We LOVE LOVE LOVE this book. As somebody who has actually read this book, I can honestly say it has changed our family! We were introduced to the Pearls by a friend. Let me tell you the story. She had a 9 month old daughter who reached out to touch a plug but pulled her hand back when her mother(my friend) said in a kind way: "no". There was no picking up the child and moving her away only to have the child kick and scream or having mom repeat herself 20 times and then get angry. I was SO impressed! As I was engaged to be married, I told my fiance that we had to find out how they had trained their child to obey so well and so young before we had children of our own. We asked and they shared the Pearls with us and we have been blessed by their ministry for the past 13.5 years as that is when this little incident took place.
I think one should look at the children of the Pearls to see that they are not child abusers. Their children do NOT hate their parents, but love and honor them. Here is a quote from their oldest daughter from several years ago:
"My name is Rebekah Anast. I am the firstborn daughter of Michael and Debi Pearl, the authors of the best-selling book To Train Up a Child.
In every society there are “movers and shakers,” those people who call the media, make the stories (or the stink, as the case may be) and bring about changes that effect the thousands of ambivalent and, often clueless, masses. Some of these movers and shakers have the good of the masses in mind, others are simply angry, irrational people that need attention and like to make a scene. Unfortunately, the media thrives on these sensation-makers, and is quick to poison the waters of truth if the poison is offered on the silver platter of a “hot story.”
How do we combat the irrational and unfounded sensationalism that would poison the waters of our communities? With truth. If the media wants a story, give them the truth. Let them know that we are very aware of the lies and sensation being spread — but that we’re not afraid of it, because we know the truth.
These sensational story-tellers say that Michael and Debi Pearl teach child abuse, the subjection of women, and general injustice.
I would know (I am their daughter) whether their techniques are violent and unjust, or loving and temperate. I would know if the result is an emotionally damaged and fearful child, or a creative, successful, happy adult. I would know, yes, better than any one of these angry people, whether Michael and Debi Pearl are barbaric child abusers, or loving, successful parents.
Every type of abuse leaves evidence to prove its occurrence, whether it be a mark on the spirit or the body. Let me give you the evidence that is me:
I am 32 years old, married and the mother of three children. I am the happiest person I know, and my life is full of fruit; my own three very happy, balanced children who are completely sound in body and mind.
I have written articles, books, screenplays, and traveled the world for 4 years, meeting new people, eating new food, ministering to those in need, and loving life. I always returned to my favorite place and my favorite people... my family.
I married a wonderful man who is worth every moment of reverence and honor I give him; he is my best friend and only lover.
I have very few bad memories of childhood, all of which I can recall clearly; my dog dying, my hand getting cut on a fresh pine board, my brother being stung by bees, and my father’s grief over a friend’s suffering. That’s all that I can recall.
I remember only one spanking. I remember it because I laughed all the way through it, and so did my Dad. I had played a prank that was dangerous, but funny, and fully deserved a spanking for it, but my parents were unable to spank me without laughing. That is the only spanking I clearly remember. The others were so well-deserved my conscience was able to write off the memory once the deed was paid for.
I was never injured in body or spirit by the training I received. I was never “struck” in anger. I did receive non-injurous spankings on my fully clothed backside with a willow switch when I had clearly transgressed a known “law” of the house. These spankings did not leave bruises or abrasions, or emotional distress.
I learned by the gentlest way possible that foolishness has consequences and wise choices make life comfortable. This training has literally saved my life and I am eternally grateful to both my parents for using a literal rod to train my flesh to make wise choices.
My brothers and sisters were my best friends growing up. We did everything together; swimming, playing, working. We usually got in trouble together too, and when spankings were due, they were due all around. However, trouble was hard to find, as either Mom or Dad was almost always with us, joining in the fun, the projects, and the learning. From dancing in the rain, to building forts, to learning to ride a bike; they were there, so much a part of my life.
A person is innocent until proven guilty. I have proof that Michael and Debi Pearl are wise and loving parents: I am the proof, and every one of my siblings would agree with me.
Almost everything we (my parents) have ever written is available online for FREE on nogreaterjoy.org; and everything else is as inexpensive as possible while still allowing No Greater Joy to operate as a non-profit organization, geared toward helping thousands of parents and children.
A lot of information about the Pearl’s on the internet is simply taken out of context or completely misquoted. Look up the quotes on nogreaterjoy.org for yourself and make sure your source isn’t lying or misconstruing the truth. It’s important to the homeschool movement that we be accountable for our views, instead of blindly following the loudest sensationalist, or giving them credibility of any kind. "
I think this speaks for itself. I have also seen and read all of their 5 children praising, thanking and honoring their parents as well.
Furthermore, Here are actual quotes from the book that warn against abuse. None of the media chooses to include these.
“Train up—not beat up. Train up—not discipline up.” “A child needs more than ‘obedience training’, but without first training him, discipline is insufficient” (page 4).
“Disciplinary actions can easily become excessive and oppressive if you set aside the tool of training and depend on discipline alone to do the training” (page 9).
“Parent, have you trained yourself not to discipline immediately but to wait until your irritation builds into anger? If so, then you have allowed anger to become your inducement to discipline” (page 25).
“Parent, if you are having problems with your children, you can be assured that you are not alone. Your children are also having problems with you. You are going to have to make adjustments in your own life if you are going to help them with their problems.” “… the responsibility for making a significant change is completely yours” (page 32).
“There are always some who act in the extreme. These individuals are capable of using what has been said about the legitimate use of the rod to justify ongoing brutality to their children” (page 50).
“The rod should never be a vent for parents’ anger. Where the supreme motivation is anything other than the child’s good, it is inevitable that such behavior by the parent will assuredly create problems” (page 51).
We thank God for the Pearls!
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How to grow in fellowship with your children
If you are on the fence about this book please read! If you are like me, you read some of the negative reviews on this book and they immediately caused you to be extremely skeptical, and concerned. I had read parts of this book at a friends house and had loved what little I had read, so I decided to go ahead and give it a shot. Let me start off by saying. I truly in my heart believe that anyone who has left a bad rating has never actually read the book. Or has little to no reading comprehension. Yes, this book does make its position on spanking clear. “It is a tool that should never be used in the place of Or confused with training.” They give lots and lots of instruction on proper spanking. Like, obviously you should never whip out of anger. It should only been done when you are calm and can do so lovingly. It literally says, if you leave a mark that lasts longer then 10 minutes it is too hard. They also state that when you are consistent with training you will hardly have to whip at all. Some of the Negative comments claim that children have been beat to death because of this book. How does one beat a child without leaving a bruise or mark that lasts longer then a small surface sting? They also state that if you are spanking and see No change in the child’s behavior you need to stop and seek counsel from a trusted family or friend, because there is a deeper problem that needs addressing. I wish I could’ve just wrote my review on what I loved about the book but I felt the need to also defend. This book mainly focuses on how to have a relationship of mutual love, respect, Admiration, and fellowship with your children. If you are someone who has never seen a whipping administered out of nothing but pure love for the child I can totally understand if you feel doubtful. But as this book points out look at the fruit of other parenting styles. I knew that spankings didn’t have to be an abusive and crushing moment. My mother spanked out of nothing but pure love and all of us kids Not only loved but Appreciated and admired her. We have also all been commended from coaches to college professors for our confidence and Over all love and enthusiasm for life itself. I don’t see many parents now days that have good relationships with their children. The 21st century parent seems to be in a constant state of frustration, desperation and aggravation while around their kids. They sit and dream of the moments they can “get a break.” And the truth is an un trained child isn’t just bad in his behavior. Their attitude is one of displeased, selfish, out of control, and miserable. Seeing a Joyful, loving, helpful, humble, and content child has become a rarity... some modern families even question their existence . But I’m telling you it is possible! You can cultivate those wonderful things in your children. You will enjoy their fellowship so much that you won’t need breaks. You will genuinely enjoy their company and them yours. This book does put the responsibility of the child’s character on the parents-which is a hard truth to accept. But this book will show you how to attain it. I added three images that I feel like help defend and explain the book a little.
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- Reviewed in the United States on November 20, 2013
- Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2010
Top reviews from other countries
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Brunno SantiagoReviewed in Brazil on June 14, 2017
Meu filho sorri muito mais agora!
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- Botanicus GeographicusReviewed in the United Kingdom on March 14, 2014
Amazing how many people spam about this important book
