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Showing 1-23 of 23 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Sep 17, 2008, 6:54:57 PM PDT
Ceasar says:
Ok a coule questions

1. whats a great opener when you are at a bar? I go to perdiomitnmly (sp) white college and I'm black and I dress sharp, I dance good but for some reason women don't reciprocate and the women that do hit on me are the once that have boyfriends (wtf?)

can anyone help me?

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 18, 2008, 2:29:53 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 18, 2008, 2:33:32 PM PDT
D. Andersen says:
wear glasses and try a "mysterious" approach. Their dark-haired stranger thats going to take them to fantasy land. As a minority in your environment it may take a little more convincing, your skills have to be spot on. Without actually watching your approach thats the best advice I can give.

I cant tell you what to say, you need to find that out for yourself. Think of subjects you're knowledgeable about and expand on that. It would be good for you to read his other book.

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 18, 2008, 3:51:34 PM PDT
Ceasar says:
The college is more "hick" college, but the school is very liberal, artsy and lot of people graduate with some sort of degree having to do with the enivoroment (green crap) I have no problem with approaching or "opening up a set" however, I feel like women are intmidated or scared by my color, and i feel its holding my "game" back

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 25, 2008, 12:59:26 PM PDT
J. Tsao says:
Random black guy approaching lilly white girl who has all white friends probably won't work. I say hang out with a bunch of white guys. This will disarm them and make you look like one of their own instead of a mysterious hostile.

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 28, 2009, 4:47:25 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Jan 28, 2009, 4:53:56 PM PST
EllieZimm says:
that is hilarious... but a good call. go for the intellectual black thing. goatee + glasses + acting really important and irritated by the crackas around you = really sexy to white college girls looking to taste some exotic meat...

Furthermore, bars are prolly not your best place to go... aim for the girls that are in the library, esp if they've got glasses+dreadlocks [hate to say it, but it's so true...]
Also, try coffee shops and anyplace where lots of crunchy granola types hang out. If you can find a vegan restaurant in town, you're golden... the shy quiet girls are always the freakiest ones, trust me.

your color is definitely an asset. if you haven't realized that yet, you're in too small a town/ have a self-esteem problem.

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 7, 2009, 12:25:41 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 7, 2009, 12:26:03 AM PDT
Bookish says:
If his color is such an asset, then why does he have to be so focused in his targeting and limited in his venue?

His color is a limitation. He can't do well in bars because he's not white. Really irks me when non-black people say this type of thing. Like there's no color wall and all the white women are longing for black meat. Yet black men typically have to pick up the white castoffs if he wants a white girl: chubby white women and fit, handsome black men are a notorious combination. Unwashed, "quirky" girls with dirty hair and questionable hygiene are another.

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 8, 2009, 6:33:48 AM PDT
A. Tomsho says:
"however, I feel like women are intmidated or scared by my color, and i feel its holding my "game" back "

In that case the first thing you need to do is first figure out what stereotypes or preconceived notions they might have that lead them to be so suspicious and then figure out indirect ways of getting around that.

The second thing, and I'm going to echo J. Tsao here, is make more friends of different races as well as a few women with whom you really are just friends. The type of women you like, specifically. Be seen in all the right places with such a social circle and the stereotypes will start to fall away.

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 11, 2009, 12:28:21 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 11, 2009, 12:28:58 AM PDT
thames says:
'Green crap'?

Seems like you have frat boy 'hick' college attitude potential tho. Talk to the "hick" white girls about how liberals suck and your going into business. Your going to make lots of money.

And let's be real. Your black. You know about swagger. You know, many more black guys do that. They swagger. Well it's one of those things you don't describe, you just observe. But white chicks will be impressed by it. But white guys will probably hate you for it if your in a club, but so what.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 29, 2009, 6:07:28 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Oct 29, 2009, 6:11:27 PM PDT
J A says:
Just be yourself forget the role-playing you won't relax. You take the mindset that you're not comfy with who you are, others will sense it. It's liek the captain panicking on a boat, everyone will trip too. When the captain's calm and in a happy mood, everyone is, no matter the weather and sea.

Look the best you can: clean shoes clean everything like you said. Forget talking and opening coversations, except for one thing: go to the bar when it's quieter and when you order a drink, ask the bartender how they're doing, ask for some info like opneing times or whatever, stike up a bit of chat whilst they aren't buys and serving you. Try to get them to talk more than you do. Listen to them more than you talk. Give them a reasonble tip too. Tell them to buy themself a drink. They have to be friendly, it's their job. Now you know someone there in some way. You may be able to greet them when you enter the bar at other times. You will also feel a bit more comfortable being there alone. Girls will see someone chatting with you so it's like you're not a big saftey "?" in their minds.

Back to the girls. Position yourself centrally. At the bar is fine but not at the quiet end. Observe. Look who gives you evidence, interest such as eye-contact, positions themself so they can view you easily. Once you've collected some reasonable evidence such as a few glances to each other, try exchanging a smile then look away. Strike up some kind of frienship from eyes ans smiles and you're already tight with the girl before you even open your mouth. She's already choosing you so it doesn't matter what you say so long as it's nothing weird.

Hope that helps. These tips from principles in 21st Century Fox Space Age Pimping by Paradise which pre-dates all this PUA sillyness by years.

I didn't mention skin colours. Look at yourself and changing yourself. For example don't look at the girls as white girls, look at them as... girls. Until you can do that you will of course be thinking you are looked at as a black guy instead of people seeing you as a guy. You've got to examine your own perspective and how it's halping or hindering you in life.

Posted on Nov 3, 2009, 8:14:53 AM PST
A. Tomsho says:
"These tips from principles in 21st Century Fox Space Age Pimping by Paradise which pre-dates all this PUA sillyness by years."

Everybody's got a sales pitch.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 3, 2009, 10:52:23 AM PST
J A says:
1. You're stating its not right that I acknowledged where I got my some of my advice that I wrote down, instead of coming across as if it is all "me".

2. I took the time to write a lot of advice there, specific advice, rather than general advice without the neccecarry information. Whereas your points were general "make more friends" accompanied by no know-how.

3. Thanks for finding nothing else to criticize in the post I wrote except that I mentioned my primary source.

4. Amazon has decided to allow discussions about books to help sell books on its site, I assure you, otherwise it wouldn't have them. The topic is actually named after a... book.

Posted on Nov 4, 2009, 4:53:38 AM PST
A. Tomsho says:
1. I'm just saying it's funny. People relentlessly criticize me for recommending getting information from books, but everybody has a book or website or person they're willing to push on you. Don't take it so personally.

2. Now you're just being a brat.

3. Your advice was good. I wasn't attacking that, just pointing out the irony. Why so defensive?

(sigh) What is it about the internet that makes people act like such wierdos?

Posted on Nov 9, 2009, 4:02:05 PM PST
wild guess.... you go to university of oregon!

i graduated there and you explained the place exactly. anyways... from the girls iv dated and know, they all have this "thing" for black guys. probably because in these types of places... your rare. use it to your advantage! or you can lie and tell them your on the football team. when i was going to school i saw these two girls go up to a huge black guy and ask him if he was on the football team, and he looked at them, shook his head and said no. i actually took it to heart, how blatantly stereotypical of oregonians.

at most times in a place like this you actually have an advantage... your like the forbidden fruit because in a place like this, the chances are that their parents would "act" like they didnt care if you dated them when in fact they would and the girl interested KNOWS this.

your forbidden... think about it.

Posted on Apr 5, 2010, 1:44:37 PM PDT
Why bother? stick to your own...

Posted on Sep 18, 2010, 8:11:28 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 18, 2010, 8:25:35 PM PDT
fairlind says:
Forget your "game." Ask girls in your class to study with you. Make sure you pick a public place on campus where they'll feel safe. Be a friend. You sound like a decent, intelligent guy, so just relax. Don't pretend anything, and please don't listen to the guy suggesting that you swagger.

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 23, 2010, 6:37:16 PM PDT
thames says:
fair enough fairlind. You speak for all women.

Posted on Sep 24, 2010, 6:53:45 PM PDT
fairlind says:
I wouldn't presume, 2 cents. And I didn't mean to offend. I can't dismiss the possibility that some women like mannerisms, but I haven't met them. I just want Ceasar to have a shot at dating at what he describes as a mostly white college. Having attended two universities, both mostly white, one in the West and the other in the South, I hope I have some clue about what is considered desirable dating behavior in those settings.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 30, 2010, 8:54:49 PM PDT
A. Tomsho says:
Being in that setting doesn't actually mean you understand attraction mechanisms. If you act like a woman's friend, she will disqualify you as boyfriend material.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 30, 2010, 10:54:22 PM PDT
thames says:
This is like a wise saying from Epictetus or an aphorism penned by Montaigne or Emerson:

"If you act like a woman's friend, she will disqualify you as boyfriend material."

Timeless wisdom and what puzzles me is why so many of the fairer sex cannot comprehend it!

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2010, 8:22:10 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Nov 1, 2010, 8:23:23 PM PDT
fairlind says:
I don't know how that myth keeps getting passed around, Tomsho. I wasn't suggesting that Ceasar hang around a woman he likes for an extended period of time without asking her out. I was contradicting someone else's advice that he "swagger." My point is that friendly behavior is more attractive that posturing.
Regardless, women don't reject attractive, attentive men once they become friends. They reject friends they are not attracted to. And sometimes friendships flush out incompatibilities, which in my book is a good thing, and the very reason for becoming friends first.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2010, 8:53:33 PM PDT
fairlind says:
2 cents, we can't comprehend it because we know what works for us. I can't tell you how hard I tried to seduce some of my male friends, some successfully, some not. I believe that the myth about friendships arose because some male friends were rejected, for a variety of reasons, and blamed the friendship factor. We like to forget the chemistry and personality factors because we can't control them. I can't speak for all women, of course, but Epictetus notwithstanding, friendships worked for me and for a lot of the women in my life.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 20, 2010, 11:19:45 PM PST
A. Tomsho says:
I understand the desire for "friends first" and have nothing against it. But if a guy is interested, he needs to send some signals. If he doesn't, then you'll most likely end up figuring he's not interested in you that way and move on. Then by the time he does get his act together and send the signals, it's too late. I'm not just blowing smoke here. This is what happens to a lot of guys. They act like a woman's girlfriend instead of like a man. Regardless of how much swagger or lack thereof you prefer in a man, you still aren't going to date a guy who acts like a girlfriend. This isn't "blaming the friendship factor," this is simple cause and effect.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 21, 2010, 1:44:56 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Nov 21, 2010, 1:46:15 AM PST
fairlind says:
Ok, going girlfriend IS a little much. A nice, warm, fuzzy, protective male friend is what does it for me. He can send signals - a touch on the hand here and there, an arm around my shoulder as he steers me out of traffic. But nothing even remotely sexual until I send signals of my own, hear? No bawdy jokes, nothing. Or I'm out of there.
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Initial post:  Sep 17, 2008
Latest post:  Nov 21, 2010

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