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Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman Hardcover

4.3 out of 5 stars 227 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Brief, punchy slices of daily life originally published in her Philadelphia Inquirer column allow novelist Scottoline (Everywhere That Mary Went) to dish on men, mothers, panty lines and, especially, dogs. Somewhere in her mid-50s, twice divorced (from men she calls Thing One and Thing Two) and living happily in the burbs with her recent college-graduate daughter and a passel of pets, Scottoline maintains a frothy repartee with the reader as she discusses ways she would redecorate the White House (Cupholders for all!), relies on her built-in Guilt-O-Meter to get dreaded tasks done (a broken garbage disposal rates only a 1, while accumulating late fees at the library rates a 7) and contemplates, while making a will, who will get her cellulite. For some quick gags, Scottoline brings in various family members: mother Mary, a whippersnapper at 4'11 who lives in South Beach with her gay son, Scottoline's brother Frank, and possesses a coveted back-scratcher; and her Harvard-educated daughter, Francesca. Plunging into home improvement frenzy, constructing a chicken coop, figuring out mystifying insurance policies and how not to die at the gym are some of the conundrums this ordinary woman faces with verve and wicked humor, especially how her beloved dogs have contentedly replaced the romance in her life. (Dec.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audible Audio Edition edition.

From Booklist

Scottoline, author of several thrillers featuring women and writer of the weekly Chick Wit column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, offers a collection of her published columns and additional commentary on life from a woman’s perspective. Her columns feature the people in her life—mom (aka Mother Mary), brother, daughter, friends, and her pets, including four dogs of long and faithful companionship, thus the title of the book. Minor characters are two ex-husbands she calls Thing One and Thing Two. Among her observations and ruminations: how divorce has led to families having multiple dogs, the virtues of visible panty and bra lines, starting a religion that allows women to have multiple husbands, how women’s magazines ignore women over 40, the bittersweet experience of a child going off to college, and the awkwardness of men determined not to look at women’s breasts, which results in fixed stares. Scottoline takes the fodder of everyday life and offers witty reflections from a female perspective. --Vanessa Bush --This text refers to the Audible Audio Edition edition.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press; First Edition edition
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0044KN1H6
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.1 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (227 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #595,376 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Opa Wayne VINE VOICE on October 7, 2009
Format: Hardcover Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I do not understand women. What man does? Lisa Scottoline writes about women from a woman's view. I think this book is insightful and funny. Women, I am certain, will probably understand references that leave me scratching my head. When she talks about being braless, for example, I get an image she probably did not intend.

Lisa Scottoline's new book is often hilarious, like when she writes about Spanx ("like slipping into a tourniquet"). Lisa, who wrote sixteen novels, also penned a regular newspaper column about the lives of ordinary women. Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog edits and re-presents her columns.

Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog, details events common to the lives of ordinary women. We relive incidents like: choosing which bacteria to accept, the art of reading ads, and lessons learned from Archie comic books. We see a new perspective on hot flashes, which are really "God's way of compensating women for all the years they spent being cold." Then we contemplate washing our face with diamond dust (it exfoliates the skin - but wash it off or your "face will be sparkly").

Two sections I especially enjoyed were the concept of a new religion where a wife can have as many husbands as she wishes, and a chore list where men can exchange "have a baby" with "take out the trash". The idea of men bearing the children is interesting at best and horrible to contemplate at worst.

I highly recommend this book for regular comedy breaks. The chapters are very short, so you can read a chapter during a 5 minute coffee break and take the laugh back with you to work. I especially recommend this book to women and hope someday a woman will explain the parts that passed me by.
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Format: Hardcover Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
Most of the brief essays in this book appeared in the column the author writes for the The Philadelphia Inquirer, presumably in order of publication. I found the book perfect for reading before bedtime. It is amusing and carries no significant message except to enjoy life and one's family. Scottoline's love of family is apparent on every page and cause for humor as she describes her relationships with her mother, brother, and daughter. As a change of pace, the latter has also contributed a few of the essays, giving a multi-generational view of life. Fortunately for pet lovers, Scottoline's family includes various animals, such as her dogs, cats, chickens, and a pony. Their antics are a source of amusement and their trials and tribulations tear at the heart strings. This is light reading but should certainly appeal to those who have struggled with the generation gap or are past the first blush of youth. It should also appeal to pet lovers, parents of grown children, and anyone looking for a bit of laughter at the end of the day.
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Format: Hardcover Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
In Scottoline's collection of essays, excerpted from her "Philadelphia Inquirer" columns, we follow her adventures through the minefields of motherhood, love, men, and Spanx. Yes, that's what I said. Her hilariously funny take on those particular garments, as well as other aspects of "middle-aged" life, had me laughing all the way to the last chapter.

Her views on finances, food, pets vs. men, and how the mother-daughter relationship shifts over the years are so relatable that I couldn't stop reading.

I especially enjoyed her perspective on resolutions. She has what she calls "unresolutions," which are simply things you're already doing that you don't want to change, like: "UnResolution Number One. I sleep in my clothes, and I resolve to keep sleeping in my clothes. I know this sounds weird, and it helps that my clothes are fleece pants and a fleece top, because I work at home..."

Then there's her chapter on "Things to Do." She describes it this way: "To explain, I let my Things to Do pile up because when I'm in the final draft of a book, I do nothing else. I let everything go, including my roots. You don't want to see me with final-draft roots. It looks like my hair got caught in a forest fire, leaving behind burnt trunks and a very single woman."

Then in the beginning of her chapter on "Bail-Outs," she describes how, with Thanksgiving just around the corner, we look for the people in our lives for whom we're thankful...and then she describes a rainy day when she was searching for an address, becoming more and more confused when she couldn't find the number which seemed nonexistent, and then a stranger appeared.
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Format: Audio CD Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I am not sure what made me get this product. I have never really listened to books on tape (or CD in this case), but this book seemed rather interesting. I have to say that my response to this product is a bit mixed. This book on CD is also read by the author Lisa Scottoline. Scottoline who is better known for her legal thrillers (works of fiction). I have never read any of her novels, so my review of this book and Scottoline is purely based off this "book on CD".

This book isn't a legal thriller or a work of fiction. Rather it is Scottoline speaking about myriad parts of her life; her family, her pets, moments in her life, past relationships and her views and/or wisdom on certain aspects of life. Since she reads the book, I found her voice to be both pleasant and annoying at the same time. How, I don't know.

Some of her stories were very endearing, such as her devotion to her pets. She speaks about when one of her dogs passed away, after owning the dog for many years. I recently had to put my cat asleep that was 20 years old, so I could relate. In addition, Scottoline speaks of her devotion to her family, especially her daughter Francesca.

Speaking of Francesca, she actually chimes in and reads parts of this book. I found her insight rather interesting and refreshing. Francesca, at the time of this book, is 21. Her voice is very pleasant and her viewpoint a nice contrast from that of her mother.

As for Scottoline, I found her subtle sexist remarks made during the course of this novel rather vexing. She refers to her first and second husbands as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2", respectably. Now at face value this is sort of cute. Yet I felt that this disdain for her ex-husbands bled over to all men.
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