursting down onto his back.

And sitting across from him in prison right now and laughing at something he said, I realized just how good our thing had been while it lasted. Even knowing what I knew, it was hard for me to just give my good thing up, but this nigga had a debt to pay. He had shit all over my life, forcing me to do all kinds of craziness just to survive, and he was about to know it.

We spent the first hour of our visit in the reception room playing by the rules under the guards' watchful eye.

"Yo, is the baby still sick? Did you take him to the doctor?" he finally asked.

"Of course," I said, smiling sweetly at his code words. Our baby stayed sick 'cause we played this game twice a month. "But he's better now. Fat and happy and in the best of health."

Sincere reached out and ran his fingers through my hair, and seconds later I stood up.

"Excuse me, boo," I said, playing the game out. "I gotta go to the bathroom."

I slipped off my jacket and stood up, knowing I had every male eye in the room stuck to my high, bouncy ass.

"You bakin' that cake, baby." Sincere laughed with appreciation. I was eye candy and both of us loved flaunting that shit. Sincere had once told me that every inmate on a visit probably went back to his cell and tore his meat off to the memory of what I looked like from behind.

Inside the visitors' bathroom I worked quickly. I pulled down my jeans and stuck one finger up my pussy, feeling for the condoms that were full of a mixture of heroin and cocaine. I pushed down like I was taking a shit, then extracted them one by one. I tore the condoms open and dropped them in the toilet, then took off one of my earrings and poked about twenty tiny holes in each balloon.

When that was done, I took a small alcohol pad from my purse and cleaned off the tip of my earring and stuck it back into my ear, then placed the balloons snugly in my mouth, two on each side between my teeth and my cheek, making sure none of them got close to the silver barbell stud in my tongue. As soon as I was satisfied, I flushed the toilet and booked.

This is where shit had to speed up, and I made sure it did. Back at the table I sat down across from Sincere and forced myself to keep up with his easy conversation. He leaned back in his chair, relaxed and unstressed, and two minutes later when the guard announced that everybody was free to go outside to the picnic area, he came around the table and took my hand.

We walked outside with everybody else. But there was one difference. Sincere was doing all the talking, while I just nodded my head and moved my lips a little bit. In the open air of the fenced yard, we headed over to an empty picnic table, and that's where Sincere went for the switch.

Before sitting down he scooped me up in his strong arms and gave me a long, deep kiss. We made the transfer expertly, just like we'd done countless times before, and when I felt him swallow for the last time I knew it spelled success.

"You been brushing your teeth?" Sincere joked after he sat back down. "Your mouth tastes funny."

I laughed and kicked him under the table. "That's pussy, baby," I teased him. "You ain't had none in so long you done forgot what it tastes like."

I giggled, shaking my long hair and letting it flow, because I knew how much he liked it when I did that. The next hour or so dragged by. I was nervous inside, but I damn sure didn't show it. I played it off like this was just an ordinary visit. We went back inside and both of us got tuna sandwiches and a bottle of Pepsi for lunch. It was right about this time that Sincere usually told me the address for the money pickup. I always played dumb like shit didn't stick in my head, so he told me early enough to give me enough time to memorize his directions way before the visit ended.

"I think I'm gonna start taking the baby to see a new doctor," I prompted him when he finished eating his sandwich. "Do you know where I can find any good ones?" I rubbed his fingers, flashing dimples at him from all directions.

"Yeah," he said. "I know of a few."

He wiped his arm across his forehead. "There's a real good pediatrician at thirty-two¬Ý.¬Ý.¬Ý. damn!" Sweat started popping up all over his skin and he ran his hands down his face. "It's hotter than shit up in here."

I took a small bite of my sandwich and shrugged like the temperature felt just fine to me.

"Drink some soda," I told him, sliding him his can. "Thirty-two what? Gimme the rest of the address so I can take the baby."

Sincere stood up and stretched his arms over his head, then shook his head back and forth a few times like he needed to clear it.

"The baby, boo," I urged him. "You know how hard it is on me when he gets sick. Just tell me where you want me to take him."

By now sweat was dripping off his chin and his shirt was soaking through.

"Sit down, dammit!" I whispered, glancing at the COs to see if they noticed. "And tell me where to take the fuckin' baby!"

Sincere started taking big deep breaths and walking around in circles.

"What the hell is wrong?" I asked, getting nervous. That shit was getting to him faster than I had expected. I didn't know how long it would take for his stomach acids to go to work and the drugs to seep from the balloons, but I'd wanted to be long gone by the time he got to this point. "Gimme the fuckin' address, dammit!"

"S-s-something ain't clickin'," he muttered. He started moving his mouth all funny. Gulping real big like he was trying to swallow a whole fuckin' desert. "What is this? W-what? What you¬Ý.¬Ý.¬Ý. what the fuck¬Ý.¬Ý.¬Ý. Saucy?"

"Yeah," I laughed, coming straight up outta my game. "That's me, baby. You got my name right. Let's see who else name you know. You ever heard of -- " I cupped my hand around my mouth and whispered what had been the most precious name in my whole world to him, then grinned. Sincere looked shocked and shook, and that's when I knew for sure that my boy Akbar had been speaking the truth.

"Oh yeah. That shit sounds familiar don't it? Well it just oughta 'cause it's payback time, motherfuckah!"

"Bitch¬Ý.¬Ý.¬Ý. you set me¬Ý.¬Ý.¬Ý." Sincere fell to his knees and leaned on one arm to brace himself.

"Boo!" I screamed. "Oh my God! Baby you okay?" I jumped up and ran over to him. The second I put my hand on him he collapsed to the ground. His eyes rolled around a few times then got stuck up in the back of his head as his body stiffened and twitched, and thick white bubbles started foaming up out of his mouth.

Every bitch at the table next to us started screaming, and the guards came running.

"He's epileptic!" I yelled. "I think he's having a seizure!"

The guards pushed me to the side and tried to hold Sincere down as they radioed for help, but who the hell could help him now? Growing up with my daddy I'd seen enough OD'ing junkies to know exactly what was up.

Inmates and their visitors were crowding around being nosy. Babies were crying, kids were still running back and forth all over the place, and shit was just totally erratic.

"Call a fuckin' ambulance!" I screamed and jumped up and down hoping to create even more chaos. I blended into the crowd as the prisoners were herded back to the holding area and all visitors were ushered back outside to the reception area. A guard came in behind us and announced that today's visits were being terminated for security reasons, and told us to go back outside and board our buses.

Wifeys and girlfriends started going off. Cursing the guards out like crazy, dragging their kids behind them, mad as fuck that their visit had been cut short.

Me? I was mad too. Yeah, I'd gotten the revenge I had come for, but not only did that stupid fuck Sincere have a real weak system, he had checked out before giving me the address I needed so I could pick up the connect money.

That meant I needed another hustle to get me through the coming winter. The rent on Sincere's apartment was paid up until the end of the next month, but now that he was history and the Haitians' drugs were gone, I'd have to find me a new nest to keep my ass off the ground. As I rode that nasty bus back home, I put on my thinking cap and tried to figure out who would be the next victim in my never-ending quest to stay laced.