Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production Paperback – December 9, 2013
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Paperback, December 9, 2013
"Regretting You" by Colleen Hoover
From New York Times bestselling author of It Ends with Us comes a novel about family, first love, grief, and betrayal that will touch the hearts of both mothers and daughters. | Learn more
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About the Author
- Paperback : 28 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1494430886
- ISBN-13 : 978-1494430887
- Item Weight : 1.76 ounces
- Product Dimensions : 6 x 0.07 x 9 inches
- Publisher : CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1st Edition (December 9, 2013)
- Language: : English
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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For the money, it is the best book available on amazon.com by Tom Miller. It will probably disturb you, but in a good way, like a humorous mishap in a bathtub or a roach perched on a piece of excrement, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Tom Miller is an ARTIST. This book is a WORK OF ART. But what is an ARTIST? What is a WORK OF ART? Let me take the second question first.
When a toddler makes his first poopy in their training potty, his family will gather in unison to behold the child's first poopy in a potty. Daddy will make a remark like, "That is a WORK OF ART". Heads will be bowed in hushed reverence. Daddy's statement is subjective, a value judgement influenced by his love of his toddler. If the poopy is placed on a wall in a museum, reactions will certainly vary. Statements such as, "That is the mosty brilliant use of doo doo I have ever seen," or "Hey, who put this baby doodoo on the wall? Do they expect me to treat this like a WORK OF ART?" can be expected. Let's go back to the toddler making his poopy. Suppose there is a plumber installing a plumbing thing in the family's home when the poopy is produced. As the family is so filled with pride, they invite the plumber to partake in the viewing of the poopy. The plumber says, "That is a WORK OF ART." This statement may be taken as an informed opinion. The plumber is a subject matter expert and the subject matter is poopy. That reminds me that there is a lot of poopy in the book I am currently reviewing. There are other bodily fluids, too. But I am jumping the gun. Let me get back to the subject of Tom Miller, ARTIST.
Tom Miller is an ARTIST. What is an ARTIST? An artist is a interpreter of direct experience using signifiers. What is a signifier? The word "poopy" is a signifier. But what does it signify, the toddler's first glorious bowel movement stuck on a wall, paint smeared by the ARTIST's butt on a canvas, the whole concept of reviewing interpretations of direct experience by third party consumer or something else entirely?
Do you like seahorses? Some people like seahorses enough to buy a shower curtain with pictures of seahorses. Those people should buy this book. Tom Miller includes a poem about seahorses that would be fun to read on the toilet if you could glance over at the shower curtain, see the seahorses and smile. You might also poop. Would that make you an ARTIST? You are having the direct experience of pooping while looking at pictures of seahorses and reading about seahorses. That has to count for something, right?
Let talk about roaches. Tom Miller writes about roaches. If you like reading about roaches, you should buy this book. Do not be dissuaded from buying and reading this book just because you don't LIKE roaches. Tom Miller doesn't seem to like roaches and he paints beautiful pictures of violence and mayhem direct toward roaches. If you don't like roaches, you will enjoy the passages about roaches. What if I like roaches, you ask. What if I deplore violence directed at roaches? Well a) I don't want to come to your house and b) Hey look, I like dolphins and I don't want anyone to hurt them, but it would be a different story if dozens of dolphins were scurrying around in my kitchen.
This book was very easy to read. The pages were crisp, white and easy to turn. The binding was sturdy and will probably withstand hundreds of trips to the bathroom. The binding has no staples, if that's a concern of yours. This book has its own International Standard Book Number. That sets it apart from other random pieces of paper that you might find lying around your bathroom. There are two pictures of Tom Miller, which you can preview for free while you read this review, but which, when presented printed on paper really help to drive the point home: The words written on these pieces of paper, contained within this bind, are actually written by the artist, Tom Miller. Even if you don't enjoy the words, the pictures can help you by giving you a face (or, more precisely, a choice of two faces) to complain to. You can say something like, "Hey Tom Miller, with your beard and your fancy jacket, I just wanted something fun to read while I poop and now you got me thinking about ugly people and roaches and I'm bummed out. I liked the bit about seahorses but now I'm so bummed out that I can't poop, even though you've given me lots to read about poop." The same can be said if you enjoy Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. You can look at one of the two pictures (or you can look at the book's cover while its open [don't be afraid, the binding will let you do that] so that you can look at both pictures at the same time) and say something like, "Thank you Tom Miller, this is the most fun I've had while pooping since I was in the Navy!" Of course, your mileage may vary. Some people don't like to read on the toilet. You don't need to be on the toilet to read Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. I'm sure you could read it anywhere you have light.
It has been several months since I purchased and read Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. I think about it a lot, but I think I lost the book. I know it is somewhere in my house. Has anybody seen it? Have you been in my house, looking through my things, trying to find my Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production book or maybe something else. That book may be the most valuable thing I own, I think you should buy your own copy. I think you should but three copies and give one to a friend and keep one in a safe place, in case something "bad" goes down.
I've heard that Tom Miller might be writing another book about being on fire or chasing a rabbit down a hill or smoking endless cigarettes in a Greyhound bus station. Are you going to tell me that he ain't? Are you going to stay away from my house and buy your own copy of Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. Look, I'll let you borrow mine, but I forgot what I did with it. I gave a copy to a friend. Maybe he will lend it to you. I'm not comfortable giving out his name and address here, so the next time you see me, tell me your name and I'll have my freind call you. That is, if he will lend you his copy of Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. I may or may not have a spare copy in a safe place, but you don't expect me to divulge the location of that place here, do you?
The world is a crazy place. None of this makes all that much sense. I'm not suggesting that Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production is going to clear that many things up for you. I'm not even suggesting that Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production is going to be all that much fun in your life, but look, it's only like 10 bucks or something. What else are you going to do with ten bucks. You probably paid ten bucks to park somewhere when you could have just risked parking on the street. No, they never tow cars down there. Maybe you bought a coffee for you and one for a friend and a cookie. That was like ten bucks. You didn't need the cookie and you friend has coffee at her place. You could buy Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production, go over to your friend's house and drink her coffee and you could read to her from Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production. She might invite you to stay over and make you eggs in the morning. If you didn't get around to reading all of Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production while you were having coffee, you can finish Tom Miller - Sophisticated Dirty Schlock Poems: a FREDInk Production over eggs (and presumably more coffee....it's morning, you were up late, of course you want more coffee.) That that sounds like ten bucks well spent! (Hint: there are places that give out free cookies. You might have to donate blood though.)
Now I run a venture capital firm in San Diego. I do nothing but read this book of poems and make millions and drink and you can too. Buy book. It good.