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Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism Paperback – August 7, 2003
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Frequently bought together
Drew Pinksy, M.D. A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time.
Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. coauthor of I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm.
About the Author
- Publisher : Free Press; 38025th edition (August 7, 2003)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 240 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0743214285
- ISBN-13 : 978-0743214285
- Item Weight : 6.9 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.44 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #64,794 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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Also, in the chapter about the aging narc, she doesn't emphasize the most important consideration. Going "no contact" should be very seriously considered by all of us ACONs (Adult Children of Narcissists), rather than allowing the guilt and manipulation to convince us to stick around and be abused. She suggests lying to ourselves and calling criticism "help" to make ourselves feel better about being abused. ???? No. Go "No Contact" as soon as you possibly can. For yourself, for your children, for society in general.
Finally, having been raised by two people who consider me to have no value beyond what they can get out of me, I strongly disagree with her views on self-esteem. She doesn't have the experience or understanding to "get" that a child of a narc (or 2 narcs) NEEDS to learn to value themselves regardless of our successes and performance. She believes that if a person succeeds in things, they will develop self-esteem. No. I have succeeded in many things over the years, with flying colors. I feel capable in those areas, but in no way did my self-esteem increase. My sense of value is only now increasing by basing my worth and value on the fact that I am a human being, lovingly created by God. I am not values for what I give and do, but for just being me. If you are a narc survivor, don't buy into the nonsense that doing more and doing it better will give you value or self-esteem. You are valuable just the way you are.
Second, it was a kind of unease, as I realized I had symptoms of both an enabler as well as of a narcissist (apparently many have at least a few symptoms of narcissism, but actual full-blown "narcissistic personality disorder" is somewhat rare), although there were excellent practical suggestions as to how to overcome them （as well as, interestingly, for how to coexist with narcissists).
Third, it was a kind of fascination--i was basically shocked at how parenting during the first 36 months of a child's life can affect how emotionally/mentally healthy and capable a person can be at age 30. I now want to study more about early child development. Seriously shocking--even more surprising is how many seemingly healthy kids come out of families not necessarily educated about this development period.
Fourth, i was (am) bound by a desperate question: is it possible for someone with strong narcissistic tendencies to recover? I.E.: is there hope!? If not, this may be one of the most depressing books I've read, as an American (where narcissism has been steadily on the rise). I'm desperate to know this answer, and have done research to try to find the authors email address to ask her!
One additional note: I deducted one star because, towards the end, the author vaguely draws a link between the decline of the prevalence of monotheistic "traditional" religion in American culture and the rise of narcissism, but does not provide sufficient (or any, really) argument for this link, nor does she provide reasonable cause to believe that a return to such religion would put narcissism on the decline (nor am I persuaded that is even her argument). As a direct result of this passage, her credibility took a big hit in my mind; thank goodness it was towards the end, and thank goodness the rest of it made so much sense. However, I now feel like I need to read more to validate what I learned in this book.
(My Goodreads review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1045305037?book_show_action=false)
Top reviews from other countries
I originally bought this book as I'd had problems with an ex which had dragged on for six years. I always suspected she had narcissistic tendencies. Which were confirmed by this book. The great revelation was, that so did I.
Many of the examples of self-entitlement and manipulation I had glossed over during the relationship. And managed to move most of the blame on to her (yes, typical narcissist thing to do as well).
What was also a surprise to learn, that different types of narcissist can be attracted to one another, and draw themselves in. Unable to get out, or get better.
I'm dropping a star from the review, as some parts of the book talk about a lack of a belief in God over the past decades as a reason for a rise in narcissism. I don't believe you are without morals if you are an atheist or that your are morally superior if you believe in God (we all know narcissists who manipulate religion and being 'good' to get their own way) so that's the reason for four stars instead of five.
I wish there were more books about treating narcissism as well (I know it must be a difficult subject and disorder to treat) But I think books like this are the first step in acknowledging you have a problem and trying to save your life from it. Especially in the current climate and culture of 'Me'. This book is also worth reading for the challenge to the 'Self Esteem' band wagon that has ruled in recent times, and the damage that this can to children growing up as well, when it was thought of as a cure to societies ills and problems.
It’s easy to read and understand, very useful and informative, I often read it over again as a refresher, the author is spot on!!!
your eyes opened i promise .