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What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter Paperback – January 30, 2009

by Voddie Baucham Jr. (Author)

739 ratings

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All parents want their daughters to marry godly young men. But which qualities, specifically, should they be looking for?

What will you say when that certain young man sits down in your living room, sweaty-palmed and tongue-tied, and asks your permission to marry your daughter? What criteria should he meet before the two of them join together for life? What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter outlines ten qualities parents should look for in a son-in-law, including trustworthiness, a willingness to lead his family, an understanding of his wife's role, and various spiritual leadership qualities.

Author Voddie Baucham follows up on his popular book Family Driven Faith with this compelling apologetic of biblical manhood. By studying the principles outlined in his book, parents who want their daughter to marry a godly man-as well as those who want their sons to become godly men-will be well equipped to help their children look for and develop these God-honoring qualities.

Editorial Reviews

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"Voddie Baucham believes that fathers have a significant responsibility to protect and guide their daughters as they prepare for marriage. One need not agree with everything in this book to benefit greatly from the practical wisdom contained in its pages. As the father of two teenage daughters, I am planning to keep this book close at hand."
―Andreas J. Köstenberger, Theologian in Residence, Fellowship Raleigh, North Carolina; Cofounder, Biblical Foundations

About the Author

Voddie Baucham Jr. (DMin, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) is dean of the seminary at African Christian University in Lusaka, Zambia. The author of a number of books, including Family Driven Faith, The Ever-Loving Truth, and Joseph and the Gospel of Many Colors, Baucham is also a pastor, church planter, and conference speaker.

Dean, African Christian University Seminary; author, Family Driven Faith

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1581349300
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crossway
Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 30, 2009
Edition ‏ : ‎ First Edition
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 216 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781581349306
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1581349306
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.49 x 9 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #28,824 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #138 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #169 in Christian Family & Relationships
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739 ratings

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Voddie Baucham Jr.

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Voddie Baucham wears many hats. He is a husband, father, former pastor, author, professor, conference speaker, and church planter. He currently serves as Dean of Theology at African Christian University in Lusaka, Zambia.

Voddie makes the Bible clear and demonstrates the relevance of God’s word to everyday life. However, he does so without compromising the centrality of Christ and the gospel. Those who hear him preach find themselves both challenged and encouraged.

Voddie’s area of emphasis is Cultural Apologetics. Whether teaching on classical apologetic issues like the validity and historicity of the Bible, or the resurrection of Christ; or teaching on biblical manhood/womanhood, marriage and family, he helps ordinary people understand the significance of thinking and living biblically in every area of life.

It is impossible to understand Voddie’s approach to the Bible without first understanding the path he has walked. Raised in a non-Christian, single-parent home, Voddie did not hear the gospel until he was in college. His journey to faith was a very unusual and intellectual one. Consequently, he understands what it means to be a skeptic, and knows what it’s like to try to figure out the Christian life without relying on the traditions of men. As a result, he speaks to ‘outsiders’ in ways few Bible teachers can.

Dr. Baucham holds degrees from Houston Baptist University (BA in Christianity/BA in Sociology), Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary (M.Div.), Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (D.Min.), an honorary degree from Southern California Seminary (D.D.), and additional post-graduate study at the University of Oxford, England (Regent’s Park College).

Voddie and his wife, Bridget have been married since 1989. They have nine children: Jasmine, Trey (Voddie, III), Elijah, Asher, Judah, Micah, Safya, Amos, and Simeon. The Bauchams are committed home educators.

Away from the pulpit and the classroom, Voddie is also a voice actor, lending his voice to films like George Washington Carver: An Uncommon Way, and the 2017 national theatrical release, Genesis: Paradice Lost, and an accomplished Martial Artist. He took up Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in 2012 as an avenue of self-defense training, personal fitness, and outreach. However, he began competing and found both a passion and a talent. He has won numerous tournaments and titles, including winning the 2014 Pan American Championship in his division.

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Customers find this book to be a must-read for every man, praising its great biblical wisdom and practical advice for fathers. They describe it as eye-opening and challenging, with one customer noting how the author correlates scripture to the ideas presented. The book receives positive feedback for its sound interpretation and readability.

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Readability Biblical wisdom Book for dads Thought provoking Challenge level Sound quality

66 customers mention "Readability"66 positive0 negative

Customers find the book highly readable and well-written, with several noting it's a must-read for every man.

"Great book. Lots to think about...." Read more

"Excellent book. Every man must strive to become this and every father must strive to lead His daughter towards this type of man...." Read more

"A well-written and timely book for young men, and their parents...." Read more

"Excellent Book!..." Read more

62 customers mention "Biblical wisdom"62 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the biblical wisdom in the book, finding it insightful and based on scripture, with one customer noting how it presents easily digestible principles.

"...Such fantastic wisdom and insight!" Read more

"...not give any how-to's on courtship per se, but it does a WONDERFUL job of explaining what to look for in a mate...." Read more

"A well-written and timely book for young men, and their parents...." Read more

"...This book is directed at Christian parents, especially fathers...." Read more

41 customers mention "Book for dads"41 positive0 negative

Customers find this book valuable for fathers, providing practical advice and serving as a must-read for Christian parents.

"...In doing so, it gives practical advice to fathers who will be evaluating suitors in the future, and who may also be raising those suitors himself...." Read more

"...This book inspires me to be a better parent, to be more diligent in training both my sons and my daughters, and will inspire men to be better men,..." Read more

"...Award-winning Ever-Loving Truth Bible study curriculum, and Family Driven Faith. He and his wife, Bridget have five children...." Read more

"...This also would be helpful for single men to read to see what they should be striving for as a Godly man and for single women to get an idea of what..." Read more

10 customers mention "Thought provoking"10 positive0 negative

Customers find the book thought-provoking and eye-opening, with one customer noting how it explains God's design beautifully.

"...This is a very eye opening and encouraging book about the future generation and how we can help them build strong, Godly relationships that will..." Read more

"...Reading this book is both reaffirming and eye opening...." Read more

"Thoughtful and interesting. Would recommend anyone that is single and/or in a relationship...." Read more

"Thought provoking and a refreshing reliance on scripture. Counter cultural ... but isn't that the point?" Read more

5 customers mention "Challenge level"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book challenging.

"...A great read for everyone, challenging and relevant for now and the culture/society to come." Read more

"Really challenged and encouraged by reading this book...." Read more

"...Very challenging in the best possible way" Read more

"Complex, deep issues tackled in an easy-to-read format, Great book!..." Read more

4 customers mention "Sound quality"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the sound interpretation of the book.

"...Through sound interpretation Voddie lays out plainly how anyone can foster deep Christian maturity through discipleship inside and outside of the..." Read more

"...to me because I wasn't raised in a Christian home, but it's all sound doctrine...." Read more

"Loved the audio version. Great to study with young men and women as they try to figure out life. Highly recommend." Read more

"This is a wonderful book! It's very thoughtful and biblically sound...." Read more

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Steven A. Creasy
Best book on relationships I have read to date!
Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2009
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I have read a lot of books on relationships. I am a Christian father who is trying to learn all I can about the concept of courtship. This book does not give any how-to's on courtship per se, but it does a WONDERFUL job of explaining what to look for in a mate.

If you are a young lady who will one day wed, you really need to read this book. If you are a young man who will one day wed, you really need to read this book. If you are the parent of a young person who will one day wed, you REALLY need to read this book!

The book tells in easy to read terms what to look for and expect from a young man in terms of marriage. In doing so, it gives practical advice to fathers who will be evaluating suitors in the future, and who may also be raising those suitors himself. This would also be a great resource for a small group to use on the subject of relationships!

Voddie Baucham is to be commended for this work, and I know that it will be a valuable resource to you in preparing your own children for marriage, or in assisting you in finding a Godly mate.

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6 people found this helpful

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Essential discipleship tool, for daughters too!
Reviewed in the United States on August 22, 2024
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A well-written and timely book for young men, and their parents. Also recommend for older teen daughters, as it can help them to grow in discernment about qualities they should seek in a potential husband. Faithful to Scripture and so helpful to navigate dating and courtship in a biblically-informed way.

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4 people found this helpful

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Shonya Klein
More than. . .
Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2009
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This book is more than you think. It is more than a 'check list' of what a man must be. It is more than a 'how to find a suitable husband' for yourself or your daughter.

This book inspires me to be a better parent, to be more diligent in training both my sons and my daughters, and will inspire men to be better men, better husbands, better fathers. And that is not what I anticipated.

Baucham does not leave us with an unattainable and unclear list which frustrates us and makes us feel there is no hope. He delves, quite more than I expected, into the Word, history, theology, and examples from christian heroes of the past in order to thoroughly explain what a man must be and WHY. A list would be easier to read. A list would be easier to post as a legalistic, graceless disqualifier of the young men you know. But Baucham's purpose clearly is not the above; this book challenges the reader to raise standards to God's standards rather than settling for the cultural norm and inspires the reader to teach and disciple young men to meet those standards.

This book is not as 'easy to read' as the author's previous book, Family Driven Faith, but it is well worth the extra effort. It is well-written, the author is certainly a wordsmith, but the reader's mind will need to be fully engaged in order to grasp the depth of the message being presented. The message of the book is more than what a man must be if he wants to marry my daughter, as the title implies.

I highly recommend this book. You will receive pleasantly more than you expected.

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47 people found this helpful

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Shaun Tabatt
A must read for every Christian father!
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2009
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Ask Voddie Baucham how to best prepare for leadership and ministry and he may tell you to get married and have children. You may be wondering what that has to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. The answer is that it has everything to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. This book is directed at Christian parents, especially fathers. As followers of Christ it is the father's duty to lead and minister in his own home first. If you aren't sure what this looks like, you may want to consider for yourself the qualities Voddie suggests we should be looking for in our daughter's future husband and instilling in our sons who will most likely be husbands themselves some day.

The first part of the book lays the groundwork for the vision and thought behind these counter-cultural ideas. Chapter one expresses the need for fathers to have a Christ-centered multigenerational vision that extends to the children, grandchildren and beyond. Chapter two describes marriage as a ministry, explaining how marriage is a fertile training ground for future church leaders as the Christian marriage illustrates the relationship of Christ and the church to a lost and hurting world. Chapter three explains a father's role as he exercises gospel patriarchy.

Chapters four through eight lay out the qualities we should be looking for in our daughter's potential suitors and instilling in our own sons. They are as follows:

* He must be a follower of Christ (chapter 4)
* He must be prepared to lead (chapter 5)
* He must lead like Christ (chapter 6)
* He must be committed to children (chapter 7)
* He must be a protector (chapter 8)
o He must be a man of personal holiness
o He must be a man of true gentleness
o He must be a man of great resolve
o He must be a man of genuine compassion
o He must be a man of true bravery
* He must be a provider (chapter 8)
o He must have a job
o He must have a work ethic
o He must have a plan
* He must be a prophet / priest (chapter 8)
o A man must pray with and for his family
o A man must preach to his family

Chapter nine discusses the importance of protecting our daughter's purity, heart, focus, future spouse, and hope. Chapter ten talks about the importance of raising our own sons to be Godly men and describes how our influence as fathers will influence our daughter's choice of potential suitors. The conclusion offers some thoughts on the issue of ethnicity in relation to marriage and children.

If you're a father, I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy of What He Must Be ...if he wants to marry my daughter. At the very least, I hope it will show you that you don't have to accept the cultural norms when it comes to preparing your daughters and sons for marriage. God has called us to something much larger and we should seize it and move forward with all our might.

Voddie Baucham Jr. is a pastor, conference speaker, and Bible teacher. He is a graduate of Southwestern and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminaries and has also studied at the University of Oxford. Baucham is the author of The Ever-Loving Truth, the Telly Award-winning Ever-Loving Truth Bible study curriculum, and Family Driven Faith. He and his wife, Bridget have five children. Learn more about Voddie Baucham Jr. and his ministry at [familydrivenfaith.org] and [voddiebaucham.org].

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marius
excellent
Reviewed in France on January 27, 2014
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Une livre excellent, je le recommande a tous les pères (et filles). C'est pour ceux qui croire encore en famille!

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Charbel
Good
Reviewed in Poland on January 6, 2023
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It was an ok read, valuable insights, but could have been made shorter. Feels like a lot of it has been stretched out.

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Nicole
Loving man expressing love for his family and ours.
Reviewed in Canada on July 18, 2012
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Voddie Baucham has written a book that shows his deep concern for biblical truth and for his own family. Using his own families failures as a backdrop for the need for this book, Pastor Voddie leads us through the process of helping our sons grow into men of God, prepared to lead a family in a sacrificial and loving way. Through this, he also demonstrates what young women should expect from men desiring to pursue them. Voddie is quite clear that it is not a father's place to arrange a marriage for his daughter. Statements like "I have no intention of picking Jasmine's husband for her. We do not advocate arranged marriages." make this more than clear. Yet, these statements do not release a father from his responsibility to walk through the process of finding a spouse with his daughter. I would best sum it up like this. A father's role is to rule out and chase away the bad choices for a husband, while raising his daughter to be an exemplary wife. Further, fathers should also mentor men towards becoming mature, selfless and faithful husbands, using the role of elder as a target for all men, whether they grow to be a husband for our daughter or not. All men should be taught to desire and strive after towards these qualities.

This is an extremely fast paced book. Pastor Voddie has a point to make, but he will not reitterate and restate the same thing over and over. At about 200 pages, this book by most authors would weigh in closer to 300. Read it slowly, with a highlighter. Read it to and with your family, especially your children. Don't rush through it and definitely do read it more than once.

I'm especially encouraged by the young men at our church who have read this book, and I feel both challenged and encouraged by what it says. Pastor Voddie talks about 2 types of people at the base of Mount Everest. One says it's too high to climb, the other is spurred onward by dreams of the view from the top. Many of the young men around us have been spurred forward, and I'm excited, encouraged and inspired by them. I'm also challenged to step up myself, both as a husband and a father.

Don't miss this book. On the strength of it, I've bought his other books now too.

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Julio Cesar C. Silva
Great!
Reviewed in Brazil on February 18, 2016
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Excellent book. I'm reading it with my daughter's fiance, so that we can better know each other and the Word of God.

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Mr & Mrs Cheque
Incredible
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 30, 2023
Verified Purchase
Listened to Pastor VB and Pastor Paul Washer from 18yrs old when I was saved after Strange Fire Conference, deliberating with the Scriptures in comparison to my Pentecostal/Charismatic background. So glad I understood Biblical manhood and womanhood before I met my husband so 6 yrs later. Directed my understanding and prayers on whom to choose.

Found this book at my dad's house as I must have left it there and took it back home...gave that copy to a single friend... Bought this copy to read to train my children and my husband has been reading it! Have been using the points in this book to help a young boy in a broken home think of LEGACY and setting things right for his descendants. E.g. VB talks about how he spent so much time researching and planted specific trees and his family was disappointed on the reveal: they were baby trees and his kids were expecting MASSIVE ones. That was a teaching point on building trees so others could sit under the shade. It is about doing things right whether or not you have been handed a good inheritance or legacy to boast of. It is about setting things right and the weight of it is on the importance of a father in vetting suitors for his daughter all the while protecting her daughter's best interest and keeping her from conflict with those who may not be suitable.

THIS BOOK IS A MUST HAVE! BEFORE MARRIAGE AND CERTAINLY AFTER!

We also have the Family Driven Faith (and Family Shepherds which is really geared towards fathers) and my husband has finished reading the former and hasn't finished the latter - I just had to leave the Family Shepherds' as it clearly wasn't addressed to me and no matter how I tried, I couldn't make it far.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Best book on relationships I have read to date!

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential discipleship tool, for daughters too!

5.0 out of 5 stars More than. . .

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for every Christian father!

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars excellent

4.0 out of 5 stars Good

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving man expressing love for his family and ours.

5.0 out of 5 stars Great!

5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible

Best book on relationships I have read to date!

Essential discipleship tool, for daughters too!

More than. . .

A must read for every Christian father!

excellent

Good

Loving man expressing love for his family and ours.

Great!

Incredible