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Showing 1-10 of 199 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 242 reviews
on January 10, 2014
I confess that I didn't finish this book - I read half of it and then I threw it out, along with all the other books I had on "how to catch or keep a man". All the books recommend different things, such as playing hard to get, etc etc. Well, I was tired of being single and I was tired of games and I was tired of reading books to try to figure out how to find love or why I didn't have it.
THE GEM I got from this book was this. THROW OUT the list of all the things you need or want in a man! This author advised to forget the advice to make a list of all the traits and characteristics etc that you want in a partner. She advised that you just find the TOP THREE things that were important, indispensable to you, and junk the rest because it just doesn't matter.
Eureka! After all my worrying over everything my Mr. Right had to have (meanwhile I dated Mr Wrongs left and right and was quite lonely) somehow that struck a chord with me. The light bulb went on in my head and I thought "HEY! I can do THAT!"
This was my list for my man:
#1) He & I like and love each other deeply, mutually, lastingly.
#2) He & I are deeply, mutually attracted to each other emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually - lastingly.
#3) We gladly commit to each other and marry for life.

Voila! I no longer had to worry about all the particulars! If we loved each other well, that's good, right? And I didn't have to nitpick on his looks anymore because if we're mutually attracted then whatever he looks like, I guess I'm satisfied, right? And if we're both happy to commit to each other, then we must be doing something right.
Well, friends, not too long after this eureka moment brought about by that one gem contained within this book, I found him. Actually, I'd known him for years as a friend but never bothered because he didn't fit my long list (the list this book wisely advised me to throw out!) and we have been together over a year and a half and he is wonderful, we're happy, and it is absolutely the best and most loving and fun and amazing relationship I ever had in my 39 years of life. We treat each other like gold - what a joy healthy love is!!!
So... I have to congratulate the author on her wisdom.
Her book wisely advises you to stop picking apart others and look within to understand why you're still single.
Good luck in finding wonderful love. Do as she advises!
xoxo
UPDATE the original review was written a while back... it's July 30, 2015 and we are now married, we bought a wonderful home, and I'm pregnant at age 41.. very healthy and feeling great, our baby is due in September! My husband is as much a joy to live with as ever, the love, affection, respect & fun we have together are still going strong.
This book gave great advice (:
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on August 1, 2016
I bought this due to relentless demands from a friend who recently got engaged and previously read the book. So basically, I got it to eliminate the repeat "did you buy it yet?" "you have to read it!" conversations. Here's the thing- if you're someone who 'falls' for every guy...this book might be of help to you. Or, if you're someone who hasn't dated in years, has no idea what you want/what's 'normal' or if you doubt yourself and need to compare what's important to you vs someone else- this book will probably be of help.

But at the end of the day, the truth is this....there are a lot of GREAT people out there. And, there are a lot of not so great people out there. Sometimes, we cross paths with the right ones and sometimes, we don't. If your expectations are things that you know that you need in a partner- why would you second guess that? If you have common sense...there's no need to read this.
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on September 7, 2016
Tracy has the most beautiful spirit. I first saw her on Oprah and found her insights to be so intriguing. I started following her on social media (she live-tweets The Bachelor, btw) and her wisdom - not just related to relationships, but life in general - is ON POINT. Her tone is funny, real and humble. She's like the big sis you run to for advice. Contrary to the title of the book, this is not about how to get married. The insights from the book are more about how to be a better person in general, to yourself and others (particularly a significant other). Because our society focuses so much on the wedding instead of the marriage, this book talks about the work EVERY lady needs to do in order to have fruitful, loving and lasting relationships in life. Most important thing I've learned from Tracy is about self love. Not to give away the "goods" but she talks about how the most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is with yourself. And you replicate that relationship over and over with other people. So when it's not working, you need to look within. Buy her book, follow her online, listen to every interview she gives. Do yourself that favor!
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on December 31, 2014
This Book really show me where l went wrong. Mainly how to learn and make better choices in love relationships. Everyone must get th u s book. What an epiphany. A wake up call. A closeness to learning about yourself, love, and getting closer to God your inner spirit.

Can't love no one unless you work on you. Know what to look for, especially unresolved issues in your life. Complete you first.

Good read. Love her authenticity to speak the truth. Mostly to break down underlying barriers and walls of in order to get self love. One must be it live it and put it back in the universe. Jan. Thank you Terry. Beautifully said. Blessed you.
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on May 18, 2013
Gave it four stars, but it could have easily been five. Excellent book, but the last chapter, "You're Godless", seemed a little rushed in putting it together and did not seem to nail its subject title down as the previous chapters. I think it should be subtitled as it not only relates to marriage, but any long term committed relationship with a guy. You get ten chapters, or areas that cause relationship failure: You're A Bitch;You're Shallow;You're a Slut;You're Crazy;You're Selfish;You're a Mess;You Hate Yourself;You're a Liar;You're a Dude;You're Godless. Don't let the titles throw you off because you don't relate or become offended. These are basically character traits and perspectives that simply don't offer the long term qualities needed for marriage or a long term relationship. This book is written with adult language injected in it as well as humor. These are the experiences of Tracy's failed marriages and relationships and the lessons she learned from them which caused her to choose wrong types of men for her -even though she saw each as a perfect match for one reason or another. Each chapter heading is backed by what Tracy means, her experience, her learned lesson, and usually another example of "proof" with a friend or acquaintance's lifestyle to demonstrate her meaning. This is then followed up by how you can change this aspect of your self that causes relationships to become bad choices or failures -again. Then you get a spiritual insight aimed at looking at things differently and how this can help you change. The other side of the coin here is that its a fantastic book to the inner workings of a man. Tracy gives you a lot of insight into what a man is like and what qualities and character he is looking for in a woman that he is sizing up to be his wife, partner, friend, and mother of his children. So these ten chapters are aimed at what men are seeking and what will send them to keep on seeking as they pass you up because of some specific relationship killers -whether it be right off the bat or at some time in your relationship. Tracy has certainly seen the light, and realized seeing things her way was not working and developed a means to reflect upon these relationship failures and formulate another perspective that works a bit better. It would seem an aspect of spiritual understanding has been woven into her understandings and perspectives throughout the book, but don't let this scare you off or think its undertones are one of promoting spirituality or religion, because it is not by any means. The "You're Godless" chapter is generic and rambles. It needs to be better tackled. I would suggest to Tracy, or anyone, to read Three Magic Words by U.S.Andersen as a definitive insight to replace this chapter. Otherwise, great book for any woman or guy to read to get a super perspective of both sexes when looking for a marriage or long term partner.
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on November 9, 2014
Wow, what a journey read...

I believe I encountered Tracey McMillan when an article popped up from Huffington Post Women. As many know, she has a blog on there talking about the same issues that she talks about in her self help memoir, Why You're Not Married.

I have seen the reactions to her self-help memoir with comments and critiques. What she puts out that in why you are not married is controversial to some. However, I am one of the ones that go into the camp of looking into her insight positively.

I feel like what Tracey expresses is NOT to hurt women at all. And for me, her book is not about hitting a nerve (although I do understand why it makes some uncomfortable), but it is about one being happy with herself before she enters a union. BUT this book also helps people who are already in a relationship (like me) or already married. It not only gives valuable advice but along with that advice, valuable application as well.

McMillan speaks out of truth about what most men are looking for. She pretty much tells, primarily, her heterosexual female audience that in order for you to gain a committed relationship with a man, you have to start building a committed relationship with yourself. We are attracted to people who have the overall personal, professional, financial, etc. business together. We aren't attracted to people who are clinging or wants a person to fix who they are.

I learned a lot from this books looking at how I reacted in my nine year relationship. It made me realize I've gone about some decisions wrong and acted in a negative manner about certain matters.

I encourage all to read this book. It is about YOU...and how you need to help yourself and transform yourself before you get into a relationship.
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on May 2, 2017
This book is really fun to read, and Tracy gives it to you like a conversation with a well-known girlfriend. She's straight-forward when you need it, and then gives you gentle guidance and encouragement when it's necessary as well. She calls you out on your stuff, but does it in a way where you know it's coming from a good place. Definitely a fun read and good one.
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on July 15, 2014
First off I should say, I'm in a relationship, but not married. I am in that phase where you think you have found "the one" (again) and you wonder why he still hasn't put a ring on it. I mean what is wrong with these guys?! Or maybe there's something wrong with me?! And that's why when it's time to commit they flake? If that's sounds like you, you should definitely read this book. But honestly every woman/girl should read this book! Some of what is in here I probably had figured out subconsciously, but the way she has articulated it is just really fun and whimsical to read. Some of the chapters reminded me of my own friends and they're own relationship failures. It's like she's somehow figured out what we are all doing wrong and finally tells us what none of our friends will tell us (or maybe it's because they just don't see it). I had a tone of "aha" moments reading this and I always thought of myself as being relationship savvy (boy was I wrong). This book has really shown me how I can better improve myself and really find the real me that is deep down and waiting to come out. And how when I start becoming that person it will trickle down into my relationships and also make me a more desirable partner. I've read another book on relationships before that I thought was amazing at the time, but this one really knocked it out of the park! If you are not sure whether you should read this or not, just do it! It's time well spent, and you will be so happy you did later!
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on August 12, 2016
This book was very uncomfortable to read to begin with. Tracy McMillan has a very straight-to-the-point way of talking to the readers that gives a who-do-you-think-you-are kind of feeling. Then came the enlightenment and the overwhelming (in a good way) sense of self awareness. And also a sense of (self) love, and peace with your past, because now you know, now you understand. Buy this book lady, it will change you (dating) life and make you a happier person.
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on February 5, 2017
I really like this book! This is probably the third book in my life that I've read in its entirety! The reason why I finished it was because I could hear the authors voice coming out through the pages like a friend. I feel as though her need for us as women to change is so strong that it comes out through her words! Very much appreciated for these are words/ chapters I needed to hear to change!
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