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Harriet B. Braiker

Who's Pulling Your Strings?: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life Paperback – Bargain Price, September 12, 2004

by Harriet Braiker (Author)

435 ratings

Part of: NTC SELF-HELP (22 books)

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A powerful program to stop manipulators in their tracks

In Who's Pulling Your Strings?, Dr. Harriet B. Braiker, New York Times bestselling author of The Disease to Please, explains how depression, low self-esteem, anger, and feelings of helplessness can be caused by relationships with manipulative people. She exposes the most common methods of manipulators, and with the help of selfassessment quizzes, action plans, and how-to exercises, she helps you recognize and end the manipulative cycle for good.

Print length

256 pages
Language

English
Publisher

McGraw-Hill
Publication date

September 12, 2004
Dimensions

6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

0071446729
ISBN-13

978-0071446723
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"She helps readers recognize manipulation, and assess and reduce their own vulnerability, and teaches resistance tactics to use when faced with manipulation."

From the Publisher

Dr. Harriet B. Braiker wrote three successful, general-audience psychology books dealing primarily with women's issues, including the New York Times bestseller The Disease to Please.

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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill; 1st edition (September 12, 2004)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071446729
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071446723
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.04 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #104,021 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #337 in Deals in Books
- #791 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #1,147 in Self-Esteem (Books)

Customer Reviews:
435 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		74%
4 star		16%
3 star		8%
2 star		1%
1 star		2%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Gingerbread

I had to buy this book several times because when ...

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2018

Verified Purchase

I had to buy this book several times because when I lend it to someone they do not want to return it. This is a guide book on how to spot manipulation. You are probably saying not me but yes someone is always trying to manipulate you. This book does not teach you how to manipulate but rather identify and disable them. When a person manipulates it is for their self interest. They want to you to stop or to do something for their self interest. They guy I dated got me this book as a present because he said my boss was manipulating me and sure enough it was true and so was he. So basically he help me realize the manipulator he was by accident.

29 people found this helpful

Helpful

Susan M. Baumann

Genuinely Empowering

Reviewed in the United States on July 20, 2017

Verified Purchase

Excellent, useful book, but repetitive. Gives concrete information and examples to identify what manipulation is, the corrosive effects of what it does to relationships, and most importantly, how to stop it. The information is concise, specific, eye-opening, valuable and empowering. Great resource for people who are seeking more autonomy, authenticity and assertiveness in their lives. This is a worthwhile read for anyone, but it will be particularly beneficial to women. Culturally, as women, we are often socialized to be agreeable, accommodating and nice, subsuming our needs in favor of others. We are uniquely vulnerable to manipulators because we have been schooled by society and familial norms that seem to sanction these behaviors. For anyone on a journey of self-discovery looking for more personal freedom in their interactions, this book is a good place to start.

28 people found this helpful

Helpful

Lisa

Most helpful book for dealing with garden-variety manipulative people

Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2021

Verified Purchase

This is a really good book if you have someone in your life who is emotionally manipulative but not actually pathological/evil. Most books in this genre (gaslighting/narcissism/manipulation) are designed to help you recognize when someone is truly, relentlessly, and intentionally undermining you--and then leave. This book is for you if your mother makes you miserable with constant guilt trips or your husband throws temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. You will learn to recognize the tactics these people use and how to stand up to them and take care of yourself. Best book I've seen on this topic.

6 people found this helpful

Helpful

Jenny L. Kooiman

"This book saved my life"

Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2015

Verified Purchase

I didn't buy this book for me, but for my sister. She is in an abusive relationship and her husband is a master manipulator. I'm not talking about an occasional manipulator, but one that uses all those terrible tricks skillfully and with such ease that it is truly a part of their DNA. After talking to my sister about this book, because I was very nervous sending her something I had not read before...I was so excited to hear that this book was everything I hoped it would be for her. ((Thank you to all those that left reviews that helped me decide on this book!)) She said that this book 'saved her life'...it is helping her to see and understand when she is being manipulated and has given her some tools to help break it. I think she is finally realizing (after 7 years chronically believing that she would somehow make him a better person and the guilt trips he would give her further making her feel trapped) has succumbed to the reality that she CANNOT change him and that she truly has to work on herself and get herself stronger. Thank you Harriet Braiker for writing this book and from what I understand, making it easy to read and understand to the layperson.

47 people found this helpful

Helpful

Catie

First Self-help book I have read cover to cover

Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2013

Verified Purchase

This is the first self-help book I have read cover to cover and in only 2 and 1/2 days. Best book to help one over come the vicious cycle of manipulation. I really felt I was the only one going through something like this with a relative whom offered me a place to stay rent free so I could focus on school only to find myself taking medications to overcome the stress and anxiety this individual was causing me. When I confronted her the few times before I read this book, she would point the finger at me and tell me that I can only cause my own stress and anxiety and that I was the one who was sick. I started to believe these things and my personality changed over time, not to mention my self-esteem declined and I felt I was walking on eggshells. In only 2 1/2 days, all of my worries and beliefs that maybe I was the crazy one subsided. I am scared to death to confront this person and move out but I feel like I have so much more strength to actually do it and I feel like my old self is back and I am already much happier. Great read! It has true stories and scenarios and examples of how to confront the person and what to say and how to say it, as well as, the different types of manipulators you may encounter and there tactics...I will definitely recommend this book to others!

70 people found this helpful

Helpful

KB

Thank you for writing this book, it has helped me so much.

Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2015

Verified Purchase

I have been through therapy for years. I was in a marriage with a very manipulative person. I must still deal with this person because we have children together. I have been looking for help for years on how to deal with him. This book laid it all out. I know who he is, why he does what he does and most importantly how I can stop it from taking over my life. Thank you so much Harriet Brailker, you have helped me so much.

24 people found this helpful

Helpful

NU2this

Street Smarts 101

Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2018

Verified Purchase

This book should be called Street Smarts 101. I have read many a self help book in my day, but this is the first review I have written. Found this after ending a 10 year manipulative relationship, and didn’t Really pick it up again for another two years. I wish I had taken it seriously and stayed the course! Chapter 12 and chapter 13 will change your life! I have been using the 3 step process in the book to change your thinking and it works!
Listen people, you have a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing and you have a lot of manipulators out there and you CANNOT be walking around like a mark. People can and will exploit you if you let them. If you’re thinking about getting this book then I guarantee you’re already in a manipulator’ snare. Please don’t be like me and lose precious time to someone who will continue to take from you. Get it you won’t regret it!

9 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Pen

OK as an overview, weak on manipulative tactics

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 21, 2020

Verified Purchase

Braiker's book is intended to cover all the potential situations in which you might be manipulated. Despite the attempted scope, she writes that "Manipulation always boils down to the promise of a net gain and/or the threat of a net loss" (p 106). For me, this is an oversimplification of the topic and raises concerns about the extent to which the author really knows her topic. For instance, a narcissist might use manipulative language games to elevate themselves in relation to their audience. Where is the threat or promise? Unfortunately, this threat/promise lens is continued throughout the book, restricting her descriptions of the tactics manipulators use. In this area, she relies on 6 tactics described Buss et al (1987) - charm, silent treatment, coercion, reason, regression and debasement along with 5 general reinforcement patterns (positive, negative, intermittent, punishment and traumatic one-trial learning. Clearly, many more tactics have been documented elsewhere.
If the reader wants to get an overview of the topic manipulation, this might be the right book. However, if you feel your life partner might be manipulating you, I should read Mirza's "The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist" or Morningstar's "Out of the Fog" instead.

Braiker takes 18 pages to describe 9 personality types and disorders that are manipulative: Machiavellian, Narcissistic PD, Borderline PD, Dependent PD, Histrionic PD, Passive-Aggressive, Type-A, Antisocial PD and Addictive. For the general reader, I believe this is overkill and padding.

4 people found this helpful

Elfin

Best book on the subject : her 'unisex' book for all -both men and women ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 24, 2014

Verified Purchase

This book is the ultimate book on Manipulation - 'the label does match up with the contents' (subtitle) : How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation.
The summary does justice to the book (please read it and also read LOOK INSIDE).
In additions to all comments I would also like to mention that if you study Psychology at GCSE or A level and you don't quite get the Skinner Research / Laboratory Experiment / 'Cause and Effect' /Independent and Dependent variables -this book puts the research into context and you will understand the difference between '1 trial punishment' and the manipulative 'intermittent positive reinforcement' - the latter is more dangerous as it creates more anxiety as we don't know 'when and where' we are going to get 'punished'. People who are conditioned to this reinforcement 'are running on the wings of false hopes' and can be very damaging to overall health (including mental health).
Harriet Braiker is a clinical psychologist and she published many other 'female-friendly' books - but this one is 'unisex' -so I would recommend it to anyone who is at risk of being manipulated and find himself/herself in a cobweb and unable to find a viable way out...

12 people found this helpful

Sara

Thought provoking

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 13, 2014

Verified Purchase

I was expecting something revolutionary in this book, which was probably a little unrealistic. It was an interesting recap on assertiveness skills. I found the beginning a bit hopeless with the assertion that there was no hope for manipulators, like they were a special breed of people, rather than maybe people who had, with their 'marks' developed a rather dysfunctional way of relating to others. However, it became apparent that by changing your own behaviour it is possible to create a healthier relationship. I look forward to putting some of these techniques into practice.

5 people found this helpful

Clogs

An awesome read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 27, 2016

Verified Purchase

In one book, (almost) a complete toolkit for recognising the tactics of manipulators, realising why someone will be manipulated and ways to recover/fight back. All I wish is that the author had written a chapter specifically on what to anticipate in total extraction from manipulation scenarios and manipulators' red flag behaviours at such times.
Notwithstanding, I wholeheartedly give this book 5*.

5 people found this helpful

carron cox

It"s like a big weight has been lifted I know I'm ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 2, 2015

Verified Purchase

After years of manipulation by my mother and in various relationships , I decided to put things into perspective when I had two disastrous dates .After taking the test I realised how vulnerable I was , I learned about acceptance and not making excuses for the manipulators .It"s like a big weight has been lifted I know I'm not going mad and I'm definitely not mean like the manipulative people I've encountered.

8 people found this helpful

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