First off, there are some very good insights into why narcs do what they do. However, she continuously makes the erroneous assumption that they don't *realize* what they are doing. Not true. They know exactly what they are doing. It's intentional. Read "In Sheep's Clothing" by George Simon Jr to get a much more accurate understanding of what is happening behind the mask.
Also, in the chapter about the aging narc, she doesn't emphasize the most important consideration. Going "no contact" should be very seriously considered by all of us ACONs (Adult Children of Narcissists), rather than allowing the guilt and manipulation to convince us to stick around and be abused. She suggests lying to ourselves and calling criticism "help" to make ourselves feel better about being abused. ???? No. Go "No Contact" as soon as you possibly can. For yourself, for your children, for society in general.
Finally, having been raised by two people who consider me to have no value beyond what they can get out of me, I strongly disagree with her views on self-esteem. She doesn't have the experience or understanding to "get" that a child of a narc (or 2 narcs) NEEDS to learn to value themselves regardless of our successes and performance. She believes that if a person succeeds in things, they will develop self-esteem. No. I have succeeded in many things over the years, with flying colors. I feel capable in those areas, but in no way did my self-esteem increase. My sense of value is only now increasing by basing my worth and value on the fact that I am a human being, lovingly created by God. I am not values for what I give and do, but for just being me. If you are a narc survivor, don't buy into the nonsense that doing more and doing it better will give you value or self-esteem. You are valuable just the way you are.
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