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Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams Mass Market Paperback – June 1, 2004

4.1 out of 5 stars 81 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Though the title makes this volume sound more like a Gone With The Wind-era admonition than a modern-day marriage manifesto, Molloy (Dress for Success) promises to "increase your chances of marrying by up to 60 percent" and teach women how to spot "ten warning signals that a man is never going to marry you." For the woman dedicated to landing a mate, this book does offer practical tips based on Molloy's interviews with thousands of engaged and married people. Some of the advice offered is common sense ("date eligible men," "if you want to meet men...pick a place where men really go"-i.e., a sports bar), but other suggestions have an unintentionally humorous effect. In the "Size Matters" section, Molloy writes: "Being overweight dramatically reduces your changes of attracting and marrying men... Naturally, there are many overweight women who do marry. We ran across dozens." Though he offers helpful chapters on relationship stages, open communication, divorced and widowed men and marriage after 40, Molloy's tone often makes it sound as if men do women a favor by marrying them. "If you want to discuss marriage, you're probably going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will," Molloy warns, and his book sets forth a straightforward plan for any marriage-minded woman willing to change her habits. For better or worse, Molloy proves that most men still choose mates based upon qualities that signaled the perfect bride in the Edwardian era: virtue, respectability and accomplishment.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

JOHN T. MOLLOY conducts research and training seminars for many major corporations. In his earlier career as an educator, he taught high school students, both in conventional classes and SAT preparation courses.
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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (June 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0446614289
  • ISBN-13: 978-0446614283
  • Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (81 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #379,000 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
Another reader said;
"I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.)"
I think this misrepresents what Molloy actually says. Molloy does not tell women to use strong arm methods - he tells women to be *honest* in a relationship. If marriage matters to them, they should be honest about that. If their man's response to a suggestion of marriage hurts them, they should be honest about *that*, as well. He does recommend that women try to be considerate in presenting their protests, but what he is basically arguing is that honesty pays. I've been married seventeen years, and seen a lot of friends' marriages do a nosedive in that time, and I think he's right.
A friend of mine from high school who recently divorced let her boyfriend/fiance walk all over her while they were dating, then while they were married, until she just couldn't take it anymore, and left him. But she didn't tell him he was hurting her until they'd been married for years! She expected him to know. I think this is far more destructive than honestly telling someone you're close to that marriage is important to you, and you're not sure you can continue the relationship if it won't lead to marriage; or that they hurt you when they dismissed your desire for marriage.
When I was dating, many, many women warned me to never mention marriage, and said they never admitted they wanted marriage, because that would chase a guy off. I felt this was dishonest and wouldn't do it. If a guy and I talked life time goals, I was always up front about the fact that I intended to get married and have kids.
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By A Customer on September 30, 2003
Format: Hardcover
How I wish I had read this when I was still in my 30s. If you're looking for a book that is entertaining or touchy-feely, skip this one. It reports results of thousands of interviews and bares the hard cold facts--some made me feel optimistic, most were sobering but truthful and necessary to know. I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.) What interested me most was the section that discussed The Stringer, the kind of fellow you date for years without any certainty of a future in terms of marriage. So you wake up in your early 40s, figure out his game, then find how very hard it is to find a man who wants to date (and marry) you who isn't a whole lot older than you (and probably more interested in you as his geriatric nurse). Molloy described stringers as "very destructive" because their M.O. can result in woman being single (and he didn't mention, childless) the rest of her life. Also, we all kind of know it and Molloy was sympathetic to the unfairness of it, but the statistics are as clear as a bell that women who let themselves get heavy put themselves in a very, very bad position to attract a man despite a few happy string bean-tomato exceptions. He included some good tips on where to go to meet men even though I'd rather stay single than devote time to model train shows or hang out in sports bars (however he did cite other places more appealing to me). Why aren't more single men going to places where women with high values tend to gravitate--churches, volunteer programs, cultural institutions, etc.?Read more ›
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I bought this book because I thought that I would learn some special insight into why I was still a single woman over 40. I don't recommend this book if you are older. The author states the obvious: 1) Men want younger women 2) If you are an over 40 woman, who is single, you better be attractive and thin more so than your younger counterparts. 3) You should marry unattractive men who get passed over by other women. 4) You should join an athelic group of some sort, go out on Singles outings etc..etc... Nothing new here to me. I have done all of the things the author suggests and I am still single going on four years. I am thin- if I get any thinner my doctor will get ticked, attractive, take care of myself and participate in many sporting activities.
Anyhow-there is no special formula here, maybe I should write a book and tell women the following:
1) Date divorced men - they are easier to get along with -
2) Stay away from players and guys who have NEVER settled down or who have a history of breaking women's hearts.
3) Love yourself enough to take care of yourself on the inside and out.
No brainers here ladies...I am done reading these dating books. Finding the love of your life is either meant to be ie, luck or it is not.
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Format: Hardcover
One of my single girlfriends and I (I'm married, 6 years this month) paged through this book at the bookstore the other day. If you want a laugh, it's great. If you're looking for sound advice, get another book.

The one thing people need to understand about John Molloy is that his so called "scientific studies" are bogus. He uses insanely small sample sizes, anecdotal information, and non-scientifically-selected subjects to come up with his conclusions. In a country of 360 MILLION people, I imagine you could come up with a few hundred people who married their spouse because they shared a love of online fantasy games and green chile enchiladas. Compared to the general population, his sample sizes are smaller than miniscule and therefore, the sweeping conclusions he makes are basically worthless. Anyone who's ever taken Statistics 101 can figure that out. You know that saying that there are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics? That statement is never more true than when applied to this book.

Secondly, the conclusions he comes to "scientifically" are completely ridiculous. If you want to get married, be thin, make a good first impression and make marriage a priority. WOW! What a revelation! My single friend said "if only it was that simple." She is thin, beautiful and accomplished, and after a failed marriage 7 years ago has had no luck getting married since. She makes a great first impression and makes her living off that as a salesperson. According to Molloy, she should be beating men away with a stick and fending off marriage proposals daily. But sadly, that's not the case. Whereas I am a loud, brassy, overweight woman who probably comes across as outre when people first meet me, and I've been happily married for six years.
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