- Paperback: 352 pages
- Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 27, 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 145651668X
- ISBN-13: 978-1456516680
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 66 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,254,762 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist Paperback – December 27, 2010
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About the Author
Sarah Tate is a single mother living and working in Switzerland. She arrived in Switzerland ten years ago and apart from a brief stay in France, has remained ever since, as Switzerland has become her adopted homeland. Sarah has three young kids, who take up most of her time, but she still managed to find time to write her first book 'Web of Lies - My life with a Narcissist'. The book is an auto-biographical novel which describes in graphic details, the ups and downs of life with a person who suffers from (amongst other things) Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Web of Lies takes the reader on an emotional journey and gives a deep insight into what it's like to be sucked into the world of a disordered individual, and more importantly, how to escape with your sanity in tact. Her second book, with the working title 'Renaissance - A Journal of Disovery' is a work in progress. It describes the road to recovery from narcissistic abuse, and charts the progress of Sarah and her children as they rebuild their lives following the break up of the family, and slowly come to terms with the devastation caused by Sarah's ex. Sarah's third book 'The Middle Aged Twist' will be out in late 2012
Top customer reviews
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I met Bill online. Within a week he tells me he loves me. Within a week I rely on him for any kind of emotional and even practical support - we message every hour, we message about everything. I message him for an advice on how to let the water out of my toddlers pool! He is on Skype, he is there, to help, guide and support. He writes me letters on handmade paper with an ink pen.. I finally recycled those now…. We skyped for 3 weeks, two of which he was in UK. When he finally came back, we couldn’t wait to meet each other and he came to my place straight from the airport. He never left for TWO years. During those two years I have listened to all of the stories that Sarah relates in her books, but they never fitted, I put it down to my lack of concentration, eventually I started thinking I was just stupid… Now they fit in terms of timing and in terms of outcome - that is - no outcome. I asked to see his papers in the first week after meeting, because I kept hearing alarm bells - I found out then that he is 4 years older than he claimed to be. I felt like I was hit in my solar plexus, but by then the stage one of love bombing was well under way and I just digested it, blamed myself on my lack of attention.That was the first time I was gaslighted. After that there were a lot of moments where I held and comforted him because “so much injustice happened to him”, I spent the rest of my compassion and love on the fake. He began discarding me by then but I fought for more than one year… Silly me. I started to forget how angry and protective of my daughter I felt at the beginning of the “ relationship” when she toddled into our bedroom repeatedly shouting “mummy” at 6 am and he swore at her. I felt like a lioness, I wanted to banish him to my guest room and eventually I did. He said it didnt feel right to be sleeping separately but gradually it was the only thing that felt right. And we fell in that routine- that sad-sad routine - Sarah’s basement dweller became my guest room dweller. Munchkin was too much, I didnt parent her properly - thats why she came in at 6 am, we didnt leave him in piece enough - thats why he was loosing clients - clients that didn’t exist. He was under so much pressure to pay Sarah 8 K a month - I felt for those children, but I also felt for him - I said “can’t you go back to court and say you can’t physically pay that much? you are almost 60, you’ve had a heart attack - its too much! “ He had put a brave face on and said he has an obligation, he will never drag his babies through another court decision, it might harm them. I believed everything until I found the books… babies, obligation, honor, love, compassion, - no, just gas lighting and psychopaths madness and lies. Sarah raised the babies without a cent or a minute of support from this creature, she supported me through my learning curve and getting out of the post psychopath hangover. He is still out there, playing the part, being a “gentleman”, a clown and ruining lives. Watch out!
But for those who have had their lives hollowed out by a parasite posing to be intially your friend and 'soul mate', Web of Lies is an accurate case study of the typical experience.
There were times when this case study could be a transcript of my own experience so I found the book one I was compelled to read. The flagship honey moon start, lies from the 'get go', lots of drama and unhappiness once your life is aligned within this crazy existance. The book would be worth a read of anyone who wonders if they are going mad or possibly their partner has some weird issues that border on just rediculous.
This book has joined the many I explored to find some understanding of my own experience. As so accurately written so many times, it is the victims that seek therapy and try to rebuild. The narcissist just moves their nest and destructive pathological lies and attaches to the next unsuspecting person.
Well done to the author Sarah, not an easy experience I imagine, but writing it out, alerting others, becoming more self aware, all assists us to rebuild.
I would recommend this to anyone dealing with narcissists, the problem being, once you recognise it, it is usually too late.
Although Sarah represses her rage and despair most of the time, when she does find out exactly what Bill is up to behind her back, there's a very satisfying scene where she starts to take back her power.
The awful truth of what really happened to Bill's second wife makes the book even more powerful.
Ultimately, the saddest thing about narcissism is that well-meaning witnesses are ineffective; the narcissist's spell is so strong. After reading this book I began to see narcissism as a sort of Ponzi scheme, where the narcissist feeds off one victim and uses the money and resources remaining from that destroyed relationship to attach to another victim. The lies begin again. It seems society is set up so that bragging, lying men are protected, in a way. (It's true Bill keeps getting fired, but he also keeps getting work!) Kind of makes you wonder about the human race. But Tate has written a gripping book, which I read in one sitting. Although one reviewer complained it was all about one woman's marriage and not enough about narcissistic relationships in general, I disagree. This is an unwavering portrayal of what a destructive narcissist does in a relationship, from beginning to end. I think it could open a lot of eyes.