- Paperback: 306 pages
- Publisher: BookSurge Publishing; 1 edition (April 17, 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 143923485X
- ISBN-13: 978-1439234853
- Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 8 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,628,783 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Tough & Tender Caregiver: A Handbook for the Well Spouse 1st Edition
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About the Author
A clinical psychologist. He earned his doctorate is from the University of Iowa, including a clinical internship at Yale University. He had a thriving clinical practice and eventually became a pioneer in the business consulting industry. David has maintained a successful reputation as an organizational development business consultant for the past several decades in the Southeast. Unfortunately, his wife at the time was becoming increasingly ill. The decline began for her shortly after they were married. In the later years of David’s career, he transformed from self-employed, well respected business expert to full-time spousal caregiver. The identity and shifting of focus was slow and took David unawares. Finding his wife totally dependent and a home filled with adaptive equipment, David realized he was filled with emotional pain and no desire to live. Frightened by the thoughts, he took action and discovered the Well Spouse Association (WSA). He started a local support group with the WSA information. David was eventually able to untangle the life he built over forty years by self-analysis. A highly competent psychologist, he was able to take a look at his own life with the help of his own and personally needed support group. He was able to save himself by becoming a Tough and Tender Caregiver. With his co-author and current wife, Rhonda, also a former well spouse, they wrote this book for other people who are caring for ill or diabled spouses. Together they founded the Caregiver Survival Institute (CSI). CSI is an organization devoted to assisting caregivers with support and coaching services. Believing that caregivers, especially well spouses, are under-served by society, the medical community and social service organizations. The authors have devoted the remainders of their careers to working for recognition, education and financial support for family caregivers of all types. Caregiving for a loved one takes dedication and devotion. The price paid for caring is often personal bankruptcy, health declines and isolation. This book offers real support and advice--something the authors had a hard time finding when they were full-time caregivers.
Top customer reviews
It's easy to lose sight of what is a fair amount of self sacrifice when equality has gone because of the illness. The book taught me to distinguish between the spouse's needs and wants and to cut on responding to wants, thus easing my burden.
I hope my account of what I gained from the book fairly accurately reflects its message. I have one reservation which is not enough to go down from five stars. The caveman metaphor of "clubs" - something like a stick, or a disincentive to bad behavior - may come across as harsh in marriages which have been good from the start, even though the message is valid. I would have preferred a softer metaphor.
I highly recommend this, you may not agree with it, but try some of the suggestions and you and your spouse will feel better...
I purchased the book for my husband. He picked up the book and read a little of it and was so shocked he had to read me a few paragraphs (I had already read a little of the book myself). There isn't anything uplifting or in support for the caregiver or the partner. For example, in one part of the book it tells caregivers to withhold something of value including, smiling, preparing meals, sex, etc. as a way to force the person to live up to their end of the "bargain" in marriage.
I've never written a review, but this one had to be written so another person does not get sucked into buying this book. Save your money!