The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Drew Hayes (Author), Kirby Heyborne (Narrator), Tantor Audio (Publisher)

4.4 5,093 ratings

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Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one.

Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world: a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive". Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

Listening Length

7 hours and 2 minutes
Author

Drew Hayes
Narrator

Kirby Heyborne
Audible release date

February 24, 2015
Language

English
Publisher

Tantor Audio
ASIN

B00TIXW5AI
Version

Unabridged
Program Type

Audiobook
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Product details

Listening Length	7 hours and 2 minutes
Author	Drew Hayes
Narrator	Kirby Heyborne
Whispersync for Voice	Ready
Audible.com Release Date	February 24, 2015
Publisher	Tantor Audio
Program Type	Audiobook
Version	Unabridged
Language	English
ASIN	B00TIXW5AI
Best Sellers Rank	#8,649 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #19 in Paranormal Fantasy for Teens #22 in Paranormal Mystery, Thriller & Suspense for Teens #44 in Teen & Young Adult Vampire Fiction

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5

5,093 global ratings

5 star		55%
4 star		32%
3 star		11%
2 star		2%
1 star		1%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Kate

Cozy vampire adventures

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 30, 2023

Verified Purchase

It's more of a series of short episodes than a traditional novel format, but a fun bedtime read.

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Kit

Light, Funny, Sweet Book

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on June 18, 2018

Verified Purchase

I have read over a hundred vampire books in my lifetime, but I can honestly say that Fred is unlike any other vampire I have ever read about. And this strange vampire’s unlife and POV did make for a fun, entertaining book. So here are my thoughts, in no particular order.

– The book was episodic—it was basically this man, Fred, telling some anecdotes about incidents that have happened in his life since becoming a vampire—but it worked well enough in this case. I do wonder though if these were originally published separately since, with each new “episode” (I don’t know if they were called that, I think they were journal entries, but I’m calling them that), things would be explained that were just explained or that just happened in the previous episodes. The repetition was mildly annoying but a small issue.

– Contrary to what Fred says, the title of this book is not quite true. Fred himself was rather uninteresting (more on that in a moment), but his life was not. Werewolves, necromancers, dragons—for a man who literally plans his spontaneity, he manages to get into quite a bit of trouble.

– When I said Fred was uninteresting, I didn’t mean that as an insult to the book. That was just his character. The man ironed his Halloween costume for goodness sake. He was a straight-laced accountant who rarely left his apartment, wore sweater vests, and got ulcers and stress headaches at the thought of confrontation. But then… he started changing. Slowly but surely, he started changing. Forget becoming a vampire, dating Crystal was the best thing that ever happened to him. (Ok, fine, becoming a vampire still helped, but he would’ve just gone on with his same lifestyle had she not come along.) I loved seeing his growth throughout the book, but I also loved that he was still himself at his core. He didn’t really have anyone he was close to throughout his life, but as he got a girlfriend and friends, he started to realize there were things worth risking his safety and solitude for sometimes. My favorite parts were when he actually showed some courage and did something awesome. My absolute favorite part was [hidden spoiler can be found in my review on my blog or Goodreads].

– The book was easy to put down, and I think that was my main issue. I enjoyed it, and I happily continued the series, but it was a little slow, and I think it was the episodic nature that made it hard for me to get that “I have to know what happens next” feeling.

– I listened to the audiobook, and I’ll admit I’m not an audiobook fan, but it worked well for this book; the writing was in first person, and it was supposed to be entries in a memoir, so it actually felt like the character was just reading it out loud to me. And the narrator, Kirby Heyborne, did a good job with the dialogue/voices, making them all sound different and natural enough. In fact, I think having this read aloud to me gave the story more life than it would’ve had if I had read it myself.

Overall, this was a light, funny, sweet book that I enjoyed with a vampire who was not your typical vampire but who was all the more lovable for it!

Rating: 3.5 Stars

Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight (link in profile)

6 people found this helpful

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CRA725

Unexpectantly Enjoyable

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 5, 2023

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The title holds your attention the first few pages. Who ever heard of a scaredy cat vampire? His 'humanity' continued to shine through, as he slowly gathers a group of friends; and a love interest. Take the chance, you won't regret it!

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T.W. Barton

Wereponies, nuf said

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 28, 2016

Verified Purchase

I saw this book on my FB feed, recommend By Rick Gualtieri who has probably one of the funniest Vampire series I've had the pleasure to read called Bill the Vampire. As I respect his writing I decided that taking a risk on this new author was probably a safe bet.

I'm not sure how to even begin to explain this book. The first thing that struck me was the title. It's the longest title for a book that I have read and I read a lot of books but it stood out in its oddity, I mean most book titles are short and to the point. The next thing that struck me was the words of the title. If I took them at face value I was in for an "Uninteresting and Unadventurous" read.

Let me assure you that I was not uninterested and it certainly was not unadventurous although, Fred would maybe best be described as a wet paper towel at the beginning of the story who would fold like a cheap suit at even a loud unexpected noise. As a vampire, you would think that his life would have changed and he would be one of those mythical badasses but you'd be wrong, well about the badass part anyway, as his life most certainly changed in the most unexpected ways.

Now knowing that the lead character is an accountant, a group not really known for their badassery, and given that he has an aggressive streak about as strong as a Kola bear, you may be thinking, why would I read this book? and that's a fair point. Because it's the other characters that come into Fred's life unbidden and seemingly at some of the most terrifying times, that make this a very interesting read.

I have read a lot of paranormal and fantasy books and I can tell you I have never, let me say that again, never, read about wereponies. If that one word alone doesn't have you ready to push the "Buy" button then maybe you should just keep looking as this may not be the book for you.

I admit that as the book went I was expecting (hoping more like it) that Freddie would somehow break out of his naturally ingrained instinct to run and hide like a cockroach caught out when the lights suddenly come on and it wasn't until a character said later in the book that "Fred was one of those people that somehow manages to pull through when the chips are down, even despite himself" that I started to appreciate his character.

The only thing I will say is that the biggest hesitation for buying this book was the price, now I know that six bucks isn't bad but I'm cheap and read a lot of books so price is a huge thing for me especially on an unknown author and the ONLY reason I did decide to give it a shot was because of who recommended it. There are very few books I will spend over four bucks for but at the end of the day, I really enjoyed it and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm insanely curious as to the future adventures of Freddie and his band of misfits.

52 people found this helpful

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Melissa Roule

Not all accountants are boring

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 1, 2022

Verified Purchase

Trigger Warning – blood, violence, general gore

So often when I read a book with a vampire as the main character, the vampire in question always comes across as someone cool and aloof. A badass that follows their own rules and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. Someone who is always ready to kick ass and take names.

Fred – short for Frederick Frankford Fletcher (yes really!) – is none of those things. He’s not even close. And that is what makes him great.

In The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, The Vampire Accountant, Hayes has taken a well-known (and often overused) character idea and turned it on its ear. Fred doesn’t suddenly become a super cool guy when he’s turned, he remains his original sweater vest-wearing geeky self. He is aware of the person he comes across as and uses that to his advantage.

The Utterly Uninteresting… is actually five mini-stories in one book. Each chapter is one of Fred’s adventures, introducing us not to just Fred but the friends and colleagues he gains along the way. As the book goes on, we see Fred grow as a person and as a vampire in ways that are not only amusing but satisfying as well.

This is a wonderfully light story despite the seemingly dark subject matter. It’s fun and funny and was an overall enjoyable read. I definitely recommend Fred The Vampire Accountant to my readers. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

avid reader

Brilliant! You are what you are

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on August 20, 2015

Verified Purchase

Brilliant! You are what you are. OK, we continue to grow and evolve and life experiences can change us and help us to develop but if you're a boring, socially inadequate obsessive compulsive accountant, that's what you are. Getting bitten by a vampire and becoming one yourself doesn't change that, you are still a boring, socially inadequate obsessive compulsive accountant deep down inside. Count Dracula might be a suave, sophisticated, super smooth seducer with a very commanding presence but he was born and raised as a Count, back in the days when that was tantamount to being an incarnation of God, with absolute power of life and death over those he ruled, it comes naturally to him. As it does to many others in the society of paranormal beings that Freddy is now forced to be part of. Obsessive Compulsive people always have a problem with change anyway and being socially phobic to begin with doesn't help with the profound changes he has to adjust to as he discovers that being undead isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

5 people found this helpful

dinger

The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous tales of Fred the Vampire Accountant

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on February 25, 2015

Verified Purchase

I am very choosy with my books and having a vast selection of e books, it is difficult to pick what is good. I went out on a limb with this one as the reviews were good. I wasn`t disappointed. There are parts of the book where at the beginning of the chapter the author repeats the last events, but once you get through that i realy enjoyed the story. It was very descriptive and very imaginative, if you like programmes like Fringe on the TV you will enjoy this. The characters were developed and i liked them. I am going to look up more works by the author hoping to get the same result. I read it on my kindle very quickly as i was drawn into the plots and kept thinking about it when watching mundane tv programmes with my family, taking an early night so i could read on lol. I do enjoy a book with humour.

One person found this helpful

Kindle Customer

A fun romp through the world of the supernatural with a ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 12, 2015

Verified Purchase

A fun romp through the world of the supernatural with a reluctant hero of a vampire. Fred's an accountant through and through to begin with, even in the way he conducts his un-life, but circumstances and the accrual of an unusual group of friends begin to change all that. I liked this book - more a series of episodes, like a TV series with an arc, than a beginning-middle-end novel, not remotely deep, but written with a kind of insouciant enjoyment that makes it easy and fun to read. There are also some moments of such pure comedy that I laughed out loud. I like Fred, I like the world Drew Hayes is constructing - probably enough to read book 2. The only major note of discontent is for the copy-editor, who needs to be fired for doing a thoroughly shoddy job.

3 people found this helpful

Aspidistra

Fred the reluctant vampire

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on October 23, 2017

Verified Purchase

These are the tales of Fred the reluctant vampire, who finds that undeath has a way of catapaulting even the most unassuming accountant towards violence and mayhem, and an entirely different social life. It's an undemanding read which approaches the conventions of the vampire genre with plenty of sarcastic humour and a few original twists as Fred finds himself dragged from his safe, humdrum life into a world of supernatural monster hunting. It's not great literature but it kept me smiling.

2 people found this helpful

Mrs. H.

A different take on vampires - funny and interesting

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 8, 2015

Verified Purchase

I 'buy' quite a few free Kindle books, to try to find new authors to read. This was one of them. It sounded interesting and the reviews were pretty good. I liked it from the first page. The storyline is interesting and funny and seems well thought-out. I especially like the style of language the author uses; sentences that are well-constructed and correct tenses and grammar! So many of the free books seem to have been written by people whose command of written English really isn't very good.
I've just bought the next book with these characters, so I hope it's as good!

See all reviews

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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

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