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What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce Hardcover – March 12, 2003
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Top Customer Reviews
My parents were among the millions of men and women who have decided on divorce. The process of divorce can be complicated as it is. But if there are children in the family, divorce can be a very traumatic experience for all involved. If divorce is not easy for the adults, why would it be any easier for the children?
In the book, "What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce," by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, divorce is looked at as being new beginning, since everyone's lives will be different from that point on. How can parents protect themselves from being any less of the parent they were before the divorce? How do parents explain their divorce to their children, and how can they protect their children during each stage of their new lives? This book contains these answers and much more. Parents who are going through or have already gone through a divorce will learn the best way to take care of themselves, their children, and how to handle many of life's situations as a divorced parent.
MyParenTime highly recommends this book -- it is easy-to-read and is written in a non-discriminating tone. It provides helpful information to parents who are going through a difficult time in their lives. It also focuses on the children at different stages in their lives -- because parents are not the only ones whose lives will be changed forever.
Read the excerpt in the "look inside" section.
The authors insist that the former spouses must straighten themselves out rather quickly so that they can be there for the children (think airline oxygen mask instructions). Infants and toddlers need immediate assistance while adapting to changes in care and nurturing. Preadolescents require empathy and the knowledge the parents will be there as they struggle with the emotional bombs of change. Teens will manipulate the guilt of the parents better than Machiavelli so provide empathy and understanding, but also remember the parent has feelings too. Even adults have issues that their splitting parents must not ignore. Other topics provide insight into the before during, after, and second marriages with a thorough index to further assist the reader.
This is a well-written complete guidebook encouraging the divorcees that with integrity they can handle the grenades their resentful, often angry children and perhaps their former partner toss at them.
Wallerstein and Blakeslee have adopted the same warm and highly personal style that so engaged the readers of their previous books (most notably The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts). They have a real knack for zeroing in on the emotions that a parent is likely to be experiencing at any given point on the sometimes rocky path between marriage and divorce. In fact, they use the journey motif in the introduction of the book when they talk about how marital breakdown intensifies the challenges of parenting: "Parenting is always a hazardous undertaking. Much of the time it's like climbing a mountain trail that disappears and reappears, making you wonder if you're still headed for the top or if you're stranded on a cliff. But parenting in a divorced or remarried family is harder still -- it's like climbing that same trail in a blizzard, blinded by emotions and events out of your control. You have no clear path, no idea of where you're going. You may not even realize that you're lost."
If it's starting to sound like getting a divorce is life-long work, you've got that right, insists Wallerstein: "Since you have children, you're yoked until they're grown.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Read Wallerstein's initial book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" and loved it. It has influenced and continues to inform my work with families in counseling. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Benjamin Skye
This book is merciless. Read this book only if you want to feel like an immature moron who is ruining your kids lives. The tone is completely demeaning and insulting. Read morePublished 16 months ago by Melissa Hoekman
I only have read what has pertained to my immediate situation but what I have read was very informational and the rest looks like it would come in very well if a person was in the... Read morePublished on March 11, 2014 by brendan
I would hope that every parent considering devorice would read this before talking to their children! excellent advise! pertains to all ages.Published on July 29, 2013 by Linda G Shrock
Was trying to parent through a separation and found the book useful in terms of reorganizing out thinking. Definitely worth picking up.Published on July 23, 2013 by Melissa
Presents some good things to think about if considering a divorce. The children are always the ones who suffer. This presents a balanced view.Published on May 15, 2013 by Mary Chernugal