I read this book after leaving my husband (and about 6 months after reading Patricia's first book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship). I found both books incredibly helpful in their own way - the first book in explaining the different types of things covert verbal abusers do (many of my x-husband's behaviors upset me but it wasn't until I read that book that I finally really saw the overall pattern and fully understood how soul destroying his abuse was). She also explains the behaviors of overt verbal abusers (what most people have come to associate with the words 'verbal abuse' - name calling, yelling, threatening, etc.).
That information gave me the insight I needed to leave my marriage. What I personally couldn't understand from the first book, however, was Patricia's explanation as to why abusers do what they do and what my relationship with my husband was really about. This newer book explained that so clearly I cried for days. I found that it was essential knowledge for me in being able to let go. After all of her years of counseling both abusers and the abused, Patricia seems to really understand the thoughts and emotions behind abusive behavior. After reading this book I came away feeling more empathy for, but also more detachment from, my x-husband. It also gave me valuable insight into how damaging the relationship had really been for me.
Personally, I would recommend first reading the The Verbally Abusive Relationship before reading this book as I think it provides important background information for this book. One thing I found interesting is that in the first book Patricia listed out 16 traits she commonly found in verbally abused women. In this book she listed one - that the victim feels "irreparably flawed." I thought that was a perfect description of how I had come to feel and her book explained why I felt that way about myself. The other insight I found extremely helpful is that she doesn't recommend couple's counseling - she has found that the abusers end up manipulating the counselor into blaming the victim and it ends up empowering the abuser. After reading her explanation, I couldn't agree more.
This book provides wonderful advice for how an abuser can recover IF (the big if) they want to. Mostly however I think this is valuable for verbally abused women to better understand what is really behind the abuse and what their relationship is really about.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Learn more
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
![The Verbally Abusive Man - Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by [Patricia Evans]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51G5WNNQ6QL._SY346_.jpg)
Follow the Author
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
| Price | New from | Used from |
|
Audible Audiobook, Unabridged
"Please retry" |
$0.00
| Free with your Audible trial | |
|
Audio CD, Audiobook, CD, Unabridged
"Please retry" | $8.45 | — |
- Read with Kindle Unlimited to also enjoy access to over 3 million more titles
-
Audiobook
$0.00 - 73 Used from $1.49 17 New from $9.26
- 7 New from $8.45
Customers who viewed this item also viewed
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Top reviews from other countries
helent
I wish I'd read this book years ago
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on October 14, 2014Eine Kundin
Auch für Männer interessant ...
Reviewed in Germany 🇩🇪 on January 12, 2015
