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How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women Paperback – January 7, 2003
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Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
make it a point to recommend _How Can I Get Through to You?
(Reconnecting Men and Women)_ to every couple in my practice. As
a man, husband (32 years) and father (of a son and daughter), I
credit this book with changing my life.
Although I have seen these issues play out over three decades of
leading partners through couples therapy, the wisdom and insights
that I've gleaned from this book have offered me a new
perspective from which to help couples help themselves.
Terrence Real speaks of the breakdown of couple relationships as
a mirror of societal gender conflict. We (patriarchal culture)
socialize boys to be competitive and girls to be compliant. When
men and women become joined in marriage, it is a union of two
different species. However Real moves beyond merely describing
the differences between men and women by recommending a radical
course of bringing the genders back into balance - and wholeness.
He refers to this as 1) empowering the woman and 2) reconnecting
the man. This core concept really speaks to me for I find that
the majority of the couples in my practice are living examples of
the corrupted communication patterns that Real describes through
his model and illustrates so well in case studies.
The greatest insight that I received from this material is an
understanding of the profound impact of the early disconnection
of men.Read more ›
This is the smartest book on couples I have ever read. It explains why so many men and women have so much trouble. It's full of ideas about how to make it better. The stories made me laugh and sometimes even cry, like a good novel. I loved every minute of it. And it's just brimming over with casual comments that are so profound. Like this - "The great paradox of intimacy is that in order to sustain closeness we have to be capable of bearing solitude inside the relationship." Or what Terry calls, "normal marital hatred." There are a million of these. I honestly can say I'd like to see everyone who wants their relationship to work to read this. It should be passed out along with marriage licenses. It is far and away the best thing I have ever found. Thank you!
First of all, I was surprised to find this 'self-help book' to be a real page turner. This book isn't only insightful, it's masterfully written with wonderful imagery that pulls you into the stories of Terry's clients and his own life. The book doesn't just tell you how to fix your problems, it provides characters and situations you can relate to.
This book provided so much more than I'd expected. Though it didn't give simple solutions to my particular relationship problems, it opened my mind to HOW relationships and our society work. I don't think you should pick up this book expecting an easy answer to getting through to your man. It simply gives you the tools to look at your relationship differently, and understand how our culture has crippled men's ability to relate to others emotionally.
Unlike some of the reviews I've read, I didn't find this book to be 'man bashing' at all. I wonder if those who thought of it that way even finished the book. Terry simply addresses the fact that men have learned to shut off their emotions as a defence against our culture's expectations while women are expected to learn to deal with emotional situations such as relationships. After reading this book, I immediately felt more forgiving and understanding of the men in my life and the harsh realities they're faced with. I no longer felt the need to blame my husband for the difficulty he often has relating to me emotionally, and that to 'get through' to him, I'm the one who has to change my approach rather than expecting HIM to change.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Changed my marriage for the better. This book should be thought of as a reference tool. Don't read it once and then put away. Refresh your memory often.Published 1 month ago by wlc75
This is an excellent book for a therapist, and I also gave a copy to a nephew who is struggling with relations and women. He is 30. Was married and the went through a long divorce. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Charlotte Harrell
Brilliant work, excellent complement to "I Don't Want to Talk About It."Published 2 months ago by NerdGirl
Another eminently practical book from Terrance Real. It cuts through the theory of intimate relationships and communication through true to life office interactions followed by... Read morePublished 5 months ago by Kevin C. Tracy
I have read many books on marriage and relationships but this one by far has been the most insightful. Read morePublished 5 months ago by Stefanie Ewing
This ended up being a good read for our book club. We had a lot of great discussions about it. I did feel it started off slow but I love the ending. Read morePublished 5 months ago by sharon m.
One of Terrence Real's (family therapist) books that is especially good. Easy to read with
lots of examples and some exercises.
This book came into my life at a much needed moment. I recommend it to every single individual out there. Read morePublished 12 months ago by Natasha