- Hardcover: 304 pages
- Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (September 8, 2003)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0787968773
- ISBN-13: 978-0787968779
- Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 1.1 x 9.4 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 9 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,071,496 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Toxic Relationships and How to Change Them: Health and Holiness in Everyday Life Hardcover – September 8, 2003
This month's Book With Buzz: "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware
From the instant New York Times bestselling author of blockbuster thrillers "In a Dark, Dark Wood" and "The Woman in Cabin 10" comes Ruth Ware’s chilling new novel, "The Lying Game." See more
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From Publishers Weekly
Approaching modern psychology from a Christian point of view, McLemore (who taught clinical psychology and theology at Fuller Seminary and authored the Clergyman's Psychological Handbook) considers "the intersection of health and holiness at the crossroads of relationships" in this guide to understanding and improving interpersonal interactions. Recognizing the basic drives behind human interactions can improve intimacy with others and also help mend emotionally unhealthy relationships. After all, McElmore says, "loving our neighbors does not mean automatically allowing them to abuse, manipulate or oppress us." The author cites Scripture to illuminate relationships as God meant them to be-filled with joy, intimacy and respect-and explores eight toxic modes of interaction: controlling, drifting, intruding, freeloading, humiliating, scurrying, victimizing and avoiding. These behavior styles may not be desirable, but they can be adaptive, McLemore notes, explaining, for example, that Controllers and Drifters are often compatible. The author provides "antidotes to toxicity" to help the reader pinpoint dysfunction and change for the better. Referencing Scripture throughout-the usually bold Peter, who denied he knew Jesus three times, proves that even saints are guilty of scurrying-McLemore illustrates how toxic relationships have played out in the Bible. Straightforward guidance combined with real-life examples explaining the complexities of human interaction make this a clear and concise guide for believers looking for an alternative to secular self-help.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
McLemore, a former professor of clinical psychology and theology and currently a consultant for Fortune 500 companies, argues for Christian faith as the singular vehicle for lasting health in interpersonal affairs. As in his earlier Street-Smart Ethics: Succeeding in Business Without Selling Your Soul, he admirably intertwines his -disciplines to break down "toxic" relationships, that. is, those that "pull you down rather than lift you up; they certainly don't help you move closer to God." Christian readers will especially find much to consider and learn, as the author explains and explores "toxic" behaviors (e.g., intruding, victimizing) as well as some countering methods, with biblical passages. Though here are secular self-help ideas at work: here, removing them from the religious material would be 1i1ce separating the peanut hitter from the jelly. While fine for Christian collections (and perhaps notable given McLemore's fine publishing pedigree), public libraries should consider Jay Carter's Nasty People and Robert A. Glover's personable No More Mr. Nice Guy! (Library Journal, September 15, 2003)
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for anyone growing up in my post WWII generation, or the current generation now that I think about it. As my sister asserts,
our parents did the best they knew how. While that may be true, there are better ways of relating to other people than
what I learned as a child. As the adult child of an alcoholic and a child abuse survivor myself, most of the relationships of my
life have been damaging, dysfunctional, or toxic, whether, parents, siblings, girlfriends, wives, or children. All of my
relationships have all been a long series of repeated, generational patterns of toxic relationships, dysfunctional, and wrong.
And yes, there are processes available to help me become the kind of person that has well relationships. What a staggering
thought: "Well people have well relationships. Unwell people ... not so much." I recently ran across a person in my family
totally convinced of their own moral superiority and demanding $15,000 ... for reparation I suppose?
Even the fundamental though: "Are most of my relationships toxic to me and the people around me?" seems to begin the
process of changed lives.