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Zachary R. Wood

Uncensored: My Life and Uncomfortable Conversations at the Intersection of Black and White America Hardcover – June 19, 2018

by Zachary R. Wood (Author)

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Drawing upon his own powerful personal story, Zachary Wood shares his perspective on free speech, race, and dissenting opinions--in a world that sorely needs to learn to listen.

As the former president of the student group Uncomfortable Learning at his alma mater, Williams College, Zachary Wood knows from experience about intellectual controversy. At school and beyond, there's no one Zach refuses to engage with simply because he disagrees with their beliefs--sometimes vehemently so--and this view has given him a unique platform in the media.

But Zach has never shared the details of his own personal story. In Uncensored, he reveals for the first time how he grew up poor and black in Washington, DC, where the only way to survive was resisting the urge to write people off because of their backgrounds and perspectives. By sharing his troubled upbringing--from a difficult early childhood to the struggles of code-switching between his home and his elite private school--Zach makes a compelling argument for a new way of interacting with others and presents a new outlook on society's most difficult conversations.

Print length

272 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Dutton
Publication date

June 19, 2018
Dimensions

5.75 x 0.94 x 8.55 inches
ISBN-10

1524742449
ISBN-13

978-1524742447
Lexile measure

1040L
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From the Publisher

Uncensored: My Life and Uncomfortable Conversations at the Intersection of Black and White America

Editorial Reviews

Review

“In this remarkably honest memoir, Zachary R. Wood has written a veritable bildungsroman, tracing his journey from high school scholarship student from a poor black neighborhood in Washington, DC, to leader of the free speech movement at Williams College. This work provides a timely view of both political life on elite college campuses and the struggles of the working poor against the backdrop of institutional racism. It also explores, with bracing candor, Wood’s growth as a young writer and intellectual, whose mistakes are as formative as his successes. Wood’s memoir is a must-read for anyone concerned about the American promise of social mobility.”—Henry Louis Gates Jr., Alphonse Fletcher University Professor at Harvard University and author of Life Upon These Shores

“I met Zachary Wood when he was nineteen. After an hour of talking with him, I was volunteering for his (future) U.S. presidential campaign. (I have my fingers crossed that he’ll decide to run someday, because we need him.) Zachary Wood represents everyone, and he does so with dignity, clarity, kindness, and great courage, which comes across loud and clear in this phenomenal book, Uncensored. Zachary’s story of resilience, compassion, and conviction will be read by millions, and I’ll be pushing for it to be a book that’s assigned in high school classrooms everywhere. He teaches—and shows—us how to resolve and heal some of our deepest conflict—with true curiosity, empathy, and openness.”—Amy Cuddy, New York Times bestselling author of Presence

“An intensely personal memoir about a childhood that trained [Wood] to be nimble and empathetic.”—Chicago Tribune

“Wood is a cerebral analyst . . . an effective translator of the two worlds he navigates—four worlds, really, rich and poor as notable as black and white.”—The Christian Science Monitor

"[Wood] writes frankly—and with unfiltered language—of challenges both at home and at elite private schools in Michigan and DC."—World

"One cannot help but root for Wood while reading his life story . . . [and] conservatives would do well to emulate how Wood approaches the issues: listening, reflecting, and debating."—The College Fix

“Wood elevates the approach to difficult conversations and dialogue, succeeding in helping people overcome indifference. A must-read for young social activists, free speech crusaders, and fans of inspirational memoirs.”—Library Journal

“Wood writes movingly about the debilitating effects of racism and poverty. . . . A singular voice that, as Wood would say, you may not agree with but to which you at least have to listen.”—Booklist

“Uncensored is inspired. Zachary Wood is an American hero for standing up on the front line of the fight for free speech on college campuses. This young, black man who has overcome so much in his life, tells an incredible story of crossing political lines in search of honest debate.”
—Juan Williams, author of Eyes on the Prize and political analyst for Fox News

“It is difficult to know what is more amazing, the fact that a twenty-one-year-old is publishing a memoir of his life, the fact that he indeed has a life and a complicated one to narrate, or the fact that out of hardscrabble beginnings he has fashioned a present full of accomplishment and promises a future that the reader soon comes to believe in. He thinks he will be president of the United States. I wouldn’t bet against him.”—Stanley Fish, New York Times bestselling author of How to Write a Sentence

“A spectacular debut from an impressive individual who has already been and will continue to be a force for the good and for the Republic. Republicans and Democrats alike can learn something from Zachary Wood’s story, and it may not be what you expect to learn. Mr. Wood, I suspect, would be more than happy with that.”—Allison Stanger, Russell J. Leng ’60 Professor of International Politics and Economics at Middlebury College

"Candid, passionate, disturbing, and judicious, Zachary Wood’s Uncensored traces a young man’s odyssey through the challenges and affirmations of family life, academic institutions, and campus controversies. Ambitious and altruistic, admired and maligned, driven yet self-reflective, Wood examines and celebrates the sense of calling that informs his prodigious energy and talent. Uncensored is an honest, compelling, and unforgettable book."
—David Lionel Smith, John W. Chandler Professor of English at Williams College

"There is nothing predictable or even familiar about this astonishing memoir by Zachary Wood, despite its components of race and class. It's a work alternately harrowing and exhilarating in its unflinching detail of survival—its picture of a child waking in daily fear wondering what the day with his mentally ill mother will bring. The exhilaration comes with Mr. Wood's sterling command of his narrative, which is impossible to put down once begun. Its author began reading at a very early age and never stopped. His story is, in addition to all else, profound and eloquent testimony to books and reading and their power to make a life."—Dorothy Rabinowitz, author of No Crueler Tyrannies

About the Author

Zachary R. Wood is an Assistant Curator at TED, as well as a former Columnist and Assistant Opinion Editor at The Guardian, a former Robert L. Bartley Fellow at The Wall Street Journal, and a class of 2018 graduate of Williams College. His recent work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, HuffPost, The Nation, The Weekly Standard, Times Higher Education, and Inside Higher Ed. A Washington, DC, native, Wood currently resides in New York City.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

Crossroads

My mother was the first person I desperately tried to understand. She was five feet seven with mahogany skin and a beautiful smile. She was born in Fort Worth, Texas, but spent most of her childhood in Detroit. She was a people person, with excellent soft skills, and she rarely made anything less than a great first impression when she wanted to.

But I could never take her words at face value. When I was about four years old she sat me down and told me in graphic detail what my father had done that forced her to leave him. She sat, unblinking, her face mere inches from mine. "Your father," she said slowly through clenched teeth, drawing each word out as she gestured with the lit cigarette that dangled from between her fingers, "took me by my shoulders and threw me down on the ground. He pinned me there, Zachary," she continued, "calling me a fucking bitch and holding me down with all his strength until I could hardly breathe."

I was terrified. I didn't want to hear any more, but even at the age of four I knew better than to interrupt my mother when she was speaking. "Then he picked me up," she said, her brow knit and eyes focused, "and threw me against the wall. It hurt to walk, but I ran into your room to get you so that we could leave. But your father blocked the doorway and refused to let us out."

I was later told that when my father left for work the next morning, my mother borrowed money from a friend to rent an apartment, and the two of us moved out of our house in Forestville, Maryland. For weeks, my dad had no idea where my mom and I were. During that time, she filled my head with lies about my father, repeating this violent, graphic story over and over with her voice and eyes full of fear and anger.

I had nightmares about my father knocking my mom over, slapping her, and throwing her to the ground. But had he done those things? My young mind was confused. The details of his beatings were there in my memory, but they didn't feel the same as other memories that I knew to be true. I couldn't tell what was real.

Finally, my mom's mom, whom I called Lola, convinced my mother to let me see my father again. I was so happy to be back home at his house, but I was also confused. All weekend, I wouldn't stop asking my father questions about what had happened between him and my mom. "Daddy, did you hurt Mommy? Did you hit her?"

"No," he said with a sigh. "That's not how I remember it." He never said she was lying. But I sensed from spending time with my father that her stories were biased. I loved being with my dad. He was at work a lot, but when he got home he'd throw some meat and vegetables into the oven and take me to the park to play. My dad has always been a gym rat. He's in great shape to this day, and when I was a kid he had at least as much energy as I did. And I always had a lot of energy.

This was how my dad showed his affection-by doing rather than saying. He was emotionally reserved but engaged, a man of few words. He rarely told me that he loved me, but he showed me clearly that he did by always being there, ready to play with me and make his best efforts at answering my endless questions. No matter how exhausted or frustrated he was, he never raised his voice. His house, which I still thought of as home, was a place of peace.

It was in direct contrast to life with my mom, and I missed my dad terribly when he wasn't around. A few months after we'd moved out of my dad's house, we were going through a drive-through when I told my mom, "I want to be with my dad."

Now, this memory is crystal clear. My mom took the bag of food and sped off, abruptly stopping the car a few yards away. She reached over to the passenger seat, grabbed me, and forcefully placed me in her lap. She put her hands on my shoulders and began shaking me aggressively.

"No, Zachary," she said over and over as she shook me. "No, no, no, no, no." I felt dizzy. "Tell me you love me." She kept on shaking me. My head was spinning. "Tell me that you want to live with me." I just cried. I was so scared. I had never seen her that angry. "Tell me, Zachary."

"Yes," I finally said in a small voice, and she abruptly stopped. I was still crying, and my head hurt, but she placed me back in my seat and drove off as if nothing had happened. I didn't say a word for the rest of the day.

When I think about these early memories, I try to reconcile them with the many times my mom said, "If you fail at raising your children, nothing else in life really matters." It was a paraphrase of her favorite quotation from Jacqueline Kennedy, whom she admired for her elegance and sophistication. When I think about the fear and pain I felt as a child, I try to remember the amazing birthday parties my mother threw for me and the times she sat me down one-on-one and said, "Zachary, I love you more than you will ever know. Honey, I love you more than life itself."

Even when I resented her for how she made me feel, I loved my mother dearly, just as I do now. As I look back, it's easier to see how as a little kid my mind was overwhelmed by the expectation of her rage. Though I never doubted that she loved me, the abuse I endured often made it difficult for me to feel her love.

Different people yell at varying levels of intensity-a raised voice, a shout, a quick holler. When my mother yelled, it was as if all her rage were being unleashed-and she had a lot of rage. She yelled with high intensity for as long as she could. Many times, she'd scream at me until her voice became hoarse. Then she'd take a break and start yelling again when her voice returned.

While she was yelling, I had to stand up straight and still and maintain eye contact with her the entire time. If I slouched or dropped my gaze, it would make things worse. Sometimes she'd yell while sitting back in her chair, smoking a cigarette. But most of the time, she would stand uncomfortably close to me, staring me right in the eyes. If I wasn't focusing enough on what she was saying, she'd point her finger right up to my eye, so close that it was almost touching. "Don't blink," she said sternly. "Don't you fucking blink."

I always looked forward to visits with my dad, but they were never frequent enough for me. The second-best thing was trips to see my grandma Lola and her husband, whom I called Papa, in Detroit. They were both retired, so they spent all their time with me when I visited. Lola had been an elementary school teacher for more than twenty years in the Detroit public school system, and Papa was a child psychologist.

Shortly after my third birthday, I went to stay with Lola and Papa for four weeks, and Lola taught me to read. I loved it, sitting there on her lap, watching her trace each word on the page with three fingers as she read to me.

Lola showered me with gifts and special treats. She promised that if I worked with her on my reading every morning, she would take me to Crossroads. Crossroads was short for Great Lakes Crossing Outlets mall. As a little kid, I thought it was absolutely the coolest place in the world. It was so big and was filled with a dizzying number of colors, contraptions, and curiosities. The mall had a Rainforest Cafe, with a life-size mechanical alligator that rose up out of the water and snapped its jaws when I walked up close to it. I was tempted to run up and smack it and then run away before it could bite me. I did this over and over again.

Crossroads also had the largest, most colorful, and most inviting play area I'd ever seen. Instead of a standard jungle gym, there were huge fruits and vegetables the size of SUVs made of glazed rubber for kids to climb, jump, and slide on. After I finished my reading, Lola took me to the mall and sat there watching me while I played. After I had spent all my energy, we got Bourbon chicken from our favorite place in the food court.

It took an hour to get to Crossroads from Lola's house, and during those rides back and forth she told me all about the trips she'd taken with Papa to western Europe, China, Japan, Russia, and South America. She explained to me that in different cultures, people valued different things, and that we shouldn't assume things about people until we understood their backgrounds. I rested my head on the car window, tired out from the long day of playing, and imagined the faces of the people who lived in these foreign countries. How were their lives similar to mine? I wondered. How were they different?

When I got back to DC after visiting Lola and Papa, my mom had a new boyfriend, Kevin. He was born and raised in Virginia. He was a relatively quiet man-dark skinned, short, and stocky with a strong work ethic. Kevin had a bald head and pimples that must have been with him since puberty. He was hard of hearing and tried to keep to himself, but my mom was always picking a fight with him. She made Kevin sleep in the basement and frequently told him he wasnÕt a real man. For some reason he worshipped her and would do whatever she asked, whether it was to tell me bad things about my father, slash her bossÕs tires, or beat up another guy who looked at her the wrong way. I was a child; I was completely dependent on my mom, and she made me believe that I would never be able to survive without her. But, hard as I tried, I never understood why Kevin stayed.

Kevin had a nephew named Warren who was around my age and often played at our house. One day when I was about five years old, Warren dared me to draw on the wall, and I did it. Of course, Warren immediately tattled to Kevin, who told my mom. After sending Kevin to take Warren home, she calmly told me, "Go get the flyswatter and take off your clothes."

Slowly, reluctantly, I did as she said. When I came back into the room, she pointed her finger right up to my eye. "You better not drop a fucking tear," she said before turning me around. I braced myself for what I knew was coming. Pow. Pow. Pow. This went on for several minutes until my whole backside was stinging. Then she stopped. She ordered me into her bedroom, turned off all the lights, and slammed the door closed.

Alone in the dark, I cried. I was afraid to lie on her bed, so I lay on the floor for hours. My mom came back into the room after midnight and started yelling. For hours, she told me what a disappointment I was, how ungrateful I was, how I didn't love her enough, and that I was just like my father.

It always went back to my father. Even in her calmer moments, she was fixated on my dad. She desperately wanted me to hate him, or to at least pretend that I did. She told me that if ever he took me away from her, she and Kevin would hang my father upside down and use a potato peeler to castrate him.

On nights like these, I went to bed wishing that I'd never wake up. I was too young to have any real understanding of death. I just wanted the pain to end. If she was this mad at me, I reasoned, then I must have been fundamentally bad, and maybe God was mad at me, too. I was afraid that if I did die, I'd go to hell, but I wasn't sure it would be much worse.

Early the next morning, my mom ran into my room and flipped on the lights singing the Green Acres theme song by Vic Mizzy at the top of her lungs.

"Mommy, I'm tired," I told her. I had barely slept the night before.

"Come on, buddy, wake up," she responded with a wide smile. "Sweet pea, Mama's pooh bear, a ziggity Zach-a Zach attack, sing it with me."

I closed my eyes, too exhausted to join in the fun. I knew that she wouldn't stop until I rolled over, gave her a kiss, and climbed out of bed. On days like this, instead of being angry or sad, she was full of energy and ready to have fun. These were the days I most looked forward to. My mom took me out to breakfast at Denny's or Bob Evans, and then we went to Chuck E. Cheese's and played arcade games for hours. She didn't just watch me play like the other moms. No, she was so into the experience that she even climbed around in the Sky Tubes, jumped in the ball pit, and went through the fun house with me. But our favorite game was Skee-Ball. We competed to see who could get the highest score, laughing and talking smack as we tried to outdo each other. But most of the time, she ended up letting me win.

After spending several hours at Chuck E. Cheese's, my mom took me to the movies. We paid for two tickets to whatever kids' movie was playing and then snuck into a second movie after that one ended. It was still daylight out after the second movie, so we went go-cart racing. My mom loved the go-carts. My feet didn't yet reach the pedals, so I just sat beside her as she drove, hooting and laughing the entire time.

After that, she let me choose where to go for dinner. I picked Famous Dave's, because they had the best barbecue in town. But my mom wasn't satisfied with the options offered in a single meal, so she ordered several large platters, far more than the two of us could possibly eat. Our last stop before heading home was at Baskin-Robbins for ice cream. I was completely stuffed, but I made sure to eat my ice cream, not wanting for a moment to seem ungrateful.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Dutton; First Edition (June 19, 2018)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1524742449
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1524742447
Lexile measure ‏ : ‎ 1040L
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.4 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.75 x 0.94 x 8.55 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #1,214,053 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,320 in Social Activist Biographies
- #15,127 in Sociology (Books)
- #36,253 in Memoirs (Books)

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Benjamin W. Slivka

Zach (Williams'18): his hard youth, books, ideas, and speech

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 26, 2018

Verified Purchase

Mr. Wood graduated from elite Williams college this year, and now writes for the Wall Street Journal.
His black parents divorced when he was very young, and he describes in frank detail his mother's mood swings and the mental and physical abuse he suffered.
His grandparents encouraged his love of learning, and books were his everyday (and late night) escape from the grim economic poverty of his home.
He managed to attend an elite private middle school in suburban Detroit, then escaped his mother (via Child Protective Services) to live with his father. He completed three years at an elite private high school that required a 4 hour daily commute from the barely-habitable small home that his father, other grandmother, uncle, and younger half-sister shared.
He sent emails to several classmates, impersonating college professors, and had to withdraw before his senior year. He found an online high school to complete his diploma, visited several colleges, applied early-decision to Williams, and enrolled in the fall.of 2014. Though a self-described progressive liberal, he loves spirited, informed debate. He took over the reins of the student group Uncomfortable Learning in his sophomore year, and sought to bring speakers with alternative views on sex and race to Williams. One speaker's visit was cancelled by the President of Williams, which brought Mr. Wood national attention.
He wraps up his story at the end of his sophomore year (5/2016), and I assume spent his junior year writing his autobiography, as it was published in the spring of 2018.
Mr. Wood is at his best describing the harrowing personal experiences with his mother, the challenges of "code-switching" between black "hood" culture and the homes and schools of his rich white private school classmates, and his hunger for knowledge and hard work.
I wish he had described more details of his interactions with friends, teachers, professors, and mentors -- most often, he instead describe these individuals with a handful of nice adjectives.
I also didn't understand how his family circumstances were so impoverished -- his dad was working 3 jobs for years -- but he manages to find money to jet around the country for summer schools and college visits.
I thought it was appropriate that Mr. Wood leaves the reader unsure of what Mr. Wood truly believes. Without saying so directly, we know that his search for truth and understanding is a journey, and the destination is uncertain.
I rate the book 5 stars for fearless bravery, but I deducted 1 star because I wanted more gritty details and insights on his interactions during college.

18 people found this helpful

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t e miller

A Must Read about Life and Free Speech - ready for what Zach writes next

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 14, 2019

Verified Purchase

Mr. Wood's memoir is a remarkable piece on the true and gritty nature of life. He cohesively and entertainingly chronicles his journeys from childhood to adulthood. With challenging intellectual engagement and family matters being the threads tying the book together, Mr. Wood is able to tell a story of modern America from the perspective of a young American leader. His book is an act of leadership, as he speaks for a generation not yet publishing novels.

If you are on the fence, I 100% recommend picking up Zach's book. For me, in the meantime, I will be waiting for Mr. Wood's next piece!

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wilsdaws

Refreshingly honest and enlightening

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 8, 2018

Verified Purchase

Having heard about the Uncomfortable Learning Club from my son (Williams '18), I was very interested in reading about this brave, forward-thinking and risk taking student's life. Zach tells his story with vulnerable honesty and has a rare non-judgemental perspective that is so refreshing and admirable especially in the world we live in right now. To be in his 20's and exhibit maturity and understanding that many people never achieve in a lifetime, is a unique gift. The world needs more people like Zach who are unafraid and willing to make their voices heard to make a difference.

10 people found this helpful

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JLee

Intriguing

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 12, 2018

Verified Purchase

Wood's story is one of heartfelt inspiration & insight. His ambition comes from a source of pain where others would use as an excuse to perhaps chose a different path. At times you forget how young he is based on his intellect. His views cause you to examine your philosophies & embrace opposing perspectives without being threatened.

2 people found this helpful

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Wallbaby

Could have been great.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 7, 2018

Verified Purchase

Really wanted to like this book and parts of it delivered. The story of his harrowing youth and how it impacted his life was riveting. But from the title of the book I thought there would be much more discussion about what it’s like being black in America. I thought he might discuss more deeply his feelings on police interactions with Blacks, cultural appropriation and the discrimination he’s faced etc. I’m sure he is a brilliant young man who will benefit society with his life. But he seems ambitious and driven almost to excess. I hope this young man will learn to enjoy and appreciate the beauty of the natural world he lives in.

8 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

Great read.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 18, 2020

Verified Purchase

Excellent book. The story is inspiring for anyone who faced/faces challenges in childhood.
It’s also written as a level that makes for a pretty quick read.

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Candice Frazer

A guide to difficult conversations

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 26, 2018

Verified Purchase

This book is storytelling genius. Wood masterfully navigated me through his formative experiences as a means to add context to the means to have difficult conversations. While I do consider myself a book worm, I typically move slowly through books. However, I devoured this book in 24 hours. Worth the read for anyone who wants to be entertained, educated, and instructed how to meaningfully engage others who don't have the same values that you do.

5 people found this helpful

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pharmy80

More about how cultural surroundings impact his education goals.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 29, 2018

Verified Purchase

This story is told from the perspective of the events in his life which allows you to draw your own conclusions. with that said there is a lot more information on how his cultural surroundings impacted his ability to chart his educational course.

One person found this helpful

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Uncensored: My Life and Uncomfortable Conversations at the Intersection of Black and White America Hardcover – June 19, 2018

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Buy new:

$12.65

FREE delivery: Saturday, Aug 5 on orders over $25.00 shipped by Amazon.

Ships from: Amazon

Sold by: Collectiblecounty

Buy used:

$12.01