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The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism Hardcover – November 1, 2005
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“If you’ve ever wondered, ‘What is going through my child’s mind? Why can’t he get social interactions?’ then this book is for you! ‘A-ha!’ moments abound.”
Veronica Zysk, editor of Autism/Asperger’s Digest and this book, both published by Future Horizons.
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Top Customer Reviews
I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!
One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.
One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.
For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.
Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.
The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.
This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.
Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.
For example, how do you teach someone to rank rules in a situation where several rules apply and they conflict with each other?? This is something most people do automatically. If you don't realize that this is an issue with Aspie/autist kids, they can make some really bad choices. So the IEP goal becomes: "student will learn to rate the relative importance of following conflicting rules in a given situation and follow the rule that is most important." That way teachers and parents realize that the various rules have to be articulated, discussed, ranked, and then how to apply the rules in different situations has to be taught. Difficult, but possible.
This book is brilliant.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is one of the most helpful, practical, and relatable books I have ever read. Not only is it a guide to navigating the complexities and nuance of social relationships, but it's... Read morePublished 6 days ago by mbsawwan
It was well thought out. The different views made it a better read and view point.Published 2 months ago by Ratdog
While it is a decent example of a "successful" person on the autism spectrum, it gives no real helpful examples. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
I thought this was a great book. My daughter has just been diagnosed at age 23 with autism--the kind that is often accompanied by anxiety and depression. Read morePublished 6 months ago by Laurie Horrocks
If your child has problems with social interactions, this book will help them in that effort.This book was well written by two people who have autism. Read morePublished 9 months ago by P. Mitchell
I'm learning things I didn't know about how ASD people think.Published 9 months ago by Korrect Kritters