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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Paperback – October 12, 1999
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From Library Journal
As both an adoptee and president of Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network, Eldridge brings an original approach to the topic of adoption. In an attempt to inform adoptive parents of the unique issues adoptees face, she discusses adoptee anger, mourning, and shame and adoption acknowledgment while using case studies to illustrate how parents can better relate to their adopted child. This book is solidly written but not without its flaws; most importantly, it lacks information concerning child development, e.g., whether parents should use the same approach to questions with a three-year-old as with a 14-year-old. Still, this book will go well in any collection dealing with adoption, complementing David M. Brodzinsky's Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (Anchor, 1993) and Joyce Maguire Pavao's The Family of Adoption (Beacon, 1998).AMee-Len Hom, Hunter Coll. Lib., New York
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
"This is the book I've been waiting for! For those of us who have an adopted child, it is crucial that we understand what the adoption process means to the adoptee. Sherrie's book warmly compels us to do just that."
"Sherrie Eldridge has opened my eyes widely to the unique needs of my daughter and how to meet them."
"So many questions about adoption remain unspoken, leaving children and parents paralyzed with confusion. Sherrie Eldridge gives voice to these questions as well as answers, offering hope and help.
"Here at last is a book adoptive parents have been waiting for. Author Sherrie Eldridge has reached into her own experience s an adoptee and comes forth with twenty important issues that adoptive parents need to know in order to effectively parent their adopted children. A book all adoptive parents should read!"
"I now know that adoption was the core issue and the start of all my problems. Keep up the great work, as your book is more insightful and valuable than any the professionals have written."
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Though it is difficult to think of how painful and, frankly, damaging it can be to a child to have been separated by his birth mom (or birth parents), I personally feel reassured that some of my son's behaviors may stem from his adoption loss, and that there are things that may help him heal. My son will say things like, "I want to go live with my other family" when he's mad and also very heartbreaking things such as, "I should just be dead," when he is frustrated at himself for making a mistake. I can now see how his feelings directly tie to his adoption loss, curiosity about his birth family, and his sense of not being "good enough.". While I had suspected these things all long, it is somewhat reassuring to hear that adult adoptees have had similar experiences and feelings. Luckily, we seem to be on the right path with how we discuss adoption with our eldest son and how we react to the sometimes surprising things he says.
Yes, it is very sad to see your child suffering and know you can't completely take away his pain, nor truly understand what he feels like, but I feel closer to him having read this book. I seem to "get it" more now. And though he doesn't suffer from all the painful feelings that some adoptees do, thank goodness, it is a big part of who he is. ( I have a feeling that it might not be as difficult for my younger son, but he is still quite young). And I would NEVER not want to parent my kids because they have this painful past that they must live with. They are MY kids and I would do anything for all three of my kids and feel equally in love with and protective over all of them...maybe more protective of my boys, even. If you are looking to adopt, don't be discouraged by this book. Wait a while to read it, perhaps, but do read it. (I bought a copy for a friend who is a legal guardian to two young kids, one of whom has similar anger issues to my son and is also a sweetheart, and she is seeing her child in this book, too.). I will never know what it feels like to be adopted, but thanks to this book I can understand my children better and support them on their/our journey.