The Way Men Heal Paperback – September 1, 2014
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About the Author
- Item Weight : 3.2 ounces
- Paperback : 58 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0965464946
- ISBN-13 : 978-0965464949
- Publisher : G H Publishing, LLC (September 1, 2014)
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.14 x 8.5 inches
- Language: : English
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I am so glad I knew of his work before my own father died since it got me to spend more time with my dad even when it was hard to see his body and mind go downhill before his death. It helped me when I, as an only child, was making all the arrangements after his death and helped me during his funeral. This book is meant for therapists but the vast majority of the contents are helpful to everyone. I hope he will write a version just for men and women but this is well worth reading now and I am sure he would include part of it in that book.
Women always seem to wonder why "he does not seem to care" about a loss or "why is he acting that way over his Fathers death." This little book offers a window into helping both men and women in understanding that. Men tend to wonder why women seem to expect them to respond to loss in an interactive mode which is more the traditional path for women and often therapies. This is addressed.
This book brings understanding to what in my mind, many therapists were never taught and will love to learn.
Author of: Finding Our Fire - Enhancing men's connection to heart, passion and strength - Finding Our Fire - Enhancing men's connection to heart, passion and strength
The author suggests there are three categories of active grieving: creative action, practical action and thinking action. I appreciated how he structured the book, making it easy for me learn the theory and then translate that theory to understand the practical. The real-life examples and the concepts in Chapter 4, "Tips for Helping the Men You Love". were especially valuable.
I'll be referring back to this book many times, I'm sure. (and I've already suggested this book to someone else as a good resource)
Top reviews from other countries
Golden begins by introducing the masculine side of healing which involves "action", and describes how this differs from the feminine mode which involves "talking" or openly expressing grief. While men generally tend to use the masculine mode when dealing with pain, Golden is keen to stress that people cannot simply be pigeon-holed according to their sex -- both men and women can use both modes. However, as Golden explains, much of psychiatry is based around "talking about emotions" and, in effect, focuses solely on the feminine mode of healing while ignoring the masculine mode.
Golden goes on to discuss the reasons behind this difference, including how men's suffering is invisible and taboo in our culture, and how they can often face prejudice in their grief. If you can't picture how this can be so, he gives the following example:
"Imagine you are being seated in your favourite restaurant. As you are walking toward your table you see a woman at a corner table crying with her head in her hands. What is your first reaction? I have asked this question to thousands of people in the workshops I give. The most frequent response is "She's upset," "Poor dear," "She needs support." Think of what your own response was. Think too of your raw gut reaction to seeing this woman crying. Now erase that image start a new image. You are walking in the same restaurant and as you are seated you see a man at the same corner table who is crying. What is your first reaction? Most people respond that they are very leery of him: "There's something wrong with that man," "He must be drunk" or other phrases conveying the sense that this man needs to be avoided."
Golden describes how, instead, men deal with their pain privately -- usually by doing something rather than by open expression. Typically, this will take the form of practical or creative action, such making a pilgrimage of some kind, dedicating a memorial or a piece of work, or simply listening to music which holds some special meaning. In the final chapters, he discusses how best to help men deal with their pain and provides suggestions for therapists.
In my view, The Way Men Heal is an important work because it is one of the very few texts which discusses how the male half of the human race typically handle their emotions. It underscores the fact that men are human beings with human emotions, and simply because society not allow men to display their emotions in the same way as women, it cannot be assumed that men don't feel pain or are in anyway less human. If nothing else, it provides practical guidance on how to help a male friend deal with his emotional pain and an insight to what he is feeling.
It illuminates the understanding the men have other ways of healing that talking about their problems, which is typically expected of them now that society has become more open about feelings. People need to create a space where men feel safe to talk about their feelings when they need to, but also respects and facilitate that they may want to heal in other ways that are more solitary or ritualistic: whether it's playing music, writing a book, visiting somewhere as a pilgrimage, playing ball in their honour.
Since this book can be read in an hour or so everyone can afford to read it and gain insight.