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Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict Paperback – March 15, 1997
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“This is a great book! Tongue Fu! puts a new twist on communiction. Everyone should read it.!” ―John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus
“Tongue Fu! is a practical and easy-to-read book on the important topic of interpersonal relationships. Many stories beautifully illustrate the immediate, usable ideas on how to get along better with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. The world would be a more peaceful and harmonious place if people practiced the enduring principles presented in this book. Tongue Fu! is destined to be a classic.” ―Jack Canfield, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul
“Tongue Fu! is filled with delightful tools for keeping both feet on the ground instead of in the mouth. Both young and old need to learn its lessons for creating connection instead of alienation.” ―Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and End the Struggle and Dance with Life
“This book is a gold mine for anyone who deals with the public. The great strength lies in two things. First are Horn's unimpeachable ideas. She's added to the legacy of ideas on dealing with people left by Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Dale Carngie, and many others. That takes skill. Second are the examples she uses. This a comprehensive manual for getting ahead--while inviting others to join you.” ―Executive Book Summaries
“In this delightful book, I found many gems of practical wisdom for everyday life. Among books on effective communication and improved relationships, this is one of the finest ever seen. An important work--fun to read, learn from, and apply.” ―Dan Millman, author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior and The Laws of Spirit
“Frustrated? Try some verbal kung fu. These verbal techniques for 'fast-forwarding through frustration' help keep inner harmony.” ―the Chicago Tribune
“This is a terrific book, full of verbal 're-engineering' designed to refocus us toward greater fulfillment in our dialogues with others through better communication.” ―Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power
About the Author
Sam Horn, president of Action Seminars, has given workshops to 350,000 people in more than fifty cities across the country and has also written Concrete Confidence. She hosts a weekly radio show called Sam Says on Maui's most-listened-to station, KLHI. Tongue Fu! has been featured in Family Circle, Cosmopolitan, Reader's Digest, and USA Today, to name a few. Her impressive client list includes Young President's Organization, Hewlett-Packard, U.S. Navy, the IRS, American Bankers Association, and Four Seasons Hotels. She is a member of the National Speakers Organization, and she lives in Maui, Hawaii, with her family.
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One example is Sam Horn's tip to "name the game" where you defuse a person's manipulation by calling them out on their pattern, which disarms them and leaves them in a more honest position to deal with a situation (she describes it much better than me). It is a simple concept, but powerful when put into practice as I have seen numerous times in my life.
The book is a fun read with practical examples. I can see why it resonates with so many reviewers here.
Also, the book is a collection of excellent quotes. I don't have my copy at hand, but I will never forget Abraham Lincoln's quote "I destroy my enemy by making him my friend."
Learning how to graciously respond in uncomfortable, stressful situations without losing your temper or composure: what could be more important?
The author combines personal anecdotes with sound principles about speaking, listening, and communication in general. There are also some practical examples of how to implement the tips/pointers at the end of each chapter. Each one is a plausible real life scenario that could have (and probably has) happened to you.
Even a master orator or a professional phone support operator would find something in this book that was new to them or looked at things from an angle they hadn't ever considered. If you study and really apply the principles in this book in your day-to-day dealings with other people, you will benefit greatly. I read it some years ago and after buying it recently and going over it again, I realized just how much some of these principles still influence how I interact with people, and I'd never realized it.
Well written and a great buy. You won't be disappointed.
One key thing I wish the author had included in detail is the effect of paradigms, filters, and styles (yours and the other party's). This does affect your interactions with them considerably. To arm yourself with that understanding you may want to read People Styles at Work, and What Type Am I in addition to this book.
It would be a great idea if parents taught their children such tips when young; habits once formed are harder to break, and this is even more so with grown ups.
Those seeking more intellecutally challenging material backed by scientific studies will likely be disappointed. This remark is not meant to deter you from giving the book a good read though.