In The Upside of Your Dark Side, Dr. Kashdan and Dr. Biswas-Deiner—both accomplished researchers in the field of positive psychology—show how and why being happy is far less important than being whole. This isn’t to say that being happy or the research on happiness is unimportant, or that your “dark side” is the key to success. In the introduction the authors are clear that, “if positivity and optimism account for 80 percent of success, more or less, then tapping the whole range of experience offers that remaining 20 percent edge.” Positivity is important, but darker emotions like anger, narcissism, and psychopathy (in moderation!) are important contributors to a whole and meaningful life.
That last claim may sound a bit far fetched, especially to American readers, so Kashdan and Biswas-Deiner marshal a mountain of evidence to show why evolution didn’t provide us with a dark side by mistake. In the five main chapters of the book, the authors show that:
* our obsession with comfort makes it difficult to tolerate the inevitable hardships of life. (Ch. 2)
* getting a little angry, feeling a little anxiety, and feeling a little guilt can make us better people. Anger helps us get stuff done, anxiety tells us that something is wrong and needs our attention, and guilt leads us to make amends. We should appreciate these emotions, and can use them to get things done, rather than just shutting them down. (Ch. 3)
* feeling happy all of the time makes us less persuasive and less attentive to detail, and self-consciously trying to be happy can make us less happy if reality doesn’t live up to our fantasy. (Ch. 4)
* despite the current cultural and scientific zeitgeist about the benefits of being mindful, many of our most powerful and accurate processing mechanisms are mindless. We often make better decisions acting impulsively than deliberately (and the authors show just how to balance impulse and deliberation). (Ch. 5)
* being manipulative, narcissistic, and psychopathic (in moderation) can lead to success. If we knew someone who said “I’m going to change the way humanity communicates,” we’d scoff at their ego. But Steve Jobs, with an ego that big and bigger, did just that. (Ch. 6)
Mirroring the “20 percent edge,” this book is about 80 percent research and 20 percent application. The reader interested in understanding how positive and negative emotions make us whole will find much of interest in here. The reader interested in using this research to improve their productivity, leadership, or personal wholeness will also find some suggestions for applying these findings.
No book is perfect, and this one is no exception. The authors cite loads of studies about how people who do X have outcomes Y and then suggest that if we also do X we may experience Y. The potential problem is that those studies were generally on people who naturally do those things. To be fair, the authors do discuss the importance of making sure that these dark emotions need to be authentic to experience the benefits. But there is a difference between being a narcissist, for example, and a humble person who embraces an occasional narcissistic moment in which they feel like the rules don't apply to them. This is a minor quibble—and perhaps one that is specific to psychology professors like myself—and doesn’t dampen my recommendation for the book; after all, there is a good chance that emulating what others do naturally will work just like it does for them. But readers should be aware that the research is not on people like them to try to harness aspects of their dark side they don't normally harness. It may work, but it may not; the research simply doesn't give a definitive answer.
Overall, The Upside of Your Dark Side represents the best of science writing. It provides thorough descriptions of a scientific literature, written in plain English, is humorous and engaging, offers new and provocative suggestions, and gives the general public insight into how the research they fund with their tax dollars may, in fact, help them be better people.
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Stop thinking of -ve and +ve emotions as generally bad or good. Instead harness the power inherent in all emotions.
I'm Mani Vaya, the Founder of 2000books - Book Summaries for Ambitious Entrepreneurs. We only review/summarize books that we believe will help an ambitious entrepreneur move their business/life forward and "The Upside of your dark side" is one of those books. I recently interviewed the Author - Todd Kashdan for our 2000 Books podcast and you can listen to our podcast interview to delve deeper into this book. Below, I want to point out the most important learnings and insights from this book.1) Harness the positive from your negative emotions----If you choose to numb the negatives ... you also numb the positives----You can’t get rid of -ve negative emotions without also suppressing the +Ve ones----People avoid negative emotions because they underestimate their capacity to handle distressFor example – ANXIETY is considered a negative emotion. How does anxiety affect us?----Too little anxiety – Leads to boredom and lack of attention----Too much anxiety – Paralyzes a person and Leaves them overwhelmed---- Anxiety can narrow your thinking and make you very focused. But that is not always bad … because that is what you need in certain situationsHeightened perception, awareness, being able to tune out other un-important things … are all a requirement in those special moments2) Stop thinking about emotions as good or bad in general---- Instead harness their power---- Anger = enhances courage---- Anxiety = Enhances awareness3) Emotional Labelling helps us live fuller lives---- Clarify and label the emotions being felt---- Clarify and label Without getting tangled up in the emotions---- When we clarify and label negative emotions they lose their grip on us---- When it comes to emotions – Differentiate as much as you can. You will gain access to emotional agility.4) On Happiness---- We wrongly predict what will make us happy in the future because we overlook our capacity to tolerate and even adapt to discomfort---- We overestimate how happy we will feel when something +ve happens and We underestimate our capacity to tolerate distress---- In order to live well, We can’t just accept positive emotions and deny -ve emotions-Mani Vaya, Founder of the 2000books podcast, youtube channel and website
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