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When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along Paperback – August 26, 2008
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
“Joshua Coleman’s book is a gift, offering extraordinary wisdom coupled with practical advice.” (Steven Mintz, Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences and author of Huck's Raft: A History of American Childhood)
“An especially healing, practical resource. . .for anyone exhausted by strained, hurtful relationships with their adolescent or grown child.” (--Dr. Linda Nielsen, Professor of Adolescent Psychology & Women's Studies, Wake Forest University and author of Embracing Your Father: Building the Relationship You Always Wanted With Your Dad)
“I LOVE this book. [It] is written from such a realistic and compassionate perspective that it is heart-warming.” (Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large, Psychology Today; author of A Nation of Wimps)
“Exceptionally perceptive.” (--Stephanie Coontz, Author of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage and The Way We Never Were)
“A superb treatment...a unique and groundbreaking approach...an eyeopening read for anyone.” (Library Journal (starred review))
“Coleman’s focus is on helping the parent cope and carry on...an engaging read despite the serious subject matter.” (Publishers Weekly)
“An important book that can help parents heal.” (Baltimore Sun)
“. . .desperately needed. . . a truly great book for parents, and a great book for therapists who work with families.” (--Heather Folsom, M.D., author and adult and child psychiatrist)
“This is an incredibly insightful and sensitively written analysis of a difficult subject. . . .I have recommended it to many of my clients. . . I highly recommend it to all parents who hurt.” (--Jan Levine, Ph.D., co-author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?)
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Top Customer Reviews
I have a large selection of books on the subject of family estrangement. Some are written by parents. Some by mental health professionals who have also experienced estrangement. Some by people who just think they know what they are talking about and that they are qualified, for some reason, to give advice.
I think that Joshua Coleman's book, When Parents Hurt, is the most compassionate, the most understanding, and the wisest book on the topic of conflict and estrangement between parents and grown children. He covers many contributing factors to estrangement including differences in personality, overinvolvement by parents, perfectionism, mental illness, divorce, family history.
He covers more ground than any other book on this topic that I have read. He does so in a kind and compassionate way, attempting not to point fingers. He offers suggestions to parents for ways to communicate that might lead to resolution. Although the suggestions that he offers would be most helpful to those who are still able to communicate with each other.Read more ›
In "When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along" (312 pages), author (and well-known psychologist) Joshua Coleman addresses many different scenarios with the general theme of older and grown kids not getting along with their parents, whether married or divorced, and how to deal with that. As the author notes: "While there are thousands of books telling you how to better raise your children there are none written on a topic that is just as important: healing the wounds of the parent. If this is your goal, this book is written for you." That sold me on the book, right then and there. The author does a superb job in setting the table, dissecting the different types of parents (authoritarian; permissive; authoritative). One of the things that resonated well with me as I was reading the book is that the author sprinkles the book with real-life examples from his practice, providing insight on what he reasonably could have said but how that would have been counter-productive in that particular situation.
Very interesting are the author's observations regarding the lengthening of adolescence in today's society ("65% of men reached adulthood by the age of 30, while only 31% od men had by 2000"), and the profound effects on parents-cids relationships, such as extending the need to "rebel" into mid-to-late twenties. "Why? Because your adult child is still working on separating from you. It's love, not hate, that causes her to mistreat you. Now, don't you feel better?" observes the author dryly.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
It never occurred to me that I would be so disconnected from my child. The sense of loss and failure is sometimes overwhelming. Luckily, I happened across Dr. Coleman's book. Read morePublished 21 days ago by Family Guy
This book really helped me understand the dynamic between me and my kids and kept me trying thru the hard period which eased a the kids grew. I would highly recommend it.Published 22 days ago by Amazon Customer
Although this may be useful to first-time around readers of self help, this author has nothing new to add to an already overcrowded field. He is also dated by now(2016). Read morePublished 25 days ago by Wordsmith
Wonderful insights, with touches of empathic humor just when you need them. Dr. Coleman is awesome!Published 29 days ago by Linda McWilliams
It was a slow read for me. I am in social work and read many text/ self help books. The content is appropriate I just had a bit of trouble staying focused but that could just be my... Read morePublished 1 month ago by BarbaraJ358
Those of us who have been estranged by an adult child are so devastated-- they can't usually find anyone capable or knowledgeable enough to give them any reasons or comfort for the... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Deborah Finnegan
NOT A BOOK FOR PARENTS OF ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN. There is only one chapter in the back of the book devoted to adult children. The title page is sorely misleading. Read morePublished 1 month ago by ChgoGuy