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When I Say No, I Feel Guilty Mass Market Paperback – February 1, 1975
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The examples used in the book are lengthy and repetitive. This is good because the redundancy of it programmed my mind to look for examples of those instances in my own life where I could apply the concepts of the book. A light bulb began going off in my mind when I'd experience an opportunity to try out one of the techniques described in the book. Over time, it has helped change my attitude and approach toward aggressive and manipulative people.
The book gives concrete techniques for applying in your everyday conversations: BROKEN RECORD, FOGGING, FREE INFORMATION, NEGATIVE ASSERTION, WORKABLE COMPROMISE, NEGATIVE INQUIRY. I began using them, and they do work! I occasionally go back and re-read chapters because it does take practice... but eventually it becomes more second nature and your confidence level builds as a result.
It is painfully obvious that this book was written in the 70s, with the male author using phraseology and examples that are misogynistic, self-congratulatory, racially charged, patriarchal, and bigoted. In a way, it is good to see how far we have come since the Civil Rights movement, but I really wish someone would publish an updated edition of this text that uses relevant, objective examples that do not detract from the overall purpose of the text. Personally, found it very annoying to waste so much time prodding through excessive ego-driven banter to find the nuggets of useful information. I wouldn't have kept going if the nuggets hadn't been so needed and useful. If you want an example, just look at the so-called Table of Contents. It's more like a glossary or appendix that provides a cluttered description of every chapter rather than just a simple chapter name and page number. I can take my own notes, thank you... and I prefer the appendix to be at the end of the book.
Fun fact: The author mentions sex so much in the book that I actually began playing a game to see if I could read through more than two pages with out seeing a reference to sex. The answer is no.
If you can tolerate the author's voice long enough to get through this book, it is admittedly very useful.
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That said, the information in it is very good, and there doesn't seem to be better on this subject out there, so I would say, get the book - and then somebody, please rewrite it for a modern eye!
I particularly found the fogging technique and the negative assertion technique useful; the section on job interviews was also very helpful.
I have given this book four stars as opposed to five because I felt the dialogues dragged it bit. But saying this, I do feel it drove the message home.
It was a bit old fashioned as it was written in the seventies, but all of the lessons can be applied to modern day life.
coupled with insightful, simple to understand and easy to practice techniques
to combat this failing and deal successfully with manipulative characters in everyday situations.
Well worth the money because it offers a life changing and life affirming
set of learnable techniques that in my opinion definitely work and are proven to do so.
For all this it is also a very fun and pleasant read.
A must have reference book for the genuine and kind amongst us to have in our armour.
Like most people, I have had to deal with manipulative people both at work and in the family.
This book is fantastic and an eye opener, and humorous in places too...
If you want to feel in control of your life, buy this book