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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last Paperback – June 1, 1995
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From Kirkus Reviews
From psychology professor (Univ. of Washington) and marriage researcher Gottman: an upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983 and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating, conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the MP3 CD edition.
"There's plenty of old-fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect." ---Kirkus --This text refers to the MP3 CD edition.
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Top customer reviews
While this book can tend towards the academic at times in the earlier chapters,it comes into its own as a practical guide at around Chapter Seven with its "Four Keys to Improving Your Marriage' and continues to offer invaluable practical advice until the end.
I would recommend this book for anyone in a relationship and congratulate Dr. Gottman on his contribution to human understanding.
It mentions that a husband with a validating style and a woman with a avoidant style can lead to a stable but very unhappy marriage. But then it is VERY VAGUE on specific suggestions for this marriage type. In fact, in chapter 6, it does not even aknowledge that this paring can take place when it offered specific suggestions for other parings.
So you are left to try to muddle through on your own and figure out the best approach.
I also liked that Mr. Gottman explains that its ok and even helpful to argue, as long as your doing it right. I very much enjoyed reading this book.
Most recent customer reviews
Every child should read this book