- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Touchstone; Reprint edition (May 23, 2017)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1501110071
- ISBN-13: 978-1501110078
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
- Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 117 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,425 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World Paperback – May 23, 2017
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Praise for Michele Borba:
“[The] go-to parent expert.” (CNN)
“The most trusted parenting expert in America.” (Dr. Drew)
“The Mommy Whisperer.” (Natalie Morales, TODAY show)
"In this brilliant and timely book, Michele Borba brings into sharp relief the key skill for children making it in the twenty-first century -- empathy. This beautifully written, eminently actionable book will inspire parents and their children to take on the complex issues of our twenty-first century guided by the power of empathy and kindness. This book offers a roadmap to a much brighter future." (Dacher Keltner, director of the Greater Good Science Center and author of The Power Paradox: How we Gain and Lose Influence)
"UnSelfie is an absolute must-read for parents. Want your children to be both caring and successful? UnSelfie shows you how, with easy to implement techniques grounded in the latest research. It turns out that empathy-- understanding other people's feelings -- is not just "nice," but one of the most useful skills your children can learn. An engaging read with vivid stories and practical advice, UnSelfie is the most important parenting book you will read this year." (Jean M. Twenge, author of Generation Me and co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic)
“UnSelfie contains everything parents and educators need how to know to give children the ‘empathy advantage’ and raise a new generation of caring, happy, successful kids. Nobody on the planet is better than Michele Borba at showing you how to put empathy into action. Read this book. It will change your kids' lives!” (Jack Canfield, Coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Parent’s Soul and The Success Principles™)
"Once again Dr. Michele Borba has written a book that is not only 'good' but essential. By writing about empathy in the context of our children's increased technology use, Dr. Borba penetrates the often hidden world of electronics. She does so with a science-based perspective that mirrors our own common sense. UnSelfie is a must-read for parents, teachers, and policy-makers." (Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls)
“Dr. Borba’s 9-step plan for raising successful, happy kids who also are kind, courageous, and resilient provides a revolutionary new framework for learning empathy. Empathetic kids will thrive in the future, but the seeds of success can be planted today—one habit at a time. Read this book to find out how.” (Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege and Teach Your Children Well)
“Countless books advise parents on how to foster their children’s achievement and determination. But in order to succeed in today’s world, it’s just as important to be kind, compassionate, and concerned about the well-being of others. If you care about cultivating these traits in your child – and you should – you’ll heed Michele Borba’s wise advice.” (Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., author of The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting)
“As a parent and educator, I understand why so many of us are worried about the impact of constant connectivity and self-focus our culture so often glorifies. But Michele Borba's UnSelfie gives us such a powerful tool to counteract these seemingly overwhelming challenges. She has wonderful and practical ways to reconnect with our children and guide them so they can develop healthy relationships with others. And really her advice doesn't only apply to our children--we would all do well to follow Borba's advice.I hadn't even finished it and I was already applying her wisdom to how I am raising my sons.” (Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes)
About the Author
Michele Borba, EdD, is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. One of the foremost authorities on childhood development in the country, she is a regular NBC contributor who appears regularly on Today and has been featured as an expert on Dateline, The View, Dr. Phil, NBC Nightly News, Fox & Friends, Dr. Oz, and The Early Show, among many others. She lives in Palm Springs, California, with her husband, and she is the mother of three grown sons.
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Michele Borba, Ed.D has penned, UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, a gem of a book that asserts that when they operate with empathy, not only do our children, families and communities feel and function better for everyone, but also that holy grail of American philosophy–one’s ability to achieve personal SUCCESS-dramatically improves. She outlines why parents’ best strategy for supporting their kids success is to teach them how to be empathetic.
Borba points out just as families must encourage (expect) academic achievement, parents must set clear expectations for our kids to live a life based on values and empathy. In the absence of regular nurturing, practice and acknowledgement, the fragile bud of empathy and values-based behavior withers and “me first” “not-my-problem” mentality replaces it.
Emotional literacy, empathy, and, an internalized moral compass don’t just happen. Parents must intentionally teach, model, encouraged, and reinforce empathy. We need teach our family values with intention, clarify, and commitment.( The Swift* family is kind. The Swift* family helps. The Swift* family respects others, etc.,) We parents must routinely express our expectation that our children will live according to those values. When our kids follow through, we need to notice, affirm and reinforce that commitment to living with in the family value frame.
As a culture we are quick to encourage and acknowledge academic and athletic excellence. We must elevate empathy to the same high regard.
Why should adoptive parents embrace her idea? Through the lens of Intentional parenting, we often focus on emotional literacy and on fostering an environment which attunes to emotional states and welcomes the honest expression of those feelings–the happy, the sad, and the “ugly.” We understand that human beings are “feeling” beings and that emotions influence our thoughts, beliefs and behavior. We get that.
Borba invites us to graduate to a higher appreciation of the need for emotional resonance, one that understands that by attuning with empathy to emotions –ours and those around us– we activate the highest plane of our humanity. We see other points of view, hear other ideas, and communicate instead of talking at one another.
And. Everyone. Benefits.
When we recognize the impact of our choices and actions have on others and work to cooperate instead of stepping on others to boost ourselves, something wonderful happens: stress diminishes, bullying lessens, health improves and everyone not only has a better “shot” at success, more people achieve success and feel better about themselves and others in the process. She asserts that empathy is foundational to the development of a moral identity. Sound to good to be true?
Her well-researched book includes much documentation that supports her point of view and the improvements which increased empathy produced in schools, communities and families.
This book overflows with simple, effective and practical ideas for how to nurture empathy because it is a skill parents can teach. Anyone can learn to be empathetic. She shares many strategies for “developing, practicing, and living empathy.” Many are brilliantly simple.
PLEASE read this book. Our world needs more Intentional, empathetic and attuned families.
#TogetherWeSucceed As adoptive families people often question the validity of our families or see them as slightly less connected. We know how it feels to have to defend our legitimacy. If instead, people cultivated a more empathetic POV, they would see that we love as deeply and are as connected and real as their own. --Gayle H. Swift, "ABC, Adoption & Me"