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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers Hardcover – April 10, 2012

4.4 out of 5 stars 25 customer reviews

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"A Child's First Book of Trump"
A timely new parody from best-selling author and comedian Michael Ian Black. Learn more | Kindle book
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Suzanne Weber channels her inner vengeful infant to bring readers laugh-out-loud meditations on all the ways we've wronged our young. The titles alone are brilliant...." -- HuffPost Parents

"I have absolutely no idea how she does it, but Weber somehow manages to simultaneously make you laugh and get you a little verklempt with her hilarious poetry. Maybe it's because she absolutely nails what our babies would tell us if they could. It's all a little bit twisted and a whole lot of fun." -- CoolMomPicks.com

“Twisted, clever and hilarious. I laughed out loud on every single page. You'll never look at your child the same way again." —Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

"Brilliant." —Redbook

About the Author

Suzanne Weber is best known for creating, performing, and writing as the character Anita Liberty, a performance poet who achieves notoriety by devoting her entire career to humiliating her jerk of an ex-boyfriend in public. A native New Yorker, Weber currently resides in Los Angeles where she writes books, television pilots, Facebook status updates, tweets, and her daughter’s second-grade homework.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 112 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (April 10, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1451660650
  • ISBN-13: 978-1451660654
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.3 x 7.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,372,831 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I have to laugh at the negative reviews of this absolutely hysterical book. They are clearly written by people who would need a tractor to pull a needle out of their butts. Does something have to have foul language to be humorous? Not necessarily. But in this book,it works. It TOTALLY works. I was doubled over in the bookstore reading this, tears rolling down my cheeks. It's witty, spot on and simply side-splittingly funny. I add it to baby gifts for all of our friends and family who have wicked senses of humor and don't take themselves too seriously. And as great of a baby gift as it makes, it's even BETTER for seasoned pro parents who have been there, done that and "get it". Definitely give it to mom and dad at baby's 1st birthday.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Poet Weber may sound ornery and ungrateful, but this volume could well be be the most empathetic volume of verse ever written. It takes the young child's point of view, which is mainly that parents are often silly, often stumbling and sometimes more than a wee bit out of touch with wee ones. I am not sure who will get more pleasure out of this volume, those of us who have been infants? Parents? Or those who witness, mouth agape, other parents struggle with the mysteries of the humankind's most shared, and most daunting task: tending to a baby. I laughed all through this book, but don't know if it because it conjures up my deep suppressed memories as an infant, or embarrassment as as a parent. Then again, I cannot rule out it might just be because the author and conceit are so darn whacky and right on. Brava Suzanne Weber! Can't wait to give this out at the next baby shower (which I was dreading). The reading will begin just after the oohs and ahhs stop following the ribbons and lace. No pacifiers please. This book is for howling.
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Format: Hardcover
I loved Suzanne Weber when she wrote as Anita Liberty in her three previous volumes of poetry. How to Heal the Hurt by Hating should be required reading for every woman getting over a jerk, wait, make that every woman. Now she turns her lens on childhood and all the hell we (hopefully inadvertently) put our kids through, of course with all the best intentions. A perfect baby shower present, this is required reading for new, and continuing, parents.
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Format: Hardcover
This book is full of funny and real poetry and ponderings that our babies would say if they could talk to us - musings about mommy and me classes, why they might like your iPhone better than you, how they can't stand that big blue ball you shove up their nose to clear out the mucus, and even why the television is a win-win for the both of you.

These are laugh-out-loud poems to share with your mommy friends - even if your mommy friends have kids who are as old as my kids now - I cracked up reading this book and remembering the "good old days" when my babies were little.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Laugh out loud funny - although it's funnier after your child is about a year old (if you're a first time parent) so you can appreciate it. I've started to give this as a gift to my new parent friends. Some language may be offensive.
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Format: Kindle Edition
and now the best (and only!) volume of in-your-face revenge poetry for the littlies is finally here. You knew her as Anita Liberty in her previous works, including How to Heal the Hurt by Hating. Now writing under her real name of Suzanne Weber, her signature style is in top form here as she delves into the home truths all our munchkins would say, if only they could. Suzanne is the voice for the pre-lingual amongst us, sharing important information and advice to all new parents. An ideal shower gift, but its universal appeal makes it a must-have for any bookshelf. If your children are older, you'll be kicking yourself that you didn't have this important information when it mattered most. Two slobbery thumbs way up.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Just when I think the comedy can't continue (because I may overindulge) Suzanne Weber finishes her poems with a healthy dose of what it means to be human and a valuable life lesson here and there that will linger with the adult.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I didn't giggle, I laughed, I hee hawed, this is so funny and so what is going on in bringing up babies right now. I am a grandmother and some of these poems came right out of the lives of my children and grand babies!
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