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What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex: A Guide for Christian Men Paperback – April 1, 2007

4.4 out of 5 stars 43 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

FRONT COVER "A straightforward, no holds barred, entertaining manual for Christian men."--Neil Clark Warren, founder and chairman, eHarmony.com BACK COVER A candid guide to men's sexuality In the beginning God created man and woman--and sex. But men and women don't always see sex in the same way. This straight-talking guide helps men understand the difference--and helps women appreciate it too. Here are the facts of sexuality as you never heard them growing up--explicit, yet honest and accurate--minus the winks, nudges, and snickers. In great depth and with much candor, the authors explore the biblical, psychological, emotional, and physical aspects of making love. • Gain new insights into your own sexual makeup and the desires of your wife • Discover the most important thing to a woman • Learn how to become a better lover • See why knowing Christ can free a man to experience amazing love and incredible sex with his wife Whether you're married or planning to be someday, this is a must-read. "The authors have reclaimed sex as God's good gift, meant to be lavishly and extravagantly enjoyed by men and women who want the fullness of intimacy that God intended."--Linda M. Wagener, associate dean of the school of psychology, Fuller Seminary "This book breaks the fears and destructive guilt of Christianity into its true design to follow the real principles of sexual love as it was meant to be"--Frank Lawlis, author, The ADD Answer and The IQ Answer "Combining candor with humor, frankness with sensitivity, and professional knowledge with personal experience, this book offers a delightful overview of what husbands need to know about sex."--Jack Balswick, coauthor of Authentic Human Sexuality and A Model for Marriage Ryan Howes, Richard Rupp, and Stephen W. Simpson are psychotherapists who specialize in marriage and men's issues.

About the Author

Ryan Howes (Ph.D., Fuller Theological Seminary) is a therapist in private practice who specializes in helping men overcome sexual issues. He is an adjunct faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary and Pepperdine University. Richard Rupp (M.F.T., Fuller Theological Seminary) is a licensed marriage and family therapist at Pasadena Psychotherapy Center and has taught at Fuller Seminary. He is a frequent speaker at men's conferences and retreats. Stephen Simpson (Ph.D., Fuller Theological Seminary) is the director of the Fuller Psychological and Family Services and is an adjunct professor at the seminary.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Baker Books; Later Edition edition (April 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 080106774X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0801067747
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #278,593 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Books attempting to bridge the presumed cultural divide between Christianity and Sex are becoming quite common. In "What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex," the authors attempt to do, from a Biblical foundation, just that.

They are certainly to be commended on several fronts:

1) They recognize that the Bible does affirm regular, fulfilling sexual relations between a husband and his wife.

2) They attempt to derive their main assertions from Scripture itself.

3) They encourage us to reject the extremes: prudishness and sexual excess.

4) They draw the connection between love (the kind of love at which Christians should excel) and sex. This connection means that Christian husbands, are called to be great lovers (non-sexual), which allows them to be great lovers (sexual).

Unfortunately, despite these positive points, much of what is contained in this book is, I fear, ultimately unhelpful to married couples. I don't want to belabor these points so I will attempt to be brief.

1) First, it is not clear that the authors have properly understood the context of the Song of Songs and how to interpret it properly. While I commend them for their rejection of the allegorizing of this book, I think they miss the progression from engagement to marriage to consummation. Because they interpret every passage as relating directly to a married couple, they draw conclusions that do not necessarily follow from the text.

2) Most importantly, I think the book advocates a view of sexuality within marriage that actually affirms, rather than rejects, dangerous cultural views about sexuality. The authors regularly insist that Christian marriages should be filled with "mind-blowing" and "hot" sex.
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Format: Paperback
Imagine a how-to book written by three sex therapists who all happen to be both a) male and b) Christian. Does this shatter your paradigms or merely stretch them?

The authors of What Wives Wish fit both categories--male and Christian--while also serving various counseling, teaching and therapy roles at Fuller Seminary. Writing with an unflinchingly graphic attention to detail, these writers explain how Christian men can satisfy their wives sexually, while fitting sexuality into a balanced, nuanced place within the context of a loving, satisfying, mutually fulfilling relationship.

An excellent pre-marriage read for men, the book brings a relaxed, comfortable style to discussions of highly specific sexual techniques. While doing so, the authors are careful to explore the other dimensions of human relationships: spiritual, emotional and interpersonal. Although sexuality per se is given primary attention, men are encouraged and at times admonished to become more sensitive, more aware, and more patient.

If anything is missing here, it's the female voice or the feminine perspective, yet this is a book written by men and for men. At times it has a "Christian locker room" flavor, with some of the sex talk couched in metaphorical language drawn from Song of Solomon and other Biblical passages. Real-life couples may not be ready to rephrase their sexual language in Scriptural terms, yet they may be surprised to learn that the Bible is excellent source material for graphic, seductive sexual imagery.

The authors are clear in their intention to write for Christian married men, hoping to help Christian marriages achieve better depth and satisfaction in the bedroom. As such, they have written a helpful and useful guide that is worthwhile reading for its target audience of married and soon-to-be married males.

Armchair Interviews says: Unique perspective on marriage.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
In general I am not a fan of Christian sex books. Most books either hold people to a impossibly high (and usually non-biblical) standard (a man should be able to train himself to never look at a woman or all dating is wrong, etc.) or promise a 'mind-blowing' sex if you just follow the book's directions. While this book occasionally veers into the 'mind blowing sex' territory, I think it is good at trying to understand the biblical standards and then leave everything else open. (By the way, I picked this up free from Amazon on kindle. When I first bought it that it was the James Dobson book "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women" and almost did not get it. It is not that book. It was published in 2007 and is very current in language and references.)

Honestly, there is not much new info here. While authors are all psychologists that specialize in couple's therapy, the advice is fairly run of the mill (woo your wife all day, she is more turned on by cleaning the house than roses, etc). There is a short section on biology but most of the book is on relationships. The advice does not really need to be new (and probably is more helpful because it is not new). Sometimes we just need a reminder.

I just finished a fiction book that veered into the romance genre. I kept thinking throughout that book, that people in love often do stupid things. (Mark Gungor says the reason people should not have sex before marriage is that sex makes people stupid and God made us that way. Inside of marriage it is good for people to be stupid about the other person. Outside of marriage, it is not good to be stupid about the other person.)

Here is how I think this book is helpful. 1) It is ok to be a man. Men think about sex differently than women.
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