“Walking with the wounded rarely fits into a program.” ~ Mary DeMuth
In her newest book, We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth states: “My hope in writing this book is to slowly change the dynamic of trust by encouraging the church to become a consistent place full of kindness and safety for those who have been exploited.”
“We forget that the church is meant to be the actual body of Christ. We are the hands and feet that represent Jesus Christ to a broken, sin-entrenched world. We are his ambassadors of healing love…”
We Too, has been written from a heart of deep love for the church and a desire to see it become ALL Jesus calls it to be. Mary confronts and challenges the church to be a “safe place,” not only for the wounded and downtrodden, but also for the sexually abused. A trustworthy place where they can be heard, share their stories, receive acceptance and comfort, experiencing Jesus’ unconditional, nonjudgmental love. A reliable place where the body of Christ comes alongside the sexually abused as a vital part of their healing journey.
Once again, Mary has written a book with complete frankness, vulnerability and biblical truth. She shares from her gut her own personal experiences of sexual abuse (trigger warning). Mary is “real” and someone the sexually abused survivor can relate to.
WHY are the wounded and sexually abused leaving the church? Mary shares:
“They are leaving because they are not being shepherded. They are leaving because their brokenness is treated with contempt, inconvenience, or dismissal. They are leaving because we have preferred protecting our reputations over listening to the cries of those who have been violated. They are leaving because they are not heard, valued, or welcomed. They are leaving because they feel utterly alone in their stories and because so few abuse stories are even hinted at on Sunday mornings.”
WHAT do the broken, victimized, and outcast need from the church? Mary writes:
“The flock of God needs shepherds who will inconvenience themselves for the sake of the outcast, the broken, and the victimized. We need leaders who will feed us, not profit from our silence. We need a church that is proactive rather than reactive. We need leaders imbued with kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need actions to back up words. We need honesty about what has happened, not cover-up. We need leaders who will ask the question, ‘Why have so many left the church?’ and then actively pursue them. We need shepherds who chase the wounded instead of chastising them.”
“Every sexual abuse recovery narrative is different. It’s shaped like the person who shoulders the story. Our best gift is to offer them space to forgive in their own sweet time, all through the gentle but compelling power of the Holy Spirit.”
In, We Too, Mary challenges the church, laying out specific ways they can care for and nurture the sexually abused and exemplify Jesus Christ:
“As faith communities…we can become open systems with nothing to hide. We can choose to believe the cry of the survivor over the protestations of abusers. We can provide safe places for abuse survivors to share their stories, through tears and shaking. We can offer counseling services, recovery programs, walk-alongside ministries, small group care, and genuine empathy. We can education ourselves about trauma and the awful aftereffects of rape, abuse, violence, and harassment. We can become openhearted havens that represent the best of Jesus, welcoming secrets while offering solace.”
“…we must put on the sandals of…the Good Shepherd, cross over to the places where people are broken, bind up their wounds, and empower them to heal…one broken heart at a time.”
As I read Mary’s book, it stirred up a lot of pain and sorrow for me concerning the church. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have struggled for years feeling out of place, alone, rejected, misunderstood, not heard, and wondering, “Where do I fit in?” Don’t get me wrong…I love the church and want to feel a part, and I continue to pray for them. But none of the typical church groups, studies, programs, have spoken to my personal needs, or lessened the deep agony in my soul. I want MORE. I want DEPTH.
“…a survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame, and fear for a lifetime…The church that represents Jesus Christ should be the safest and most restorative place on earth for those who have suffered any kind of abuse. But often, it is not. It is time for this to change – for all our sakes.” ~ Mary DeMuth
Is sexual abuse messy? Yes! It’s insidious and horrific - a topic we’d prefer to not discuss! But, something the church MUST begin to address. No more secrets! No more shame! No more living in darkness! If the church professes to “follow Jesus,” then NOW is the time to go DEEP, jump in and get messy! TODAY is the day to become ALL Jesus commands as HIS instrument of love and support.
For the CHURCH, We Too, is a must-read (and apply) for all pastors, church leadership, and Christian counselors. There is so much to glean in this book. Throughout, Mary has provided concrete ways in which you, the body of Christ, can come alongside the sexually abused and offer them hope and healing. In Part Three: Shaping What’s Next, she’s also included some specific, “Dos and Don’ts.” Church, you can no longer remain passive! It’s time to educate yourself, and We Too, will give you a better understanding of the horrific effects of sexual abuse, what the sexual abuse survivor needs FROM you, and as Jesus’ representatives, what you are called to be FOR them.
For the SEXUALLY ABUSED, We Too, won’t necessarily be an easy-read (trigger warning), but it will bless you. There were quite a few emotional ups and downs as I read it, and moments when I’d have to take a break. But, I discovered, and I pray you will, too, we are NOT alone, and there IS hope in Jesus. What I greatly appreciate in this book, is how Mary shows us Jesus…His love and compassion for the broken and outcast. The gentleness in which He interacted with the wounded and abused. The time He took, listening to those in need, never turning anyone away. As Mary shared, He “allowed for their voices to be heard.” Jesus wants your voice to be heard, too.
Thank you, Mary, for heeding God’s call to write, We Too.
You can follow Mary at #wetoo @marydemuth www.wetoo.org
Disclaimer: I received a free publisher’s advanced PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.
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From the Publisher
Why Write this Book?
"We all know someone affected by sexual abuse. Sadly, the secular media has shown more compassion than the church toward sexual abuse survivors. There is a holy reckoning unfolding before us in the church. People are fed up with secrecy, covering up, and the sheer proliferation of abuse—both inside and outside the church.
"It’s time for the church to become what it should be: a place of security, not shame; humility, not pride. By standing with survivors of sexual abuse, we can build a community of kindness and restoration—a place where God’s people are healed and made whole."
-Mary DeMuth
Author, Activist, and Survivor
About Mary DeMuth
Mary DeMuth’s testimony is that of Jesus’s ability to transform a broken life. A child of three divorces and survivor of childhood sexual assault, Mary wanted to end her life as a teenager. But when she heard about Jesus, she knew she wanted to chase after Him for the rest of her life. Thankfully, He chased her.
Mary is the author of forty books, and she has appeared on CNN, spoken for the Southern Baptist Convention, and been featured in The Washington Post. She hosts a weekly podcast, and frequently speaks and teaches around the world. Mary is an advocate, author, and activist. Most of all, she loves Jesus and His Church, and is passionate about sharing God's ability to transform broken pieces into beauty.
What People are Saying...
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J.D. GreearPresident of the Southern Baptist Convention “Timely and necessary...This book is not only a warning. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to live out the gospel we so passionately proclaim. And it starts with listening.” |
Rebecca CarrellSpeaker, Radio Personality, Author of Holy Hiking Boots "Mary courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister." |
Antwuan MalonePastor and Executive Director of ELEVATE YA "Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society." |
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Susan SeayAuthor, Speaker, and Host of the Mentor 4 Moms Podcast "Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond." |
Jen Pollock MichelAuthor of Surprised by Paradox “We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence…this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.” |
Boz TchividjianAttorney, Law Professor, Founder and Executive Director of GRACE "My dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today's church." |
“Walking with the wounded rarely fits into a program.” ~ Mary DeMuthIn her newest book, We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth states: “My hope in writing this book is to slowly change the dynamic of trust by encouraging the church to become a consistent place full of kindness and safety for those who have been exploited.”“We forget that the church is meant to be the actual body of Christ. We are the hands and feet that represent Jesus Christ to a broken, sin-entrenched world. We are his ambassadors of healing love…”We Too, has been written from a heart of deep love for the church and a desire to see it become ALL Jesus calls it to be. Mary confronts and challenges the church to be a “safe place,” not only for the wounded and downtrodden, but also for the sexually abused. A trustworthy place where they can be heard, share their stories, receive acceptance and comfort, experiencing Jesus’ unconditional, nonjudgmental love. A reliable place where the body of Christ comes alongside the sexually abused as a vital part of their healing journey.Once again, Mary has written a book with complete frankness, vulnerability and biblical truth. She shares from her gut her own personal experiences of sexual abuse (trigger warning). Mary is “real” and someone the sexually abused survivor can relate to.WHY are the wounded and sexually abused leaving the church? Mary shares:“They are leaving because they are not being shepherded. They are leaving because their brokenness is treated with contempt, inconvenience, or dismissal. They are leaving because we have preferred protecting our reputations over listening to the cries of those who have been violated. They are leaving because they are not heard, valued, or welcomed. They are leaving because they feel utterly alone in their stories and because so few abuse stories are even hinted at on Sunday mornings.”WHAT do the broken, victimized, and outcast need from the church? Mary writes:“The flock of God needs shepherds who will inconvenience themselves for the sake of the outcast, the broken, and the victimized. We need leaders who will feed us, not profit from our silence. We need a church that is proactive rather than reactive. We need leaders imbued with kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need actions to back up words. We need honesty about what has happened, not cover-up. We need leaders who will ask the question, ‘Why have so many left the church?’ and then actively pursue them. We need shepherds who chase the wounded instead of chastising them.”“Every sexual abuse recovery narrative is different. It’s shaped like the person who shoulders the story. Our best gift is to offer them space to forgive in their own sweet time, all through the gentle but compelling power of the Holy Spirit.”In, We Too, Mary challenges the church, laying out specific ways they can care for and nurture the sexually abused and exemplify Jesus Christ:“As faith communities…we can become open systems with nothing to hide. We can choose to believe the cry of the survivor over the protestations of abusers. We can provide safe places for abuse survivors to share their stories, through tears and shaking. We can offer counseling services, recovery programs, walk-alongside ministries, small group care, and genuine empathy. We can education ourselves about trauma and the awful aftereffects of rape, abuse, violence, and harassment. We can become openhearted havens that represent the best of Jesus, welcoming secrets while offering solace.”“…we must put on the sandals of…the Good Shepherd, cross over to the places where people are broken, bind up their wounds, and empower them to heal…one broken heart at a time.”As I read Mary’s book, it stirred up a lot of pain and sorrow for me concerning the church. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have struggled for years feeling out of place, alone, rejected, misunderstood, not heard, and wondering, “Where do I fit in?” Don’t get me wrong…I love the church and want to feel a part, and I continue to pray for them. But none of the typical church groups, studies, programs, have spoken to my personal needs, or lessened the deep agony in my soul. I want MORE. I want DEPTH.“…a survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame, and fear for a lifetime…The church that represents Jesus Christ should be the safest and most restorative place on earth for those who have suffered any kind of abuse. But often, it is not. It is time for this to change – for all our sakes.” ~ Mary DeMuthIs sexual abuse messy? Yes! It’s insidious and horrific - a topic we’d prefer to not discuss! But, something the church MUST begin to address. No more secrets! No more shame! No more living in darkness! If the church professes to “follow Jesus,” then NOW is the time to go DEEP, jump in and get messy! TODAY is the day to become ALL Jesus commands as HIS instrument of love and support.For the CHURCH, We Too, is a must-read (and apply) for all pastors, church leadership, and Christian counselors. There is so much to glean in this book. Throughout, Mary has provided concrete ways in which you, the body of Christ, can come alongside the sexually abused and offer them hope and healing. In Part Three: Shaping What’s Next, she’s also included some specific, “Dos and Don’ts.” Church, you can no longer remain passive! It’s time to educate yourself, and We Too, will give you a better understanding of the horrific effects of sexual abuse, what the sexual abuse survivor needs FROM you, and as Jesus’ representatives, what you are called to be FOR them.For the SEXUALLY ABUSED, We Too, won’t necessarily be an easy-read (trigger warning), but it will bless you. There were quite a few emotional ups and downs as I read it, and moments when I’d have to take a break. But, I discovered, and I pray you will, too, we are NOT alone, and there IS hope in Jesus. What I greatly appreciate in this book, is how Mary shows us Jesus…His love and compassion for the broken and outcast. The gentleness in which He interacted with the wounded and abused. The time He took, listening to those in need, never turning anyone away. As Mary shared, He “allowed for their voices to be heard.” Jesus wants your voice to be heard, too.Thank you, Mary, for heeding God’s call to write, We Too.You can follow Mary at #wetoo @marydemuth www.wetoo.orgDisclaimer: I received a free publisher’s advanced PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.
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Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 10, 2019
“Walking with the wounded rarely fits into a program.” ~ Mary DeMuth
In her newest book, We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth states: “My hope in writing this book is to slowly change the dynamic of trust by encouraging the church to become a consistent place full of kindness and safety for those who have been exploited.”
“We forget that the church is meant to be the actual body of Christ. We are the hands and feet that represent Jesus Christ to a broken, sin-entrenched world. We are his ambassadors of healing love…”
We Too, has been written from a heart of deep love for the church and a desire to see it become ALL Jesus calls it to be. Mary confronts and challenges the church to be a “safe place,” not only for the wounded and downtrodden, but also for the sexually abused. A trustworthy place where they can be heard, share their stories, receive acceptance and comfort, experiencing Jesus’ unconditional, nonjudgmental love. A reliable place where the body of Christ comes alongside the sexually abused as a vital part of their healing journey.
Once again, Mary has written a book with complete frankness, vulnerability and biblical truth. She shares from her gut her own personal experiences of sexual abuse (trigger warning). Mary is “real” and someone the sexually abused survivor can relate to.
WHY are the wounded and sexually abused leaving the church? Mary shares:
“They are leaving because they are not being shepherded. They are leaving because their brokenness is treated with contempt, inconvenience, or dismissal. They are leaving because we have preferred protecting our reputations over listening to the cries of those who have been violated. They are leaving because they are not heard, valued, or welcomed. They are leaving because they feel utterly alone in their stories and because so few abuse stories are even hinted at on Sunday mornings.”
WHAT do the broken, victimized, and outcast need from the church? Mary writes:
“The flock of God needs shepherds who will inconvenience themselves for the sake of the outcast, the broken, and the victimized. We need leaders who will feed us, not profit from our silence. We need a church that is proactive rather than reactive. We need leaders imbued with kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need actions to back up words. We need honesty about what has happened, not cover-up. We need leaders who will ask the question, ‘Why have so many left the church?’ and then actively pursue them. We need shepherds who chase the wounded instead of chastising them.”
“Every sexual abuse recovery narrative is different. It’s shaped like the person who shoulders the story. Our best gift is to offer them space to forgive in their own sweet time, all through the gentle but compelling power of the Holy Spirit.”
In, We Too, Mary challenges the church, laying out specific ways they can care for and nurture the sexually abused and exemplify Jesus Christ:
“As faith communities…we can become open systems with nothing to hide. We can choose to believe the cry of the survivor over the protestations of abusers. We can provide safe places for abuse survivors to share their stories, through tears and shaking. We can offer counseling services, recovery programs, walk-alongside ministries, small group care, and genuine empathy. We can education ourselves about trauma and the awful aftereffects of rape, abuse, violence, and harassment. We can become openhearted havens that represent the best of Jesus, welcoming secrets while offering solace.”
“…we must put on the sandals of…the Good Shepherd, cross over to the places where people are broken, bind up their wounds, and empower them to heal…one broken heart at a time.”
As I read Mary’s book, it stirred up a lot of pain and sorrow for me concerning the church. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have struggled for years feeling out of place, alone, rejected, misunderstood, not heard, and wondering, “Where do I fit in?” Don’t get me wrong…I love the church and want to feel a part, and I continue to pray for them. But none of the typical church groups, studies, programs, have spoken to my personal needs, or lessened the deep agony in my soul. I want MORE. I want DEPTH.
“…a survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame, and fear for a lifetime…The church that represents Jesus Christ should be the safest and most restorative place on earth for those who have suffered any kind of abuse. But often, it is not. It is time for this to change – for all our sakes.” ~ Mary DeMuth
Is sexual abuse messy? Yes! It’s insidious and horrific - a topic we’d prefer to not discuss! But, something the church MUST begin to address. No more secrets! No more shame! No more living in darkness! If the church professes to “follow Jesus,” then NOW is the time to go DEEP, jump in and get messy! TODAY is the day to become ALL Jesus commands as HIS instrument of love and support.
For the CHURCH, We Too, is a must-read (and apply) for all pastors, church leadership, and Christian counselors. There is so much to glean in this book. Throughout, Mary has provided concrete ways in which you, the body of Christ, can come alongside the sexually abused and offer them hope and healing. In Part Three: Shaping What’s Next, she’s also included some specific, “Dos and Don’ts.” Church, you can no longer remain passive! It’s time to educate yourself, and We Too, will give you a better understanding of the horrific effects of sexual abuse, what the sexual abuse survivor needs FROM you, and as Jesus’ representatives, what you are called to be FOR them.
For the SEXUALLY ABUSED, We Too, won’t necessarily be an easy-read (trigger warning), but it will bless you. There were quite a few emotional ups and downs as I read it, and moments when I’d have to take a break. But, I discovered, and I pray you will, too, we are NOT alone, and there IS hope in Jesus. What I greatly appreciate in this book, is how Mary shows us Jesus…His love and compassion for the broken and outcast. The gentleness in which He interacted with the wounded and abused. The time He took, listening to those in need, never turning anyone away. As Mary shared, He “allowed for their voices to be heard.” Jesus wants your voice to be heard, too.
Thank you, Mary, for heeding God’s call to write, We Too.
You can follow Mary at #wetoo @marydemuth www.wetoo.org
Disclaimer: I received a free publisher’s advanced PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.
In her newest book, We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis, Mary DeMuth states: “My hope in writing this book is to slowly change the dynamic of trust by encouraging the church to become a consistent place full of kindness and safety for those who have been exploited.”
“We forget that the church is meant to be the actual body of Christ. We are the hands and feet that represent Jesus Christ to a broken, sin-entrenched world. We are his ambassadors of healing love…”
We Too, has been written from a heart of deep love for the church and a desire to see it become ALL Jesus calls it to be. Mary confronts and challenges the church to be a “safe place,” not only for the wounded and downtrodden, but also for the sexually abused. A trustworthy place where they can be heard, share their stories, receive acceptance and comfort, experiencing Jesus’ unconditional, nonjudgmental love. A reliable place where the body of Christ comes alongside the sexually abused as a vital part of their healing journey.
Once again, Mary has written a book with complete frankness, vulnerability and biblical truth. She shares from her gut her own personal experiences of sexual abuse (trigger warning). Mary is “real” and someone the sexually abused survivor can relate to.
WHY are the wounded and sexually abused leaving the church? Mary shares:
“They are leaving because they are not being shepherded. They are leaving because their brokenness is treated with contempt, inconvenience, or dismissal. They are leaving because we have preferred protecting our reputations over listening to the cries of those who have been violated. They are leaving because they are not heard, valued, or welcomed. They are leaving because they feel utterly alone in their stories and because so few abuse stories are even hinted at on Sunday mornings.”
WHAT do the broken, victimized, and outcast need from the church? Mary writes:
“The flock of God needs shepherds who will inconvenience themselves for the sake of the outcast, the broken, and the victimized. We need leaders who will feed us, not profit from our silence. We need a church that is proactive rather than reactive. We need leaders imbued with kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need actions to back up words. We need honesty about what has happened, not cover-up. We need leaders who will ask the question, ‘Why have so many left the church?’ and then actively pursue them. We need shepherds who chase the wounded instead of chastising them.”
“Every sexual abuse recovery narrative is different. It’s shaped like the person who shoulders the story. Our best gift is to offer them space to forgive in their own sweet time, all through the gentle but compelling power of the Holy Spirit.”
In, We Too, Mary challenges the church, laying out specific ways they can care for and nurture the sexually abused and exemplify Jesus Christ:
“As faith communities…we can become open systems with nothing to hide. We can choose to believe the cry of the survivor over the protestations of abusers. We can provide safe places for abuse survivors to share their stories, through tears and shaking. We can offer counseling services, recovery programs, walk-alongside ministries, small group care, and genuine empathy. We can education ourselves about trauma and the awful aftereffects of rape, abuse, violence, and harassment. We can become openhearted havens that represent the best of Jesus, welcoming secrets while offering solace.”
“…we must put on the sandals of…the Good Shepherd, cross over to the places where people are broken, bind up their wounds, and empower them to heal…one broken heart at a time.”
As I read Mary’s book, it stirred up a lot of pain and sorrow for me concerning the church. As a sexual abuse survivor, I have struggled for years feeling out of place, alone, rejected, misunderstood, not heard, and wondering, “Where do I fit in?” Don’t get me wrong…I love the church and want to feel a part, and I continue to pray for them. But none of the typical church groups, studies, programs, have spoken to my personal needs, or lessened the deep agony in my soul. I want MORE. I want DEPTH.
“…a survivor lives with the pain, triggers, shame, and fear for a lifetime…The church that represents Jesus Christ should be the safest and most restorative place on earth for those who have suffered any kind of abuse. But often, it is not. It is time for this to change – for all our sakes.” ~ Mary DeMuth
Is sexual abuse messy? Yes! It’s insidious and horrific - a topic we’d prefer to not discuss! But, something the church MUST begin to address. No more secrets! No more shame! No more living in darkness! If the church professes to “follow Jesus,” then NOW is the time to go DEEP, jump in and get messy! TODAY is the day to become ALL Jesus commands as HIS instrument of love and support.
For the CHURCH, We Too, is a must-read (and apply) for all pastors, church leadership, and Christian counselors. There is so much to glean in this book. Throughout, Mary has provided concrete ways in which you, the body of Christ, can come alongside the sexually abused and offer them hope and healing. In Part Three: Shaping What’s Next, she’s also included some specific, “Dos and Don’ts.” Church, you can no longer remain passive! It’s time to educate yourself, and We Too, will give you a better understanding of the horrific effects of sexual abuse, what the sexual abuse survivor needs FROM you, and as Jesus’ representatives, what you are called to be FOR them.
For the SEXUALLY ABUSED, We Too, won’t necessarily be an easy-read (trigger warning), but it will bless you. There were quite a few emotional ups and downs as I read it, and moments when I’d have to take a break. But, I discovered, and I pray you will, too, we are NOT alone, and there IS hope in Jesus. What I greatly appreciate in this book, is how Mary shows us Jesus…His love and compassion for the broken and outcast. The gentleness in which He interacted with the wounded and abused. The time He took, listening to those in need, never turning anyone away. As Mary shared, He “allowed for their voices to be heard.” Jesus wants your voice to be heard, too.
Thank you, Mary, for heeding God’s call to write, We Too.
You can follow Mary at #wetoo @marydemuth www.wetoo.org
Disclaimer: I received a free publisher’s advanced PDF copy to review. All opinions are my own.
Images in this review
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 14, 2019
Top reviews from other countries
Lesley
Must-read for all in Christian leadership!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on August 14, 2019
Wendy L. Macdonald
Please, dear church, read this book and be part of the solution.
Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on December 21, 2020
