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What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter Paperback – January 30, 2009
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"Voddie Baucham believes that fathers have a significant responsibility to protect and guide their daughters as they prepare for marriage. One need not agree with everything in this book to benefit greatly from the practical wisdom contained in its pages. As the father of two teenage daughters, I am planning to keep this book close at hand."
—Andreas J. Köstenberger, Senior Research Professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
About the Author
Voddie Baucham Jr. (DMin, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) is dean of the seminary at African Christian University in Lusaka, Zambia. The author of a number of books, including Family Driven Faith, The Ever-Loving Truth, and Joseph and the Gospel of Many Colors, Baucham is also a pastor, church planter, and conference speaker.
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Top Customer Reviews
As with most reviews there is only so much one can cover and I cannot encourage you to read this book enough. There may be things that are counter cultural, such as seeing dating as detrimental to marriage, but that is not because the conclusion stated are wrong but because we are so influenced by current practices that anything foreign to them seem wrong. Many times choices need to speak out and Voddie is one of those voices.
We are called not simply to bring forth daughters and sons into the world but to be used by God to mold them and then send them off in an appropriate manner. All too often in an effort to not appear to be "old fashioned" or out of touch with the present we send our daughters off to fend for themselves instead of being the father God calls us to be. Voddie sets forth not only sound advice but sound advice grounded in scripture. Scripture needs to be sought after not only for salvation but it is also sufficient for leading us in raising sons worthy of marring our daughters and daughters worthy to marry our sons.
I asked my sons the other day if they were the type of men that would be worthy husbands for their sister. Once the initial sounds of laughter ceased they got the point and that is we are not simply to be vigilant in raising daughters to marry in the Lord and in helping to find them worthy husbands. We are to also raise sons worthy of marrying when the time arises.
Again reading Voddie's new book is for any father whether you have daughters sons or both. Read this book with a heart to see what God says about marriage and preparing our children for marriage. There may be, depending where you presently stand with regards to dating and courtship and the like, things that are uncomfortable but I would pray you would take from this book that the future of our sons and daughters are to be important to us and that often times this may mean difficult decisions need to be made for their good. If we rely on God and His principles instead of the world's manner of things our families will be healthy and more God glorifying and they will then produce healthy and God glorifying families.
This book inspires me to be a better parent, to be more diligent in training both my sons and my daughters, and will inspire men to be better men, better husbands, better fathers. And that is not what I anticipated.
Baucham does not leave us with an unattainable and unclear list which frustrates us and makes us feel there is no hope. He delves, quite more than I expected, into the Word, history, theology, and examples from christian heroes of the past in order to thoroughly explain what a man must be and WHY. A list would be easier to read. A list would be easier to post as a legalistic, graceless disqualifier of the young men you know. But Baucham's purpose clearly is not the above; this book challenges the reader to raise standards to God's standards rather than settling for the cultural norm and inspires the reader to teach and disciple young men to meet those standards.
This book is not as 'easy to read' as the author's previous book, Family Driven Faith, but it is well worth the extra effort. It is well-written, the author is certainly a wordsmith, but the reader's mind will need to be fully engaged in order to grasp the depth of the message being presented. The message of the book is more than what a man must be if he wants to marry my daughter, as the title implies.
I highly recommend this book. You will receive pleasantly more than you expected.
The first part of the book lays the groundwork for the vision and thought behind these counter-cultural ideas. Chapter one expresses the need for fathers to have a Christ-centered multigenerational vision that extends to the children, grandchildren and beyond. Chapter two describes marriage as a ministry, explaining how marriage is a fertile training ground for future church leaders as the Christian marriage illustrates the relationship of Christ and the church to a lost and hurting world. Chapter three explains a father's role as he exercises gospel patriarchy.
Chapters four through eight lay out the qualities we should be looking for in our daughter's potential suitors and instilling in our own sons. They are as follows:
* He must be a follower of Christ (chapter 4)
* He must be prepared to lead (chapter 5)
* He must lead like Christ (chapter 6)
* He must be committed to children (chapter 7)
* He must be a protector (chapter 8)
o He must be a man of personal holiness
o He must be a man of true gentleness
o He must be a man of great resolve
o He must be a man of genuine compassion
o He must be a man of true bravery
* He must be a provider (chapter 8)
o He must have a job
o He must have a work ethic
o He must have a plan
* He must be a prophet / priest (chapter 8)
o A man must pray with and for his family
o A man must preach to his family
Chapter nine discusses the importance of protecting our daughter's purity, heart, focus, future spouse, and hope. Chapter ten talks about the importance of raising our own sons to be Godly men and describes how our influence as fathers will influence our daughter's choice of potential suitors. The conclusion offers some thoughts on the issue of ethnicity in relation to marriage and children.
If you're a father, I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy of What He Must Be ...if he wants to marry my daughter. At the very least, I hope it will show you that you don't have to accept the cultural norms when it comes to preparing your daughters and sons for marriage. God has called us to something much larger and we should seize it and move forward with all our might.
Voddie Baucham Jr. is a pastor, conference speaker, and Bible teacher. He is a graduate of Southwestern and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminaries and has also studied at the University of Oxford. Baucham is the author of The Ever-Loving Truth, the Telly Award-winning Ever-Loving Truth Bible study curriculum, and Family Driven Faith. He and his wife, Bridget have five children. Learn more about Voddie Baucham Jr. and his ministry at [familydrivenfaith.org] and [voddiebaucham.org].
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I plan to go through this with my children.