Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Other Sellers on Amazon
+ $3.99 shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last Paperback – June 1, 1995
|New from||Used from|
Frequently bought together
Customers who bought this item also bought
From Kirkus Reviews
From psychology professor (Univ. of Washington) and marriage researcher Gottman: an upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983 and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating, conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
"There's plenty of old-fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect." ---Kirkus --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top customer reviews
I also liked that Mr. Gottman explains that its ok and even helpful to argue, as long as your doing it right. I very much enjoyed reading this book.
The "first" book alludes to the evidence of "hundreds" of couples. The "second" book presents not a scintilla of evidence to support any of its claims of effectiveness.
The research on couples is extremely valuable, mainly because it is descriptive of what actual married couples did in the lab. The approach is based on an ethological approach, sort of "Gorillas in the mist" for human beings. For a couple struggling to find their way among the thousands of self-help books on marital problems, this is an invaluable piece of work.
It describes in the first instance three types of stable marriage forms, including conflict avoidant pairs. It is also invaluable in demonstrating that couples can engage in conflict and "negativity" in stable and relationship-enforcing ways. It validates some of the "ventilationist" arguments in psychological counseling. It supports the idea that arguments per se are not the cause of marital dissolution, but rather the inability to understand and to cope with disagreements is the key to the problem. This should at least give some hope to those of us who prefer to attack and to solve problems head-on, while they are fresh and before they become big problems, in defense against much conventional wisdom to let things blow over.
The advice part is good too, but like well-intentioned advice is presented with no support whatsoever for any of its actual effectiveness. I found myself constantly scribbling in the margins, "Evidence?". In the end, it reminded me of the well-meaning advice for people who want to lose weight. The "solution" to being overweight is to eat less food. How to do that is the subject of tens of thousands of books and magazine articles. Structurally, this "second" book is no different.
This is no scholarly publication. Not only does it have no footnotes, references or bibliography, it even lacks an index. Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence) is cited in the acknowledgments at the back as one of the collaborators (shy of a full-credit co-author). Nan Silver is listed as a "with" writer inside the book. Some of the clichés, platitudes and awkward expressions are laughable. A fact checker for the 1995 paperback edition wasn't in the marketing budget, evidently. The cover on the paperback claims "breakthrough study of 2,000 married couples". If only.
I can imagine that in the course of Goleman's investigations he stumbled upon Gottman's research and implored him to write a book about it. This is the result. His actual research papers are better resources for the evidence supporting his findings.
These criticisms notwithstanding, I've ordered eight more of his books (in addition to three of his research publications so far). The research is too important to be ignored due to ineffective presentation.
-- Roy Zider