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When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics) Paperback – September 26, 2000

by Pema Chodron (Author)

1,027 customer reviews

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The beautiful practicality of her teaching has made Pema Chödrön one of the most beloved of contemporary American spiritual authors among Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike. A collection of talks she gave between 1987 and 1994, the book is a treasury of wisdom for going on living when we are overcome by pain and difficulties. Chödrön discusses:

   • Using painful emotions to cultivate wisdom, compassion, and courage
   • Communicating so as to encourage others to open up rather than shut down
   • Practices for reversing habitual patterns
   • Methods for working with chaotic situations
   • Ways for creating effective social action

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Editorial Reviews

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"Pema Chodron is one of those spiritual teachers who brings ancient wisdom to bear upon our daily triumphs and tragedies. . . . Incredibly wise and poignantly practical."—Spirituality & Health

"Chödrön's book is filled with useful advice about how Buddhism helps readers to cope with the grim realities of modern life, including fear, despair, rage and the feeling that we are not in control of our lives . . . Chödrön demonstrates how effective the Buddhist point of view can be in bringing order into disordered lives."—Publishers Weekly

"This is a book that could serve you for a lifetime."—Natural Health

"As one of Pema Chödrön's grateful students, I have been learning the most pressing and necessary lesson of all: how to keep opening wider my own heart."—Alice Walker

About the Author

Pema Chödrön is an American Buddhist nun in the lineage of Chögyam Trungpa. She is resident teacher at Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia, the first Tibetan monastery in North America established for Westerners. She is the author of many books and audiobooks, including the best-selling When Things Fall Apart and Don't Bite the Hook.

Series: Shambhala Classics
Paperback: 148 pages
Publisher: Shambhala (September 26, 2000)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1570623449
ISBN-13: 978-1570623448
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 1,027 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #87,766 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #137 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Philosophy > Eastern > Buddhism > Tibetan
- #1011 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Alternative Medicine > Meditation
- #3132 in Books > Self-Help > Personal Transformation

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Ray F

Caught my eye when things were falling apart for me

April 24, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This book’s title caught my eye at a time when I felt like things were falling apart for me. I’ve long been open to the teachings of Buddhism and so I thought I might find some insight, even comfort, in Ms Chodron’s words.

And I did, but this is not a “hand-holding,” “feel good” book. It’s blunt in its view of life as, I suppose, Buddhism tends to be. The feel of the whole was, to me, “suck it up and soldier on.” But do so with the insights of Buddhism and an enlightened point-of-view. And so when facing one of those inevitable times when we are losing it all, we can find an understanding of what we’re feeling when Ms Chodron says:

"We react against the possibility of loneliness, of death, of not having anything to hold on to. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth."

She illustrates this by describing a pivotal moment in her life when things fell apart. In her youth, her husband left her and she felt that loss of her whole world with anger and fear. But out of that experience she found Buddhism, a new life and a new vocation. She eventually became thankful for the experience, and that is a major theme of the book—the idea that life is all beginnings and endings. If we can understand that, and accept it, we can go a long way in coping with the bad times.

Fear is what we’re trying to cope with in those bad times. As she stated in the above quote, we are afraid of loneliness, death, and aimlessness. She asks us to understand that at the start of the book, and then goes on to offer insight to help us deal with it. She states what her whole book is about when she says:

"What we’re talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear, looking it right in the eye—not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking."

I could go on and on with such quotes—there are so many quotable passages in this book. Also ideas that have helped me. Such as that things are just not what we think they are; we really don’t know anything and so we must be careful in our judgments, even judgments as to what is good and what is bad (see chapter 1). Because we never know how things will turn out.

When in emotional pain, people tend to return to those places they’ve found comfort in the past. There are times, though, when those places fail us, or don’t offer enough comfort. If you’re at such a place, then this book might be of help. It is likely to be, if you can understand and accept the basic cause of our unhappiness according to Buddhism. Ms Chodron states it as:

"Thinking that we can find some lasting pleasure and avoid pain is what in Buddhism is called samsara, a hopeless cycle that goes round and round endlessly and causes us to suffer greatly."

From there, you can go on to find out what you can do in your life to address samsara. And if you can find, ironically, that chasing happiness does not bring happiness, and running from pain does not eliminate pain, then you’ll be at a point where this book can help.

163 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

and loved it so much i bought a copy for my ...

February 3, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book is incredible. I purchased it for a mindfulness course, and loved it so much i bought a copy for my sister in law. Very helpful for anyone suffering with perfectionism, anxiety, or trauma. it's definitely a book that goes well with meditative practices!

18 people found this helpful

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Michele in Cincy

This Is A Must Have Book!

November 11, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

All of us face really hard times if we are alive and love lots of people. I love this book and give it as gifts when I know people are going through tough times. Pema Chodron has the unique ability to write in a way that you feel like a loving friend is giving you really solid, helpful, kind advice that is accessible. Her wise counsel and perspective throughs you a life jacket when you think you are going to drown. I read this book the first time when I was going through my divorce and read parts of it again when I lost my daughter to cancer. It is a book you will be glad to have and glad to give.

40 people found this helpful

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C. Duvall

I am very grateful for this book

January 11, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Spot on the best book I've come across regarding shifting the mind around physical "inconveniences" or worse. I'm surprised that many around me have also read this but never shared it! I've been very vocal about how much this is helping me cope with life post cancer treatment!

15 people found this helpful

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Mel

Life changing

September 15, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This book encouraged me to make some very positive changes in my life. However, I felt like halfway through the book, Pema forgot about the topic or ran out of content and focused on meditation for the last half. I was so disappointed. There were sections in the first few chapters that I underlined, but then I skimmed the last half.

8 people found this helpful

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Rick (Indiana)

Heals the Heart

December 31, 2017

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

Heals the Heart. I highly recommend the writings of Pema Chodron. When Things Fall Apart, speaks to the hurt, wounded or broken parts of us, helping each of us to be at peace as we heal.

8 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

One of the kindest books I have ever read

November 5, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This book saved my life. I was already meditating when a friend turned me onto it. I read the first chapter and stopped. I reread the first chapter and that is how I went through the book the first time. Each chapter twice. I have read this book 3 or 4 times since ! Pema's message of loving-kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others is pure love. And a gift to us all.

A little further on down the road I hit a wall in my life, my practice, my everything. Complete anxiety meltdown that rendered me almost incapacitated . Almost commit-able. I kept coming back to this book and looking for the courage to "Lean into the sharp edges" as she writes. Her writings gave me the strength to get through very difficult times and learn to hold myself dear . In turn I have now been able to share my experience with others suffering as I did and Pema's direct teaching from this book I do my best to share with others.

Buddhist or not, this book is is one of the best ive read. I reading it again now.....

25 people found this helpful

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Mrs Spencer

Great content. Lousy title. Pity.

January 12, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

The title of this book is so ridiculously deceptive; this is a philosophical approach to life in general, it isn't a 'how to' on how to recover from catastrophe. I find the writer somewhat hard to tune into, but her knowledge of Buddhism combined with a modern zen acceptance of our modern day struggles makes her worthwhile. I got a lot out of this book in terms of changing my perspective towards setbacks in life. I would recommend to anyone searching for a deeper understanding of their own behavior. Ignore the title and cut to the content. One of the more pragmatic approaches to reaching spiritual peace, without the new-age sensationalism that most pop-self-help books contain.

12 people found this helpful

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Most recent customer reviews

William McDonald

Five Stars

piece o' cake! no problems whatsoever! thx!

Published 11 days ago

Sunshinegarden

Wise words

Beautiful book with heartfelt wisdom.

Published 21 days ago

kelly hutt

Four Stars

A bit repetitive but overall a great read. Love it!

Published 26 days ago

Jessica

Three Stars

Poor binding quality - the width of the pages were all different

Published 28 days ago

Tracy

Pema is truly a beautiful teacher

This book is stained with tea, salt water, and so many pen markings from always being by my side. It’s an icredible book...Read more

Published 28 days ago

laura b.

Four Stars

Words of wisdom to achieve inner peace and navigate the world.

Published 1 month ago

Amy E. Schneider

Four Stars

Love it

Published 1 month ago

CarMemm

So practical and true!

Lovely teachings for everyday life. It's simpler than we make it yet understandably difficult at times. Such beautiful, compassionate words.

Published 1 month ago

Dega

Two Stars

I found the writing incomprehensible.

Published 1 month ago

CinephileErb

I could not really get into this book. I ...

I could not really get into this book. I bought it because I was going through a difficult time. It seemed to be speaking over my head when I was looking for words of comfort.

Published 1 month ago

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