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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last Paperback – June 1, 1995
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One little bit of data he uncovered, the impact of positive to negative interactions between couples, was reduced to a rather mathematical forumula: to practice a ratio of five positive to every one negative interaction. Sounds scientific enough, but in practice it's remarkable how much that little habit has done to improve all of my relationships. I think Gottman's work is a significant contribution to understanding how marriages do work, and what couples can do to avoid the pitfalls of harmful communication patterns. I have recommended it to everyone I know whose relationships are ailing and have gotten a lot of grateful thanks from them.
He's got a great writing style, humorous at times, and the book is fun to read with your significant other. I feel his information is practical, authentic, and gives the people like me, who don't quite understand all the ins and outs of communication, hope to have a better relationship.
He found something very specific that enabled him to predict, with an astoundingly high degree of accuracy, who will break up and who will stay together: How do they fight? He found four things -- four kinds of communication -- that ruin a marriage. If those four are present during an argument, the marriage is headed for disaster.
His most important discovery, I think, is that it isn't the CONTENT of the fight that makes a difference, it's the PROCESS you use during an argument. If you use a lousy method of fighting, it doesn't matter if you're only arguing about a toothpaste tube, it can destroy your marriage. But with the right PROCESS -- one that avoids those four disaster-creating methods -- you can talk about a highly volatile issue like infidelity and still keep the marriage together and your love alive.
When you're in an argument with your spouse, it always SEEMS that the important thing is WHAT you're arguing about. But that's not what matters. The important thing is HOW you argue. And Gottman's book tells you exactly how to avoid what doesn't work.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I was disappointed that all the question's answers were circled, and/or filled in.Published 1 day ago by Amazon Customer
Read it twice. Once together with my wife. I think we've gained insight from it.Published 1 month ago by David Piester
I just bought this book and realized that it doesn't support text-to-speech. I paid $ 12 for it so it wasn't exactly for free. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Michaela Blahova
First 64 pages are useless! The inside cover is written with personal notes.Pages are scribbled on. The tests have been taken. Yes/No circled. Read morePublished 8 months ago by Fritznout