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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
Prior to writing this book, Lundy Bancroft had been in the trenches for 15 years as a counselor in an abusive men's program. As a seasoned veteran of dealing with manipulative abusive individuals, Bancroft does an outstanding job of alerting the reader to their tactics and debunking common B.S. claims they make. His stories about his clients and the clients of colleagues are fascinating and provide poignant lessons for the reader. One woman had been in couple's counseling for 6 months with her husband and finally revealed that he was abusing her. Appearing on the verge of tears, the husband told the therapist that he had been in denial about his violence and hadn't been facing how badly it was hurting his wife.Read more ›
My counselor recommended it and finally, after lots of procrastination, I finally got it. And it makes me realize how strong I was to leave, and how lucky I was to get away. The emotional/psychological games, how I had to keep my opinions hidden and my feelings a secret just to be the fantasy girl he insisted that I be, the way he would just disregard my opinion about this and still does... it can make a girl feel so isolated, so bad about herself, and deep down...crazy! But this book showed me that not only am I NOT crazy, but that being imperfect is no reason to allow someone to do that to me. We're all imperfect, but we still all deserve better than this.Read more ›
I have read a number of books about abuse and control, and many of them are very good at deconstructing the dynamic between a controller and his victim. The difference for me is that many of those books have been by women who treat victims. This is a book by a man who has worked with batterers. I am not disparaging the work of women (and men) who work with victims--I was once one of them. What I am saying is that, as I read this, I felt a deep sense of validation, that the "other side" of the story, which many books get at through stories with victims, isn't something imagined or theorized. Controllers do know what they are doing. They understand that it hurts. They don't want to change. And I and other victims cannot change them. An outline of the specifics of abusive and controlling men makes it very clear that the "circle of influence" for women does not extend to the abuser. It may sound cliche to say you must save yourself, but after reading the many facets of abuse and the way they surface, a victim will understand will great clarity that her precious energy must be used to care for herself and her children. And pulling back that energy, for me, has been a critical step in surviving.
And for going through the family court system, if that is what a woman chooses to do.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
its not an " oh he was abused too" book this book is awesome and very validating...makes you aware of all the games they playPublished 6 hours ago by sally harrs
I've been out of a psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist for just over a year and have read literally dozens of books describing how to come to grips and recover... Read morePublished 7 hours ago by T.D. Hart
Very informative. If you are going through things and finding yourself overtaken with confusion then please read this!!! Read morePublished 8 hours ago by Lauren Hagen
I have been reading about abuse for years, and I must say, I wasnt expecting to learn more. This book far acceeded my expectations. Read morePublished 15 days ago by Jenni Lee
This book helps me so much to understand the person i have to deal with. thank youPublished 17 days ago by Amazon Customer
A must read for all, counselors, lay people, educators, clergy (clergy should not claim to be able to counsel before reading this book,) etc. Read morePublished 18 days ago by St
This book was recommended to me by a domestic violence advocate and I can't thank the advocate enough for guiding me in the right direction. This book is phenomenal. Read morePublished 18 days ago by Silvia D