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We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis Paperback – August 13, 2019

4.8 out of 5 stars 226 ratings

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From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s church. Bravo, Mary!”
Boz Tchividjian, attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE



“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”
Wade Burleson, author, historian, pastor



“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”
Glenn R. Kreider, professor of theological studies, Dallas Theological Seminary



“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”
Eric Schumacher, pastor, author, and songwriter



“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”
Diane Langberg, Ph.D., psychologist



We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”
Jen Pollock Michel, author of Surprised by Paradox



“Mary Demuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”
Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird, academic dean, Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia



“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”
Dr. Sandra Glahn, professor and coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Review

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s church. Bravo, Mary!”
Boz Tchividjian, attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”
Wade Burleson, author, historian, pastor

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”
Glenn R. Kreider, professor of theological studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“Mary Demuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”
Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird, academic dean, Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”
Jen Pollock Michel, author of Surprised by Paradox

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”
Eric Schumacher, pastor, author, and songwriter

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”
Dr. Sandra Glahn, professor and coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”
Diane Langberg, Ph.D., psychologist

“Pastors, one of the most important and healing things we can do for survivors is listen. Mary has given us an excellent opportunity to begin listening in a form we are familiar with—reading a book. If we read biographies of other great saints (and we should), then let us read biographies of those who have faced one the great tragedies of our day—sexual abuse—and maintained a great love for God, the gospel, and the church. Allow reading Mary’s book to be a first step toward listening well to survivors in your church who need you to be the ears of Christ.”
Brad Hambrick, pastor of counseling at The Summit Church (Durham, NC)

“This book is a balm to the soul and a resource for the church at large. It is intelligently and discerningly written and initiates a healthy conversation over real and pertinent issues surrounding abuse within the church. #metoo”
Vonda Dyer, CCO Minerva Consulting, worship leader, survivor, advocate

“Mary DeMuth speaks a powerful and prophetic word that is timely and necessary. She courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden many others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister.”
Rebecca Carrell, speaker, author of Holy Jellybeans and Holy Hiking Boots

“In We Too, Mary DeMuth offers a prophetic and winsome call to the church to not repeat the mistakes of the past. She courageously shares her own story and writes as someone who loves the church and is committed to its redemptive mission. We must do better as a church, and Mary helps point the way forward. A must read!”
Aaron Graham, lead pastor, The District Church

“Mary Demuth’s personal story, astute theological applications, and trauma awareness bring clarity to the passivity of the church towards countless men and women bearing the scars of sexual abuse. We Too is painfully necessary and yet filled with the hope of restoration for each person, family, and church affected by sexual abuse.”
Brian Haynes, author and lead pastor, Bay Area Church (League City, Texas)

“Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond.”
Susan Seay, author, speaker, and host of the Mentor 4 Moms podcast

We Too is a remarkable and compelling book. Mary DeMuth prophetically calls the church to enter the silence and denial surrounding sexual abuse that has inflicted the body of Christ like a deadly virus. Victims of abuse, their family and friends, and those who shepherd the flock of God will find immense hope and clarity in how we are to find healing for individuals and a restoration of integrity for the church. There could not be a more perfect book for this time.”
Dan B. Allender, Ph.D., author, founding president of the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology

“Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society. It’s an authentic conversation about where we’ve been, the challenges we face today, and the hope of healing waiting in our tomorrow. Hers is a brave, open, and necessary addition to the conversation of sexual wholeness in God’s church.”
Antwuan Malone, pastor and executive director of ELEVATE YA

“For too long the church has valued its reputation and the reputation of the accused over the safety and healing of the victim. DeMuth wisely shepherds the church toward a true biblical narrative demonstrating God’s care and his justice for the oppressed. We Too is a must read for every pastor, ministry leader, and Christian counselor.”
Leslie Vernick, counselor, speaker, and bestselling author

“Mary DeMuth brings wisdom to a difficult topic. She addresses the challenges faced by all the groups that can be impacted by a single act of abuse, while offering insightful yet simple recommendations to ensure things are handled appropriately.”
Ruth Thorogood, Evangelical Fellowship of Canada Partner

“Carefully weaving the teachings of Scripture with her own story and the stories of others who have suffered sexual abuse, Mary DeMuth delivers a powerful wake-up call to the church she loves. Filled with biblical wisdom, factual evidence, and practical principles, We Too is an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about those who have been broken by sexual sin.”
Bob Rognlien, author of A Jesus-Shaped Life

“Mary DeMuth has a message that the church needs to hear. We Too is a transparent, thoughtful, raw, and honest account of a problem in the church that no one wants to talk about. But we must. We Too deserves to be widely read by women and men, leaders and laity. Don’t miss it.”
Kim Jones, director of engagement, My Refuge House

We Too is a prophetic call to embody Christ’s healing, love, and justice for those oppressed by the powerful. It will take strength to walk humbly and courage to look at the mess. We can let go of the 30-second conversion narratives and instead sit with those bleeding in our pews. We can be the Good Samaritans again. Mary DeMuth boldly shows us the way.”
Terri Fullerton, writer

“I’m grateful to God that Mary DeMuth’s journey, resilience, compassion, wisdom, and leadership have been shared in these words—words clearly written with a deep love for the hurting and with an undying hope for the church. We Too is a significant contribution to a church and society in need of healing, change, and a safer future.”
Wade Mullen, director, Master of Divinity program, Capital Seminary & Graduate School

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harvest House Publishers (August 13, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0736979182
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0736979184
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.4 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 out of 5 stars 226 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
226 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 10, 2019
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5.0 out of 5 stars So needed! So much to glean!
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 10, 2019
“Walking with the wounded rarely fits into a program.” ~ Mary DeMuth

In her newest book, We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth states: “My hope in writing this book is to slowly change the dynamic of trust by encouraging the church to become a consistent place full of kindness and safety for those who have been exploited.”

“We forget that the church is meant to be the actual body of Christ. We are the hands and feet that represent Jesus Christ to a broken, sin-entrenched world. We are his ambassadors of healing love…”

We Too, has been written from a heart of deep love for the church and a desire to see it become ALL Jesus calls it to be. Mary confronts and challenges the church to be a “safe place,” not only for the wounded and downtrodden, but also for the sexually abused. A trustworthy place where they can be heard, share their stories, receive acceptance and comfort, experiencing Jesus’ unconditional, nonjudgmental love. A reliable place where the body of Christ comes alongside the sexually abused as a vital part of their healing journey.

Once again, Mary has written a book with complete frankness, vulnerability and biblical truth. She shares from her gut her own personal experiences of sexual abuse (trigger warning). Mary is “real” and someone the sexually abused survivor can relate to.

WHY are the wounded and sexually abused leaving the church? Mary shares:
“They are leaving because they are not being shepherded. They are leaving because their brokenness is treated with contempt, inconvenience, or dismissal. They are leaving because we have preferred protecting our reputations over listening to the cries of those who have been violated. They are leaving because they are not heard, valued, or welcomed. They are leaving because they feel utterly alone in their stories and because so few abuse stories are even hinted at on Sunday mornings.”

WHAT do the broken, victimized, and outcast need from the church? Mary writes:
“The flock of God needs shepherds who will inconvenience themselves for the sake of the outcast, the broken, and the victimized. We need leaders who will feed us, not profit from our silence. We need a church that is proactive rather than reactive. We need leaders imbued with kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need actions to back up words. We need honesty about what has happened, not cover-up. We need leaders who will ask the question, ‘Why have so many left the church?’ and then actively pursue them. We need shepherds who chase the wounded instead of chastising them.”

“Every sexual abuse recovery narrative is different. It’s shaped like the person who shoulders the story. Our best gift is to offer them space to forgive in their own sweet time, all through the gentle but compelling power of the Holy Spirit.”

In, We Too, Mary challenges the church, laying out specific ways they can care for and nurture the sexually abused and exemplify Jesus Christ:
“As faith communities…we can become open systems with nothing to hide. We can choose to believe the cry of the survivor over the protestations of abusers. We can provide safe places for abuse survivors to share their stories, through tears and shaking. We can offer counseling services, recovery programs, walk-alongside ministries, small group care, and genuine empathy. We can education ourselves about trauma and the awful aftereffects of rape, abuse, violence, and harassment. We can become openhearted havens that represent the best of Jesus, welcoming secrets while offering solace.”

“…we must put on the sandals of…the Good Shepherd, cross over to the places where people are broken, bind up their wounds, and empower them to heal…one broken heart at a time.”

As I read Mary’s book, it stirred up a lot of pain and sorrow for me concerning the church. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have struggled for years feeling out of place, alone, rejected, misunderstood, not heard, and wondering, “Where do I fit in?” Don’t get me wrong…I love the church and want to feel a part, and I continue to pray for them. But none of the typical church groups, studies, programs, have spoken to my personal needs, or lessened the deep agony in my soul. I want MORE. I want DEPTH.

“…a survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame, and fear for a lifetime…The church that represents Jesus Christ should be the safest and most restorative place on earth for those who have suffered any kind of abuse. But often, it is not. It is time for this to change – for all our sakes.” ~ Mary DeMuth

Is sexual abuse messy? Yes! It’s insidious and horrific - a topic we’d prefer to not discuss! But, something the church MUST begin to address. No more secrets! No more shame! No more living in darkness! If the church professes to “follow Jesus,” then NOW is the time to go DEEP, jump in and get messy! TODAY is the day to become ALL Jesus commands as HIS instrument of love and support.

For the CHURCH, We Too, is a must-read (and apply) for all pastors, church leadership, and Christian counselors. There is so much to glean in this book. Throughout, Mary has provided concrete ways in which you, the body of Christ, can come alongside the sexually abused and offer them hope and healing. In Part Three: Shaping What’s Next, she’s also included some specific, “Dos and Don’ts.” Church, you can no longer remain passive! It’s time to educate yourself, and We Too, will give you a better understanding of the horrific effects of sexual abuse, what the sexual abuse survivor needs FROM you, and as Jesus’ representatives, what you are called to be FOR them.

For the SEXUALLY ABUSED, We Too, won’t necessarily be an easy-read (trigger warning), but it will bless you. There were quite a few emotional ups and downs as I read it, and moments when I’d have to take a break. But, I discovered, and I pray you will, too, we are NOT alone, and there IS hope in Jesus. What I greatly appreciate in this book, is how Mary shows us Jesus…His love and compassion for the broken and outcast. The gentleness in which He interacted with the wounded and abused. The time He took, listening to those in need, never turning anyone away. As Mary shared, He “allowed for their voices to be heard.” Jesus wants your voice to be heard, too.

Thank you, Mary, for heeding God’s call to write, We Too.

You can follow Mary at #wetoo @marydemuth www.wetoo.org
Disclaimer: I received a free publisher’s advanced PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.
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Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 14, 2019
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Top reviews from other countries

Lesley
5.0 out of 5 stars Must-read for all in Christian leadership!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on August 14, 2019
One person found this helpful
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Wendy L. Macdonald
5.0 out of 5 stars Please, dear church, read this book and be part of the solution.
Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on December 21, 2020