Amazon.com: Customer reviews: Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

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7 people found this helpful

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

ByShashaon May 8, 2016

Hi, Awesome book! I am glad I found it! It surveyed people coming out of the building after getting their marriage license. Interestng that those married insisted on it. It told the age people usually get married and more. When they are tired of the bars and friends are getting married they may think about it..being mentored by friends and they see it as the next stage in life. If they live with parents or parents divorced they may not marry. First impressions made a difference....how you dress/what you say etc. Those who where married worked at it..went to places guys were even if they didn't like the hobby/moved etc. Love yourself...attacts (maybe since it may seem like a confident mom) .Some may not like the guy when they first met him. No chase/do chores for him etc.. No make you life 2nd to a husband's..no be their servant. Woman gave hints. Some said marry or I am gone. Agreeable/relaxed/easy to get along with etc..

Very interesting and enjoyable...good survey and very helpful book! Very different than other dating books.

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5 people found this helpful

Interesting content

ByJohnnaon March 15, 2006

...but it is written like a scientific report. Not the easiest reading.

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Showing 1-10 of 11 reviews(1 star). See all 75 reviews

Don't bother if you are a woman over 35

ByPatricia E. Powerson June 30, 2004

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

I bought this book because I thought that I would learn some special insight into why I was still a single woman over 40. I don't recommend this book if you are older. The author states the obvious: 1) Men want younger women 2) If you are an over 40 woman, who is single, you better be attractive and thin more so than your younger counterparts. 3) You should marry unattractive men who get passed over by other women. 4) You should join an athelic group of some sort, go out on Singles outings etc..etc... Nothing new here to me. I have done all of the things the author suggests and I am still single going on four years. I am thin- if I get any thinner my doctor will get ticked, attractive, take care of myself and participate in many sporting activities.
Anyhow-there is no special formula here, maybe I should write a book and tell women the following:
1) Date divorced men - they are easier to get along with -
2) Stay away from players and guys who have NEVER settled down or who have a history of breaking women's hearts.
3) Love yourself enough to take care of yourself on the inside and out.
No brainers here ladies...I am done reading these dating books. Finding the love of your life is either meant to be ie, luck or it is not.

355 people found this helpful356 people found this helpful

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4545 comments

The king of "better conform" demeaning drivel strikes again!

Bycherion October 24, 2004

Format: Hardcover

Will someone just STOP John Malloy from continuing to publish ridiculous nonsense that preys on women and makes men look stupid beyond belief? You'd think after the 80s "Dress for Success" B.S. we would have learned not to pay attention (just keep thinking "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me"). This book, poorly (not fascinatingly) researched and written, is another Malloy attempt to tell women how to conform into the "dream girl" that will make you wanted -- in the 80s, it was wanted in the boardroom, now it's wanted at the alter. It plays into the inaccurate old insecurity game that (1) very dumb men rule the world, that (2) women must cater to these very dumb men to get what we want, (3) you are not good enough the way you are, and (4) that by donning the perfect uniform, look and checklist persona that all dumb men want, you will be acceptable to them and will then (5) get what you want. Thousands of insecure, career-seeking women bought into it in the 80s, when I was just starting my career. I had a boss that Dressed for Success all the way - miserable boxy man suits, stupid little scarf ties, so that men would find her acceptable in the boardroom. She made me read the book, but I refused to bite. She wound up a very unhappy middle manager - I wound up a successful (married to a great guy, btw) top-level administrator, happy because I did it on my own terms. I kind of think of this book in the same way. Guys who need this "conforming" to find you acceptable "wife material" probably will not be great guys to marry. These types of guys were jerks to work with back in the 80s, and probably are truly jerks as husbands (if you gain 5 lbs or age a year, watch out! Time for a new model! Is that the life you want?).

A first-year grad student could tell you Malloy's "research" is bogus. Slapping the "research" label on is just a new writer's ploy to lend credibility to an agenda and to sell books. Don't buy into the lie that this is well-researched fact. It is not.

If you need a husband so badly that you're willing to give yourself up to land someone who has little respect for you (and probably is a real boor to boot), get this book and wind up with the jerk of your "dreams." It's gonna be more like a nightmare. Better yet, get some counseling. If you want to marry a real man, one with confidence, a great sense of self, intelligence, humor, etc., skip this book altogether.

BTW, Parksy, Malloy is not dealing in fact--as poorly as this book was researched, there are no "facts" to be found--and you're right--I don't like to hear full-out blarney, so he is saying many things I don't care to hear. Not because they are hard truths, but simply because this book is fiction posing as fact. My take is that the criticism of this book is a hard fact that fans of Malloy don't want to hear. But it's truer than anything this book has to offer.

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33 comments

I found my own strategy!

ByLindaTVINE VOICEon October 14, 2009

Format: Hardcover

I married late in life, and I'm glad I did. But my reason for staying single for so long was simply that I am a person who has a lot of things I like to do -- I enjoy music, reading, writing and I am a teacher -- all of which kept me very busy. And I noticed two positive things:

1. I refused to get into a snit about being single. I simply wasn't worried about it. Single life was good to me and I had a great time (minus the offensive questions I would be asked). I dated occasionally, some times a lot and sometimes seldom.

2. I didn't wrap up my identity in a man. Although I got a lot of verbal garbage from other people, I knew I was OK even if I wasn't married.

I have now been married for seven years. By John Molloy's standards, I had a snowball's chance in Uno Where of getting married, but it happened. And believe me, it was not done through John Molloy advice! If what John Molloy says is true (and perhaps there is some truth to it) then the relationship is of no value to me. If a man my age or older wants a 20-year old, then no matter how much I respect myself, the dude isn't going to marry me. And I'll be better off. If most men really do value beauty and fertility more than anything else, then I don't want most men. The calendar and Mother Nature will age me (as it will the man). Some things are worse than being single, and one of them is trying to fit into this silly game.

Fortunately, I don't think all men are like this. There are plenty of rational guys out there, and my advice to women is this: look for them. They exist.

Not all women are contented to be single, I realize. Although I am quite a worry wart by nature, oddly enough, staying single was one thing I did not worry about. To be honest, I don't know if my husband is Alpha, Beta, Kappa or Omicron. But I do know this -- our relatioinship is of great value to both of us.

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1212 comments

Save your money on this dreck

ByGadgetChickon October 20, 2005

Format: Hardcover

One of my single girlfriends and I (I'm married, 6 years this month) paged through this book at the bookstore the other day. If you want a laugh, it's great. If you're looking for sound advice, get another book.

The one thing people need to understand about John Molloy is that his so called "scientific studies" are bogus. He uses insanely small sample sizes, anecdotal information, and non-scientifically-selected subjects to come up with his conclusions. In a country of 360 MILLION people, I imagine you could come up with a few hundred people who married their spouse because they shared a love of online fantasy games and green chile enchiladas. Compared to the general population, his sample sizes are smaller than miniscule and therefore, the sweeping conclusions he makes are basically worthless. Anyone who's ever taken Statistics 101 can figure that out. You know that saying that there are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics? That statement is never more true than when applied to this book.

Secondly, the conclusions he comes to "scientifically" are completely ridiculous. If you want to get married, be thin, make a good first impression and make marriage a priority. WOW! What a revelation! My single friend said "if only it was that simple." She is thin, beautiful and accomplished, and after a failed marriage 7 years ago has had no luck getting married since. She makes a great first impression and makes her living off that as a salesperson. According to Molloy, she should be beating men away with a stick and fending off marriage proposals daily. But sadly, that's not the case. Whereas I am a loud, brassy, overweight woman who probably comes across as outre when people first meet me, and I've been happily married for six years.

If you really, REALLY want to get married, here is my advice. I am giving it out FREE here on Amazon so people don't give John Molloy any more money for his silly books. Are you ready? Here it is:

- Don't sit at home. Get out and meet people. If you live in a city of any size, there will be groups of people who assemble to participate in activities you would enjoy - everything from stargazing through telescopes to needlepoint. If you don't feel comfortable joining mixed-sex groups, join women's groups. Other women have friends, brothers, sons, etc. who you may like very much. The bottom line is GET OUT THERE. Sitting at home will NOT enable you to meet anyone you'd be interested in.

- Make a list of the things you want in a partner, and then a list of your deal-breakers. Then go back over the list of your deal-breakers and really examine it. If it's more than 7-10 items long, you are probably being too picky. Just because someone is bald, or likes sci-fi, or hates Indian food does not mean they are not a wonderful person who would be a caring partner. When I met my husband, he smoked. I HATE smoking. He also had a few other habits that drove me crazy. But I could see past those to the wonderful, fabulous person he is. I could see he was great husband material (and believe me, you should evaluate people as potential spouses EARLY - don't feel shallow for doing so). I stuck with him, and just a couple of years into the relationship, he quit smoking. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and I could not ask for a more loyal, faithful, caring, funny and intelligent man to be my husband. I am not talking about ignoring personality traits like "he beats me" or "he's drunk all the time." I'm talking about trying to look past the "Seinfeld" or "Sex and the City" criteria for dating. "I can't keep dating him, he has long nose hairs." So what? If he's a caring, stable person, he can clip his nose hairs. But a shiftless, abusive guy with good grooming can't change his personality.

- Here's the most important one. Love yourself. Invest in yourself. Even if you weigh 300 lbs, you should be getting your hair done, buying flattering clothes that fit you, and walking around with your head held high. I have been chunky all my life but I dated plenty in high school and college, because I decided early on that I felt good about myself and I was going to have a personality that attracted people to me, even if my looks didn't. My husband wasn't even the first guy who wanted to marry me, and believe me, I don't meet any of Molloy's "criteria." It's not because I am dazzlingly beautiful or I have a compliant personality. I am funny and smart, and I love to laugh and have a good time. That's attractive to anyone. (I also have a healthy self-esteem, if you couldn't tell. :) Don't let one or two jerks, or this book, tell you your marriage prospects are hopeless if you're overweight or not traditionally beautiful or you care about your career. You are a great person and you deserve love. Now go out and get it!

170 people found this helpful171 people found this helpful

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1515 comments

How to find a husband

ByL. Wilsonon October 30, 2004

Format: Mass Market Paperback

I was really disturbed by the woman who wrote that every night was a blockbuster night with cats. All I can say is, "Girl, get a webcam and got to the BBW rooms at Yahoo!" Not ALL men want a thin woman. (BBW = Big Beautiful Woman) Yes, you will have to follow all the caveats about online relationships. Yes, there are trolls, but that is the case with a sports bar or any other place where men gather. At the very least you will be interacting with other ppl and not sitting at home watching a movie for the umpteenth time.

8 people found this helpful9 people found this helpful

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I would have given this no stars....

ByAmazon Customeron October 4, 2004

Format: Mass Market Paperback

After breaking up with a guy I was with for 2 years because I finally accepted that "he just wasn't into me" (sound familiar?? yes, buy THAT book!) I began a journey to read any books that would help motivate me and help me not make the same mistakes. I found this book by Mr. Molloy in my library and after skimming through the introduction, I hit this as one of the "Six Findings on the path to marrying men"....it said "Women who are slender have an easier time meeting men and better odds of getting married". Well isn't THAT special. So I should just stop right there and lose weight so men will be attracted to me enough to approach me, this is the basic message conveyed here.....I DO find it funny how a few parapgraphs before, one of the findings stated "Women who married loved themselves more then they loved any man"...SO what happens to me and I assume MANY other women, who do love themselves more then any man and may not be slender?? Looks like Mr. Molloy would conclude we are destined to be single. Sorry, I didn't read any further then the introduction and put it back on the shelf. I do love myself more then any man, I am not the stereotypical slender, and I do believe I will find true love without having to lose weight.

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11 comment

This Book Doesn't Help, Only Makes A Single Girl Feel Worse

ByKatherine Ramoson August 2, 2005

Format: Hardcover

I'm single, very attractive, thin and I can't find a husband. I do everything from "The Rules" to anything else and nothing works. Nor did anything I read in this book.

Look ladies, and MEN for that matter, no matter how much it hurts, for whatever reason, it's just fated that some of us are meant to be single.

This angers me to no end because I WANT to be married and have a child yet no one wants me. All the books in the world won't replace what is fated to happen.

If you are SUPPOSE to get married, you will. If not, you won't. If you meet "the one", it doesn't matter what you do, you can break every rule of dating there is, and he/she won't leave. If you meet Mr./Ms. Wrong, you can do everything right and they won't stay.

It's all luck. These books are a scam. They are written to prey on those of us who are lonely and aching and in pain. Those of us who see couples, and families in the grocery stores, at the park, wherever, and yearn for that to be us, yet it never happens.

They prey on us because they can. STOP making these people rich! These books will NOT help you.

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77 comments

More theories to mess up women's heads!

Bycathleen crawfordon May 1, 2004

Format: Hardcover

while there is some validity in some of the research, most of it is pure nonsense. landing the husband of your dreams is no guarantee for a happy marriage. better he feel he has landed the "girl of his dreams" and no, she doesn't have to wear a size 4 to qualify as the girl of his dreams. been around this track for more than 30 years. visit my site [...] for some commonsense advice. no charge! cathy crawford

13 people found this helpful14 people found this helpful

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B.S.

Byvenuson June 26, 2005

Format: Mass Market Paperback

Umm hello!! Based on my own observations, most of the married women I know are fat and have let themselves go, while most single women take much better care of their appearance. Everyone I know who is married or in serious long-term relationships are objectively the least attractive of the bunch. It's like men want to marry women because they are matronly/motherly types--not "hot" like the single women I know. The myth that women must be flawed if they are not getting married is ridiculous--just take a look around for yourself at the mall or the amusement park. The married couples are pasty, overbloated whales walking around with kids while singles look much healthier and athletic. You can validate anything you want with the kinds of statistics and studies used in this book. There are a lot of men out there who make weight/appearance a primary issue (the author is one of them), but clearly if you look around at all the fat, ugly married folk it's a small part of the equation.

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55 comments

Men as relationship-objects

ByMartian Bacheloron January 12, 2004

Format: Hardcover

Yea, I know I'm not part of the intended audience for this book; for some curious reason they don't make books for men on this topic... Anyway, I can't give high marks to any book about men and marriage which doesn't start with the very fundamental fact that marriage confers no rights on men, only obligations. What this implies is that a woman looking for a husband is basically looking for a chump. Curiously, Molloy is close to discovering this crucial bit of information: he relates an anecdote about a woman who call a man an idiot (really) the first time they meet, and of course they then proceed in a short while on to happily-ever-after status. To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with any woman who would want me to be her husband.
Alone that was enough to drop the book down to 2-3 star level, but the real clincher was the episode of domestic violence (pgs 127-8) related in another anecdote which Molloy describes as "hysterical", as in "outrageously funny". I cannot sanction such glib treatment of such a serious topic and therefore recommend people who think similarly shun this book entirely. This episode occurs in a context where a woman is pressuring a man into marriage, and if you loosely equate such emotional pressure used against a man with the physical pressure a man might use against a woman to get sex, well you get the picture.
Besides those two fatal flaws, Molloy is pulling the ... that by interviewing people coming out of marriage license application bureaus that he is somehow able to elucidate their (especially the woman's) "Secrets". But this is an illusion: since 85-90% of the population marries at some point you might as well do a general survey, with all the attendant problems with self-reporting and self-deception that anthropologists and sociologists are well aware of (and are ignored here). The women with fresh marriage licenses have just gotten lucky, i.e., their turn has come up and it's not like they necessarily know anything other single women don't. (In other words, part of the marketing for this book is based on women's jealousy; perhaps this is why there's a picture of a diamond ring on the cover rather that some generic hubby...) What it boils down to is that a lot of what Molloy comes up with, and announces as if he's just come down from the mountain with The Truth, is largely spurious. The book is entirely self-referential: he doesn't compare or contrast his "findings" with the work of others, as if he were the first to look into this topic. Right. This causes him to get several things exactly backward, such are the "discovery" that men want to marry up, which is actually a result of female strategies and "selection effects".
What's not spurious is generally rather obvious, or just plain wrong IMO. Like other books in this extensive genre, the whole thing is a mix of truth, half-truth, and the downright ridiculous (like going around with a book on your head and rolled up washclothes on each shoulder - to improve your posture.) Molloy does come across as being something really old-fashioned out of the 1950's -- he's always women's champion. Only a very traditional (and fairly naive) woman *might* find something useful here, though how one would separate the valuable material from the [not valuble] I don't know. Due to space limitations I've only touched on a few of the many things wrong w/this book - my critique could easily be several times longer.

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