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When a Woman You Love Was Abused: A Husband's Guide to Helping Her Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation Paperback – July 23, 2012
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About the Author
Dawn Scott Jones is a survivor who has been sharing her testimony for more than twenty years. Her past challenges have deepened and enriched her ministry, enabling her to truly understand and relate to what others are going through. Dawn is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God and has served in a variety of leadership and ministry roles. A national speaker, consultant, and the creator of numerous audio teaching products, Dawn lives in Michigan.
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My critique and concern with the book is that it has some gaping holes in it that are troubling. I would have felt much better if the author's first husband of 27 years could have had a chapter. She describes him fairly and without malice, but his voice and his pain in a book like this could be powerful and only made her case stronger. If her first husband was not available, a chapter with a husband's voice/input would make this book amazing.
My second concern is that it seems to lift key ideas, concepts, and lists from a better book called Allies in Healing by Laura Davis. I bought that book alongside this one and thought a lot of this book seemed to be gathered from Allies.
I don't think the book adequately addresses the women who are uncertain about whether they have been abused but seem to go through life either emotionally or socially disabled because SOMETHING is back there.
Admittedly, I REALLY struggled with the author's sentiment that 22 months after her first husband said, "I can't do this anymore", she met her dream man or love of her life. As much as I cannot even begin to imagine the horror that a survivor has gone through (and goes through) this is a book FOR husbands who are in the thick of their spouse's battle. I can't reconcile with that. That happy ending to the story caused me to question whether the author "really gets" what this is like for a husband of a spouse with abuse in her history.
This book has potential; but what it needs is the voice of a husband's experience.
This book advocates for abusers to be "forgiven" and not to be criminally prosecuted. This is absolutely horrible! Abusers should be prosecuted and punished. Period. The whole premise of this book culminates in the worst possible advice for a victim or for a victim's partner.
The author goes on and on about how she "forgave" her abusive father and how supposedly a victim of abuse cannot be "fully" healed until they've "forgiven" the abuser(s). This is completely false. It's very damaging for victims of abuse to be told they can't be healed without this bogus Christianized ideal of "forgiveness". The author of this book is perpetuating the control of the abuser and the damage of the abuse by letting the perpetrator off with no prosecution and no negative consequences for their actions, and by putting the responsibility for resolution of the situation onto the victim, who supposedly has a responsibility to "forgive" the person who abused them. It's absolute hogwash! It's appalling.
This kind of thinking is why abuse remains pervasive in our culture. As long as there are no negative consequences for perpetrators, they will KEEP DOING IT.
If you are the spouse of a victim of abuse, try Allies in Healing. It's much more balanced and more sensitive to different types of lifestyles and religions.