I'm actually somewhat of a fan of these Asylum knockoff type movies, and find some of them entertaining and a lot of fun. Not this one however. Good grief.
Alien robots conquer earth - you won't actually see this, just some meteors hitting a city and then one really awful CGI robot appears and strikes a pose. At some point in the future, the few remaining humans decide to fight back. First, they send out a small team with a metal disk, which they place on the ground. If a robot comes within 6 feet of this thing, it will immobilize it. I mean, robots have control of the entire earth's surface, what are the chances of one of them getting within 6 feet of this thing? Anyhow, it doesn't work, the human's weapons are completely ineffective against the robots, they all get wiped out. One of the robots transforms into a huge cannon, then fires a comically wimpy little CGI effect at them.
So, what to do now? Well, since they're all completely incompetent, they decide to thaw out a prison inmate who is serving his sentence in cryogenic suspension. Yup. The few remaining humans are wasting their resources on keeping prisoners cryogenically frozen. What are the chances there will even be any people left by the time their sentence is completed? Whatever. Having this guy lead the rebellion causes a lot of arguing on the part of everyone else. A good way to kill some time in the movie. At one point he's having an indoctrination session for some of his macho soldiers, and three girls walk in and start talking in quasi-poetry like they're members of a high school Dungeons and Dragons club. A lot of the dialog is like this - ludicrous. I was too distracted by the fact that the audio and video are out of synch on the DVD to notice. someone starts talking, and a moment later their lips start moving. It's positively comical when you've got several people in a scene, and you hear words being spoken, and then after a bit you find out who's actually speaking them when one of the characters starts moving their lips.
They eventually go out and combat the robots some more, now their weapons are very effective against them (did I mention they had no effect at all before?). This stuff is pretty much incomprehensible. It's edited so badly that important scenes last only a few seconds so it's easy to miss that they even took place. One of the funniest parts is the sounds that the guns make - or should I say, don't make. In about one-third of the scenes, you get a comical looking muzzle flash special effect, and some goofy ray gun sound. But about two-thirds of the time, it's just somebody holding up a plastic gun, pretending to feel a recoil, while we hear and see nothing. You can't help but laugh.
The movie descends even deeper into incomprehensibility and by the end, it isn't even trying to make any sense. Two robots are shooting at some guys, one guy takes off his earring and tosses it into the room with the robots. He says some stuff that makes no sense whatsoever, then in the next scene the robots are forgotten about.
Overall, this is just about the worst movie I've seen in quite a while.
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Omnimyst
Bad bad bad, but won me a pint from my friends.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 16, 2015
