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Liz Pryor

What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over Paperback – March 25, 2009

by Liz Pryor (Author)

111 ratings

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It happens without warning, and it hits you with devastating force. Your closest girlfriend, the Ethel to your Lucy, the Thelma to your Louise, cuts you off completely. No more late-night phone calls, no more afternoon e-mails, no more catch-up lunches and dinners. She has decided for whatever reason to move on with her life and has left you to figure it out on your own. The experience can be as painful and confusing as a sudden breakup with a significant other, and you replay scenes from the friendship and wonder what you did wrong.

Until now, women had to endure the heartache of losing a friend all alone, without the social support and understanding that accompanies, say, a romantic split-up -- and to make matters worse, they don't even have their best friend's shoulder to cry on. But What Did I Do Wrong? gives you that sympathetic shoulder and a resource -- and some answers -- that you can rely on. After author Liz Pryor had gone through a number of these breakups herself, she set out to discover why they were happening, how to help herself -- and others -- get through them...and how to prevent them from happening again.

Through personal interviews and her popular website, www.lizpryor.com, Pryor collected hundreds of stories of friendships with which you will identify. Now she draws on those stories to explore the dynamics of friendship breakups in a candid, intimate way, revealing the patterns, the warning signs, and some ways to put a friendship right or help it change to meet your or your friend's changing life. She also explains how to end a friendship -- if you find that you need to do so -- in ways that honor both parties' feelings and your history together.

Like the best kind of girlfriend -- one who really will stay friends forever -- Pryor blends plain, old-fashioned, feminine good sense and good humor with genuine empathy for the thousands of women who live with the confusion that lingers after an ended friendship -- for women of all ages, races, and backgrounds. What Did I Do Wrong? validates your feelings and inspires you to be more forthright and compassionate with new and old friends. It might even lead you to reconnect with a lost one. In the end, you will be moved and uplifted by the many stories of strong friendships, broken friendships, and renewed friendships that make this book a treasure of women's wisdom and experiences.

Print length

208 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Free Press
Publication date

March 25, 2009
Dimensions

5.51 x 0.48 x 8.5 inches
ISBN-10

0743286324
ISBN-13

978-0743286329
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Liz Pryor grew up in a small suburb outside Chicago and has spent the last five years devoted to helping and commiserating women on her website. She runs her own chat rooms, answers questions, and rants weekly about the insanity and hilarity of everyday life. She contributes as a friendship expert to most of the women’s magazines in the country, and for the last year has written an online parenting column for the national baby products company Munchkin. She guests regularly as a go-to girlfriend, dispensing advice, on Leeza Gibbon’s nationally syndicated radio show “Hollywood Confidential.” Liz lives in Sherman Oaks with her three teenaged children.

Most recently, Liz applied along with more than fifteen thousand other Americans for the full-time Advice Guru position on ABC’s Good Morning America… and won!

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Free Press (March 25, 2009)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 208 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0743286324
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0743286329
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.51 x 0.48 x 8.5 inches

Customer Reviews:
111 ratings

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Customer reviews

5 star		70%
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3 star		8%
2 star		1%
1 star		3%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Erin H.

Made me feel less alone

Reviewed in the United States on May 9, 2019

Verified Purchase

If you're considering this book, you're probably hurting right now because a close friendship just ended. That's exactly how I came upon it. Of the many different sources where I sought meaning, explanation, consolation, etc., this one is my favorite - because it's up front about not providing any of those things. Like most sucker-punch losses, the explanation is "Because that's life sometimes, that's why," and the consolation comes in the form of getting more used to living with the grief. The author is straight up about this state of affairs before the end of the first chapter.

But as grief veterans also know, commiseration with people who get it actually does help get through the darkest times. This book is full of stories and experiences - some the author's, some not - that made me feel like I was sitting in the middle of a support group for people who'd been unceremoniously friend-dumped. I'll probably never make sense of it, but putting words to my feelings helps me process them, and hearing that this has happened to many other women helps me feel less alone at a very lonely time.

I'm sorry you need it, reader, but if you do, I highly recommend this book.

32 people found this helpful

Helpful

Audrey

Fantastic book, Highly Recommend

Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2019

Verified Purchase

I really like the author's approach to this book. She did a great job sharing her journey of research. All along the way are many personal stories plus her own stories. She captured the very tough struggle of being on both ends of this scenario, and she captured it from all possible perspectives and discussed the different solutions. She inspires us to think long and hard about how our actions affect our friends. She made me think. She inspires us toward letter writing and honesty, but she also doesn't tell you what to do - she makes the point that we find the truth within ourselves. This book helped me make a better decision in the scenario I was in. Highly recommend this book.

6 people found this helpful

Helpful

Erin

Helps you on the journey of moving on...

Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2018

Verified Purchase

This book was recommended to me by another friend who doesn't live near me as I was dealing with the "break-up" of a local friendship; a friend whom I truly thought I would be a friend with forever. This book came along at a time when I really needed it. I had been truly struggling with the loss of a friend, who herself was going through some things but had essentially cut me out of her life without any explanation, made worse when she hadn't done the same to mutual friends. Now, this book isn't going to wave a magic wand and make you feel instantly better about the loss of the friendship but it does help you understand and validate the feelings you have.

12 people found this helpful

Helpful

trolldoll-1

Loss of a friend - found a book that helped!

Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2008

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The sudden loss of a long-time friend (her choice not mine) got me to research Amazon.com and see if I could find a book that would help me to survive this experience. I got the book and began reading it - Liz Pryor's style of writing was easy to follow and a quick read. She addressed all sorts of friendship breakups, not just the ones that avoid and disappear from your life. As she points out, there is more sympathy and understanding with boyfriend/girlfriend breakups and divorce than there is for a loss of a friend.

Lack of guidelines, lack of acknowledgement concerning the importance of friends, adds to this.... the loss of a friend is a huge loss. I have been divorced and experienced a seminar that lasted 10 weeks to get people past the first year of loss a bit quicker and offered lessons to work through, things to ponder, and discuss with the group - what is offered when you loose a friend - nada - not much on the internet either - except for Ms. Pryor's website. I felt consoled while reading her book.

I have had several friendships that went by the wayside - and not my choice. Had Ms. Pryor's book been written then I would have had more knowledge and maybe approached the disappearing friend more. I am well aware that you cannot make people love you - but it is amazing how a friendship can end and you have no say in discussing it - resolving whatever the issue is - it is just gone.

All we can do is handle the loss the best we can - and read Ms. Pryor's book to help us get through the pain.

I highly recommend her book to anyone who has experienced a loss of a friend when you did not want it to happen; or need guidance on how to end a friendship that is not working for you. Other books you may want to read also are Jan Yager, Ph.D's "Friendshifts" and "When Friendship Hurts".

18 people found this helpful

Helpful

Wendy Flowers

I wish I would have read this book 35 years ago!

Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2022

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This book should be required reading for all young women and old ladies! The heartfelt emotions that came with every chapter resonated with me on multiple levels; from when I was a very young adult and suffered my first "girlfriend breakup" all the way through my late fifties when I am watching and grieving for my daughters as they go through their own heartbreaking journeys with "friends". In reading it, I gained valuable ideas around how to deal with this issue. I will be putting those lessons into action. Thank you!

Helpful

Linda M.

Helpful exploration of friendship patterns

Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2017

Verified Purchase

I found this book helpful in understanding how good friends can suddenly drop out of our lives. I thought the motivations for this sort of behavior could have been explored a bit more, but all in all, it was good to see that these things happen to women all of the time, and even a friendship of 20 years can evaporate overnight for no known cause.

6 people found this helpful

Helpful

Hal2me

Good Book at Explaining Why Some Friendships End

Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2013

Verified Purchase

After a friend of 16 years dropped off the face of the earth, I always wondered what happened. After running into her 5 years later and still feeling angry, I picked up a copy of this book. It helped me to see that I am not the only one this has happened to. The stories in the book made me see that women's frienships change over time. Especially, when one of the friends undergoes a major life change. I felt better about things reading the book. However, it made me sad to see how awful some women can be to one another. If you don't want to be friends with soemone anymore, for whatever reason, you need to tell them so they can move on.

16 people found this helpful

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Jc

Really helpful when you’ve lost a friend!

Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2019

Verified Purchase

I lost a best friend I had for 20 years and was so unbelievably sad. I didn’t know what to do. Then I came across this book. It helped immensely. I think what helped the most is knowing that so many women go through the same thing. Read if you need help getting over a friendship.

5 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Samantha P

Not your fault

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 6, 2017

Verified Purchase

I have found this book has helped me a lot to come to terms with a friend of over 20 years deciding to “move on” from our friendship. I have struggled to understand why and have always believed my friendships would be “for life”. When a friend ditches you with the silent treatment, it can be very hurtful, confusing and heart-breaking for the person that is on the end of the silent treatment. People should be much more truthful in ending a friendship, it may hurt the other person but the silent treatment ending of a friendship is worse as there is no closure and the person finds it hard to move on.

6 people found this helpful

Anne-Marie from Dorset

"There's naught as queer as folk"

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 1, 2016

Verified Purchase

After a 64 year friendship with my "best friend" fell apart without my having the least idea why, I have found this book both helpful, reassuring and comforting. It seems it happens quite often and I am merely one of a vast crowd of people who have had their "best friends" suddenly "ditch" them without rhyme or reason.

8 people found this helpful

Luxit

Very American but an important read for ladies

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 9, 2018

Verified Purchase

Very American but an important read for ladies

One person found this helpful

Ross Bower

If you like American daytime TV trivia

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 25, 2014

Verified Purchase

If you like American daytime TV trivia ... this is the book for you! No depth to recounted friendship relationships, no sound advice, no interesting research ... time to grow up?

One person found this helpful

Noelle

wow. so glad I found this book

Reviewed in Canada on February 13, 2015

Verified Purchase

This is exactly the kind of book I have searched for years to find. It perfectly and honestly accounts what happens in female friendships that fall apart. From both perspectives you see how it happens - good, bad and ugly. I have a much better idea of maybe why it has happened to me and has made me feel more at peace. I have taken away huge lessons from this book and I don't know if I've ever highlighted a book more! Don't hesitate to read this if you've ever felt the hurt, confusion, guilt, etc of going through a friendship breakup. Thank you thank you thank you for writing this.

One person found this helpful

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What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over Paperback – March 25, 2009

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