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When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse Paperback – March 1, 2005
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From Publishers Weekly
Nearly three-quarters of women who are chronically mistreated by their partners have children. In this sensitive, respectful book, counselor, speaker, trainer and activist Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) gives those women ways to help their children heal from the pain of seeing such abuse. Using anecdotes, Q&As, bulleted "points to remember" and a caring but firm tone, Bancroft tells abused mothers exactly what actions they should take to help their children. Dont blame children (or yourself), he says, and let children know its good to talk about the verbal or physical abuse theyve been exposed to. Bancroft coaches moms to tell their children abuse is wrong, but warns them not to criticize the abuser as a person if he is a father-figure to the children. Bancrofts important book addresses peripheral issues, too, such as the effects of separation and divorce, and dealing with child protective services and the family court system.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Bancroft draws on 16 years of counseling men who abuse women and as a custody evaluator and child-abuse investigator to offer sound advice to women who are abused by their partners and are concerned about the impact on their children. Without judging women in abusive situations, Bancroft emphasizes that they are in the best position to help their children heal after witnessing abuse. She begins by describing how children view abuse from verbal put-downs of their mother to physical abuse and how their conflict and confusion manifest in a range of symptoms from sleeping and eating disorders to underperformance in school. She ends each chapter with action guidelines for women called "What Can I Do?" Bancroft analyzes the pros and cons of deciding whether to stay with or leave an abusive partner and offers coping strategies that include teaching children to be open about their feelings and devising a "safety plan" of escape if necessary. She also offers advice on choosing therapists and support groups, and practical skills for rebuilding the family. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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I was reading this book recently and my 8yo son glanced at a couple of paragraphs over my shoulder and said, "This is about my dad, isn't it?" The style is direct enough for him to recognize what it was for, and it turned out to be incredibly helpful for both of us to recover from years of verbal abuse and manipulation. I heartily recommend reading this book as a companion volume to Why Does He Do That, also by Lundy Bancroft. They make for extremely illuminating and cathartic reading, and serve as wonderful and necessary reminders that the victims are just that -- the abusers make the conscious choices that shape the relationship in a negative way.