What Every Autistic Girl Wishes Her Parents Knew is a collection of essays edited by Emily Paige Ballou, Kristina Thomas, and Sharon daVanport. The tone of the essays is conversational, and they're directed at parents whose daughters have been diagnosed with autism. Nearly all, if not all, of the essays are written by actually autistic individuals. Reading it as an autistic individual, I found it an uplifting and edifying read, but I also found some parts of it a little triggering.
The book is divided into the following sections: Preface, Foreword, Introduction, Early Memories, Childhood and Education, Gender Identity and Sexuality, Acceptance and Adaptation, Finding Community, Conclusion, Afterword, Contributors, and Notes. Most sections contain several essays.
The Preface explains that parents often understand their autistic children more after talking to actually autistic people than after talking to many experts and that this book offers a diverse collection of autistic perspectives and voices to help parents better appreciate what their children are experiencing.
In the Foreword, Jess Wilson, mother to an autistic daughter, tells of her fear when her daughter was diagnosed. She first turned to allistic (not autistic) experts on autism for help, and they were in some ways helpful but could only offer a perspective on autism from the outside looking in.
Then, she turned to actually autistic people to gain a greater understanding of her daughter. She found the autistic community ready to welcome her daughter with open arms, and she stresses to new parents the importance of finding other autistic people, and not just non-autistic experts, when their daughters receive an autism diagnosis.
The Introduction is beautifully written and edifying, and it stresses that autistic women and girls, even high-support autistic women and girls, are valuable and that there is a place in the world for us.
The essays in Early Memories stress a number of things:
"Empathy and Non-Verbal Cues": First, that autistic children understand more about their environment than you might think, and, even if they cannot speak, they are communicating with you in other ways. Second, not to assume you know the reason your child is having a meltdown, but to ask or investigate and help the child learn to cope with what is actually bothering them.
"It's Us Against the World, Kid": Third, don't try to force the child to blend in as not autistic, but help the child be the best "them" they can be. Also, since autistic people lack a theory of the mind, it can be hard for us to tell when we have done well. Praise liberally. Support your child, and let them know verbally that they are loved.
"Acknowledge Vulnerability, Presume Competence": Next, don't believe that your life is unfair because your child is autistic. They will know and will feel unloved. Don't expose them to a sensory onslaught to "toughen them up." They likely cannot "toughen up." Let them learn and grow at their own pace, exploring what they are good at, rather than worrying endlessly about what they are not. Know autistic adults; this gives your child role models like them. Give your child the power to say no- the power of autonomy. And finally, presume competence.
The section Childhood and Education stresses that therapies designed solely to enforce compliance can make it hard for autistic adults to set safe boundaries and be autonomous later in life. It encourages choosing therapies carefully.
Gender Identity and Sexuality touches on the critical issues of gender identity and sexuality and the importance of parental openness and support around them for all youth and especially autistic youth. It touches on the ways compliance therapies can affect autistic people's abilities to set healthy sexual boundaries.
In Acceptance and Adaptation, sensory and social issues are discussed, as are strategies to help your child through a plethora of challenges that will come up as they grow and navigate life. Accepting your daughter's autistic identity and loving and supporting her unconditionally are also discussed in-depth in this section.
In Finding Community, autistic adults talk about the aloneness of growing up not knowing anyone else on the autism spectrum and how much better their lives would have been knowing someone else like them. This section stresses the importance of the autistic community for autistic girls.
The Conclusion is a thank you letter to parents of autistic daughters, who are walking this journey with their daughters and teaching their daughters that they have a place in this world.
The Afterword contains another story of an autism parent, and the Contributors section contains biographies of the writers of the essays.
After that, we see that this book, which was published by the Autism Women's Network and DragonBee Publication and is endorsed by the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and finally, there is a citation of sources (Notes section).
Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who works with autistic girls or women, parents of autistic girls or women, and autistic women themselves. It's a pleasant read and offers valuable perspective.
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Reviews with images
Terrific!! Great Resources and Stories! I ❤️ it!
I am one of the writers in this book so I'm not sure if my review counts 😉. But I'm writing about ALL the contributors. I was excited to see who the other writers were and what they had written about. I wondered how the Editors would make sense of all of our contributions. I am really impressed. The book is great. The women who co-authored this book shared such a wide variety of personal stories. It makes the book really able to reach everyone and covers all different topics. It's organized well and an easy read. I love books based on real stories. The personal experiences that these women shared were so rich with knowledge. They also shared many of their best resources that are priceless. There are also the amazing editors. I had no idea who these incredible women were, just that they were little miracle workers all through out the project. They were so kind and patient. I was so grateful. Last but certainly not least, there is Sharon da Vanport who started and runs Autism Women's Network whom I owe so much gratitude to. What a blessing she has been to women and girls with autism everywhere. Creating this book was brilliant. It gave a voice to us women on the spectrum. It gave us this amazing chance to share our experience, strength and hope with families and girls with autism on the spectrum. I so wish this book was out there when my children were little. It was a very isolating experience to raise my girls with autism back then. I am so bless to have arrived on the other side and have this opportunity to pay it forward. Blessings to you all! Warmly, Jennifer St. Jude
Top reviews from other countries
Amazon Customer
A wonderful book, I highly recommend it
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 24, 2017Alex F.
I wish this book had been around when I was growing up
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 4, 2017