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When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You: Finding God's Patterns for Healthy Relationships Paperback – March 1, 2004

4.3 out of 5 stars 34 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Excellent Book! God really used this book to affirm so many healthy choices I've made. I appreciate Dr. Hawkins' honesty, openness, and insight. He's unmatched as a Christian psychologist. I can't say enough good about all of Dr. Hawkins' books!"
Debra White Smith, bestselling author of the Austin series and What Jane Austin Taught Me About Love and Romance

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

About the Author

With more than 35 years of counseling experience, David Hawkins, PhD, has a special interest in helping individuals and couples strengthen their relationships. Dr. Hawkins’ books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You and Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life, have more than 350,000 copies in print.

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (March 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0736912320
  • ISBN-13: 978-0736912327
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,257,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I recently found out (at age 46) I am codependent. This has shaken my world. This book was extremely helpful. It gives a thorough description of the symptoms of codependency and why it develops. It also gives the reader hope that life can (and will) be different in the future. I especially appreciated the Christian viewpoint and the fact that it didn't assume an alcoholic problem in the family is the cause. Many other situations can cause a child to grow up codependent. It is very readable and other members of the family who live with the codependent will benefit from reading it as well.
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Format: Paperback
Maybe for those who do not struggle with issues of co-dependency this book may seem like a blame game as in the review above. But for me it was a major eye opener and helped my life make sense.

It has helped to give me permission to take responsiblity to make the changes that I need to make. It has helped untwist many lies I have believed and opened my eyes to areas of my life that I could not see. As with any book or issue it is just one piece, a tool to be used in the healing process. I recommend it highly.
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Format: Paperback
This book was recommended by a friend who thought it might be helpful. It has changed the way I see things, and most important, has helped me take much better care of myself. I am working my way out of codependence, a problem I've had much of my life. I'm learning how to set healthy boundaries, and this helps me be a better friend to others. I highly recommend this book to anyone trying to learn to set healthy boundaries for themselves.
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Format: Paperback
Until this book I didnt even realize I was a people pleaser, just knew the back cover had some substance and points for my life. Then I bought it and read it and it changed my life! I went from worrying over everything and everyone. Worrying over how others felt even if I was right to stand up for myself to being a stronger woman. Men really will fill the voids in our emotional life! This book teaches you where you learned it, what caused it and how to eliminate the issues. Go Women! And it said some MEN are people pleasers too! Just about every emotional issue I had was linked some way to this! I feel great now! Most importantly, I understand completely.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Granted, I'm only 1/2 way finished, but within the first 2 chapters I was making some SERIOUS life/attitude/perception changes. I like being a giver, someone EVERYone can depend on (including myself). I tend to think, "At some point in time these people will come around and be there for me, too!" But often times, at the end of the day I just feel spent. Too tired for anyone, including my self. This book has helped me gain a clearer Godly perspective on the people in my life, recognizing patterns that are both healthy & unhealthy, and I've learned how to begin a healthy change so at the end of the day I feel I've done well for myself, as well.

If you are the kind of person who tends to depend on others, I would like to recomend this book to you, as well so that you may see how your needyness and co-dependancy effects those who care for you.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Book with great insight into how some of us take on pleasing personalities which cause stress in our lives. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to discover the personality in themselves and work to change it.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book has been life changing for me. I am thoroughly enjoying this book and it has made me look at life completely different. My relationships will never be the same after the knowledge I have gained from reading this book. I recommend this book to people of all ages that want to have healthier relationships.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book help strengthen my back bone so to speak when it came to family members and saying no to a lot of stuff. If you are having trouble finding your voice and saying no to friends or family members, this would be a good book to read. It helped me out a lot.
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