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Showing 1-2 of 2 reviews(3 star). See all 31 reviews
on February 23, 2015
Wasnt the best self-help booked ive read, but it was ok.
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on November 12, 2011
This book has changed my life.

The first improbable fact is that I am a man. Second, I'm heterosexual. I was walking into the library and I saw this book sitting unattended outside on a bench. I picked it up thinking it was a library book and I'd return it. But it wasn't a library book. I took it home and glanced through it. I remember thinking how sad it was that such a book existed. I put it down and forgot about it.

Not long after, a female friend (as in "just friends") was in my apartment and she noticed the pink spine of this book being out of place and picked it up. That was a nice WTF moment you can be sure. She seemed struck with a mixture of horror and immense curiosity and after poking through the book a bit I started feeling the same way. We sat down together to look through this book and analyze it from the perspective of both genders.

As a bonus, its former owner had heavily annotated the pages giving us hints of a cryptic subplot far more dramatic than the actual text. Seems the previous owner was putting this book into the context of her interaction with someone she referred to in margin notes as "Danny Douchebag". We came to learn all kinds of things about our mystery couple, everything from her make up habits and what kind of underwear she thinks might be sexy to the fact that Danny seems to be somewhat immature and is just interested in sex. We felt very voyeuristic reading this and piecing together the story the underlining and margin notes implied. Exciting stuff! Definitely explore getting a used copy!

As we read through it, we noticed that this book was not very well organized. As with some grammar issues (see the comments), better copy editing could have set this straight. I've never read a book like this so maybe it is par for the course. As an example of the organizational defects we were uneasy with, there is on page 7 a section called: Dissecting "The First Date". Then on page 115 there is an entire chapter called: "The Date". There are lots of interesting topics in there, some possibly useful some undoubtedly not, but where it all is seemed a bit random.

The book also covers some seemingly improbable stuff like, what if he brings his friends on a date? Or what if his ex is the bartender? Does this stuff happen? I'm kind of a square so I don't really know about these things.

If I could distill the book down to one piece of advice I think it would be: Don't have sex with him on the first date! I don't know why that's so bad, but maybe for normal people in normal situations, it just is. However, it seems the emphasis to delay letting a guy sleep with you just delays the end of the "relationship" by exactly that much. Are they figuring that if you stall the man who is single-mindedly pursuing sex, that he will notice some other nice qualities while he waits? Sounds unlikely.

Overall I think my friend and I felt that the existence of a book like this wasn't absurd. Society is complex. It's hard for people to know what to do while trying to navigate the complexities of dating. Clearly the topic of this book is no less important to people than other educational books they may own. The entire quality of your life could depend on how you handle some subtle aspect of these mating rituals.

Unfortunately, we didn't feel that the advice was especially constructive and certainly not in a universal way. The authors seemed a little too superficial to us and their lifestyles didn't seem to reflect ours but maybe we're unusual. Some things made sense like "Don't get fall down drunk". Other things like "Don't talk about your feelings" seemed a little less wholesome to us.

My friend and I seemed to find the opportunity of reading this book together a great opportunity to specifically talk about our feelings. At first it was in the abstract way that the authors were trying to approach it, but eventually it became apparent that we were thinking about each other as we pondered our own ideas of how men and women should interact. We broke many of the rules established in the book and actually were honest with each other about our feelings and experiences. As we read the book we had learned a lot about each other and we had started to realize that we actually have very similar views on most of this stuff. We were able to appreciate each other's integrity and honesty and our mutual respect and attraction grew. By the end of the book, we were aware that we had both crossed a frontier, leaving behind the territory of "just friends".

This book will always have a special place in my book shelf and in my heart. I empathize with the former owner of this book and everyone who struggles to understand the crazy dynamics of nascent relationships. I hope she gets over Danny and moves on to find someone who really is a good fit and who treats her with respect, openness, kindness, sensitivity, and love. I hope you find it too.
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