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When Someone You Love is Kinky Paperback – September 15, 2000
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When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support.
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Sadly, what I *really* wanted from this book was more emphasis on romantic partners. That to me is kinda? what the title implies, and what I wanted to get out of reading it. I remember the confusion and scariness and "wtf am I even doing anyway" stuff that happened when my partner admitted to me that he was extremely kinky, and THAT was what I wanted this book to emphasize. It's mentioned in brief, and I appreciate that, but I wanted more on the "okay so my partner is kinky and I am willing to try being kinky also... now what? do I just go buy some leather pants?" question. That seems to be a pretty common problem, and one that existing literature frequently stinks at addressing. (Most "baby" BDSM literature is focused on "I have a kink, how can I act on it" rather than "my partner has a kink, how do I figure out how to incorporate that.")
I didn't really go for the "Dear ___" letters, either. At first because they were done as images and not pull-quotes, so in the Kindle version, they're very hard to read. Then, when I could actually read them, I just got annoyed. The person who got harassed at work for writing kinky emails to their Dominant on their work computer? I am sorry that happened. It sucks that your boss is a jerk. But why on earth were you writing (again) kinky emails to your Dominant on your work computer? That's... not really sympathy-inducing, at least to me, and it sure ain't helping with the idea that us kinksters are all-encompassing perverts who are incapable of NOT being perverts when it's neither necessary nor appropriate.
I found the round about way they approach some of the subjects bothersome. There are several areas that, as someone with extensive experience in these activities, I found evasive or poorly informed enough to consider not give the book.
If you are more than 50 shades style kinky, read this book before you give it to a loved one. Depending on how they read this, it may not actually help.
These girls have been an invaluable tool in my relationship! Fantastic buy.
The only reason I did not give it 5 stars is because in one chapter it describes a rape play sceen. This is the only part that made me scared to give it to my parents. I knew this would be too out there for them to handle.
I just wish the author had chose. A different scene for that chapter.
Most recent customer reviews
one must have a heckofa lot of trust to reveal this to another
person, and they give practical solutions...Read more