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The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed Hardcover – Illustrated, August 1, 2017
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"Regretting You" by Colleen Hoover
From New York Times bestselling author of It Ends with Us comes a novel about family, first love, grief, and betrayal that will touch the hearts of both mothers and daughters. | Learn more
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From the Publisher
The Different Types of Dirty Toddlers
'The Tattoo Artist'
This toddler must be kept away from pens and markers because she sees her entire body as her canvas. Given the chance she will cover every inch of skin with modern art-esque doodles and her face with markings even Mike Tyson would describe as 'a bit much.'
This toddler sees the bathroom as his playroom and goes there every chance he gets to endlessly flush the toilet and crawl around the toilet bowl. He loves to touch everything in a public bathroom, too, and smells like it.
This toddler spends every minute she can outside on her hands and knees exploring the soil. She always has dirt under her fingers and smeared on her face, and a dozen ants or more crawling on her body, usually unbeknownst to her.
This toddler loves holding lizards, frogs, roly-polies, worms, and other creepy crawlers nearly as much as he loves petting every dog, cat, and rodent he comes across. He usually has cobwebs in his hair and smells like nature (but not in a good way).
Chapter 8: Surviving Bedtime and Potty Training
When you’re an adult, you love sleeping and can’t get enough of it. And (if we’re speaking frankly) you also probably enjoy a trip to the bathroom. But do toddlers enjoy these things? No, they do not. Tell a toddler it’s bedtime, or suggest that she start to use the potty like a big kid, and the little weirdo will almost certainly burst into tears like you’ve just tossed her favorite stuffed animal into the blender and hit 'puree.'
About the Author
Mike Spohr is an editor at BuzzFeed, where he runs the Parents and Family vertical. He is notorious for his love of Diet Coke, the Beatles, and the San Francisco Giants, but loves his wife, kids, and dog even more. Follow him on Twitter @TheNewBornIdenity
Heather Spohr started blogging on a whim back in 2002. She's since blogged through cross-country moves, job changes, pregnancy, loss, and all the other things life has thrown at her. Heather has worked in the A and R department at a major record label and in sales for a professional baseball team, but now she's a writer and Los Angeles Editor at Mommy Nearest (www.mommynearest.com). She works when her kids are sleeping, which usually means about five hours of sleep a night. Somehow, it works. Heather is also a contributor at FM in the AM (fmintheam.tv), a featured panelist for Momversation (www.momversation.com), and has a column over at Babble (www.babble.com).
- Item Weight : 14.4 ounces
- Hardcover : 192 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0760352194
- ISBN-13 : 978-0760352199
- Product Dimensions : 5.38 x 0.88 x 8.38 inches
- Publisher : Voyageur Press; Illustrated Edition (August 1, 2017)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,213,681 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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Author: Mike and Heather Spohr
Genre: Nonfiction, Humor, Parenting, Toddlers, Survival Guide.
Plot: Statistically speaking, you are more likely to meet a ravenous sleep-deprived toddler than you are to meet an undead zombie but both creatures can be terrifying and very dangerous. It is best to proceed with caution and keep your handy guide near you at all times.
In a hilarious parody of all survival guides but especially zombie survival guides, The Toddler Survival Guide is the parenting book every parent needs. Parenting can be truly fulfilling but bone-crushingly hard at the same time and a healthy dose of humor is the secret to weathering all the toddler-themed storms.
Likes/Dislikes: This book is hilarious! It makes the best kind of Father's Day gift for new modern dads which is awesome. No guarantees if they will actually have the time to read it before baby eats it though.
Rating: PG-13 and up, mainly for reading level.
Date Reviewed: January 15th, 2020
I received a copy of this book courtesy of Netgalley for my honest opinion. I wasn't required to write a positive review and the opinions in the above review are my own.