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When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along Paperback – August 26, 2008
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“Joshua Coleman’s book is a gift, offering extraordinary wisdom coupled with practical advice.” -- Steven Mintz, Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences and author of Huck's Raft: A History of American Childhood
“An especially healing, practical resource. . .for anyone exhausted by strained, hurtful relationships with their adolescent or grown child.” -- --Dr. Linda Nielsen, Professor of Adolescent Psychology & Women's Studies, Wake Forest University and author of Embracing Your Father: Building the Relationship You Always Wanted With Your Dad
“I LOVE this book. [It] is written from such a realistic and compassionate perspective that it is heart-warming.” -- Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large, Psychology Today; author of A Nation of Wimps
“Exceptionally perceptive.” -- --Stephanie Coontz, Author of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage and The Way We Never Were
“A superb treatment...a unique and groundbreaking approach...an eyeopening read for anyone.” -- Library Journal (starred review)
“Coleman’s focus is on helping the parent cope and carry on...an engaging read despite the serious subject matter.” -- Publishers Weekly
“An important book that can help parents heal.” -- Baltimore Sun
“. . .desperately needed. . . a truly great book for parents, and a great book for therapists who work with families.” -- --Heather Folsom, M.D., author and adult and child psychiatrist
“This is an incredibly insightful and sensitively written analysis of a difficult subject. . . .I have recommended it to many of my clients. . . I highly recommend it to all parents who hurt.” -- --Jan Levine, Ph.D., co-author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?
From the Back Cover
In When Parents Hurt, psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., offers insight, empathy, and perspective to those who have lost the opportunity to be the parent they desperately wanted to be and who are mourning the loss of a harmonious relationship with their child. Through case examples and healing exercises, Dr. Coleman helps parents:
- Reduce anger, guilt, and shame
- Learn how temperament, the teen years, their own or a partner's mistakes, and divorce can strain the parent-child bond
- Come to terms with their own and their child's imperfections
- Develop strategies for rebuilding the relationship or move toward acceptance of what can't be changed
By helping parents recognize what they can do and let go of what they cannot, Dr. Coleman helps families develop more positive ways of healing themselves and relating to each other.
- ASIN : 0061148431
- Publisher : William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (August 26, 2008)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 320 pages
- Item Weight : 8.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.31 x 0.72 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #100,214 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Top reviews from the United States
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If you don't want to be that bitter, old woman or man, sitting in a chair all alone someday in your 80's because you protected your ego over everything possible then I suggest you read this book. It helped me feel so much better about my future and letting her go and leaving her choices to her. But also not to be continually abused by an adult child and to find your life. Remember we all had a life before we had them, right?!!
Being a parent was my job for so long and ingrained in me so has been very difficult to change, and very painful. I have had moments of complete bawling and crying out, to just tearing up in conversations with friends. It's Christmas time while I write this, and while shopping for groceries I had to stop in the aisle, plug my ears for several minutes as a Celine Dion Christmas song came on overhead that was my daughter's and I favorite Christmas song. People probably thought I was off, but if I unplugged my ears for a second I would bawl. More than half my hair has fallen out from the original shock of losing her. It truly is very much like a death and you very much go through the same grief if not worse because you know they are still out there and don't want anything to do with you. She was the lucky one getting out of this home where I am stuck with all the memories of the past 22 years. The property was literally built around her as she grew up and everything a memory.
I truly enjoyed raising my daughter and wallowed in every moment. She and I were extremely close and never would've thought this could happen in a million years. But at the same I was overwhelmed and my marriage had issues and there where times where my stress resulted in anger and yelling between my husband and I and of course the daughter caught in the dysfunction. You just have to recognize no one is perfect nor the perfect parent. This book will explain this to you.
I am still not reconnected completely with my daughter, we've seen each other a few times, some of it good, some of it went bad. She is living with the guy, but this book has given me ideas and a plan to fight for her and have her in my life again. To accept. To live for myself. I don't want to be that old lady in a chair petting a cat as my only company. I want my daughter in my life and will do what it takes to atleast try.. Thank you Dr. Coleman for this book. I wish you had more reading materials to buy here. This book is brilliant and you have so much to offer all of us!
Update on 10/10/2017: After writing the amends letter that Dr. Coleman advises estranged parents to write, and after following ALL of Dr. Coleman's advice that I gleaned from this book that I reread many times and his webinars that I reviewed over and over, my child is back! I am so grateful to Dr. Coleman for helping us estranged parents. He even generously offers weekly webinars that are free to all. I still attend his webinars and reread this book because my relationship with my child is a work in progress, one that I know I will work on for the rest of my life. What I have learned also helps my relationship with my other child. Thank you so much, Dr. Coleman!
The author then states in the same paragraph how he has counseled many adult children and how he has helped some of the children to craft letter (like the woman and received from her daughter) or supported the child in in cutting off contact with a mother, father or both.
Very disappointed in the book, it appears the author is just covering all bases regardless of whom he hurts just to make money.
Top reviews from other countries
Contains good advice if the parents actually want to improve a situation.
There has to be accountability on both sides for this to happen. We are all human and not perfect, we all make mistakes.