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A Widow's Story: A Memoir Hardcover – Deckle Edge, February 15, 2011
| Joyce Carol Oates (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
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Unlike anything Joyce Carol Oates has written before, A Widow’s Story is the universally acclaimed author’s poignant, intimate memoir about the unexpected death of Raymond Smith, her husband of forty-six years, and its wrenching, surprising aftermath. A recent recipient of National Book Critics Circle Ivan Sandrof Lifetime Achievement Award, Oates, whose novels (Blonde, The Gravedigger’s Daughter, Little Bird of Heaven, etc.) rank among the very finest in contemporary American fiction, offers an achingly personal story of love and loss. A Widow’s Story is a literary memoir on a par with The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion and Calvin Trillin’s About Alice.
- Print length432 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherEcco
- Publication dateFebruary 15, 2011
- Dimensions6.25 x 1.25 x 9.25 inches
- ISBN-100062015532
- ISBN-13978-0062015532
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
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Review
“In a narrative as searing as the best of her fiction, Oates describes the aftermath of her husband Ray’s unexpected death from pneumonia…It’s the painful, scorchingly angry journey of a woman struggling to live in a house “from which meaning has departed, like air leaking from a balloon.” -- Entertainment Weekly
“Joyce Carol Oates’s new memoir, A Widow’s Story, is a naked confession about the messy relation of art to life…A Widow’s Story, while about life after the death of a husband, is also about the intense inner life of a female genius…” -- Elle
“…A cascade-of-consciousness that will mostly mesmerize you and surely move you…a book more painfully self-revelatory than anything Oates the fiction writer or critic has ever dared to produce.” -- New York Times Book Review
“…As enthralling as it is painful…a searing account…It is characteristic of Oates’s superb balancing of the intellectual and the emotional that she enables a reader to experience Smith’s death in the dramatic way she herself did.” -- Washington Post
“Flourishes of black humor punctuate the drumbeat of grief, setting the book apart from works such as Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking.” -- Wall Street Journal
“A brave, dark but slyly mordant memoir…Oates rages at the dying of the light of her life in this unflinching, generous portrait of the terror of emptiness.” -- National Public Radio
“The novelist and essayist pens her most intimate book about the death of her husband of 46 years. Judging by the excerpt in The New Yorker Oates’ memoir will join Antonia Fraser and Joan Didion on the shelf of essential works on loss.” -- Daily Beast
“Oates’ raw emotion lifts the veil of the enormity of grief that most widows, and widowers, must feel at the loss of their partners in a way that will come as a shock to some and a relief to others.” -- Minneapolis Star Tribune
“A Widow’s Story is unlike anything Oates has written before…a poignant and raw examination of the obsessiveness and self-indulgence of grief…” -- Denver Post
“A harrowing tale…” -- Detroit News
“…Astonishingly candid…[Oates’s] suffering gushes forth in page after page of detailed prose, snatches of sentences, reportorial and intuitive, emotional and reflective…Oates set out to write a widow’s handbook. What she has accomplished is a story of a marriage.” -- Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
“Reads like a rending of garments…” -- Cleveland Plain Dealer
“A vivid and urgent memoir…” -- Dallas Morning News
“Oates writes movingly about the terror, depression and suicidal ruminations that dominated her existence in the months after Smith’s death…it’s impossible to be unmoved by Oates’ “Story,” by the degree to which she sees her husband everywhere she looks, as she finds beauty in the elusive notion of renewal.” -- Kansas City Star
“This is a brave, haunting, heart-rending book, and it will never let you go.” -- Providence Journal
“Affecting…perfectly pitched prose…” -- Richmond Times-Dispatch
“Joyce Carol Oates writes like a force of nature, and a story emerges, as if organically, from the physicality of her grief. There are few secrets and no lies, only insights into the inner world of her partner of 50 years.” -- Financial Times
“Widowhood for Oates is a rough, disfiguring condition, one that mocks past happiness. Words are her salvation. “A Widow’s Story” is a brave book that carries its author through the contortions of doubt and despair, on a pilgrimage back to life.” -- Charleston Post & Courier
“Packed with moments of…frankness…” -- Seattle Weekly
“An affecting portrait of anguish.” -- The Economist
“Astonishing…revelatory…[A Widow’s Story] is remarkable…for how candidly Oates explores the writer’s secret life: the private world of her marriage, which…she asserts is far truer and more real, and of far greater importance, than any of her imaginary creations.” -- Book Forum
“Oates excellently conveys the disconnect between the inwardly chaotic self and the outwardly functioning person…” -- New York Review of Books
“[Oates] shines a bright light in every corner in her soul-searing memoir of widowhood.” -- Publishers Weekly
“A wildly unhinged, deeply intimate look at the eminent author’s “derangement of Widowhood.”...Oates writes with gut-wrenching honesty and spares no one in ripping the illusions off the face of death...Oates continues to keep her readers guessing at her next thrilling effort.” -- Kirkus Reviews
“As a writer, heightened emotion is the essential ingredient in [Oates’] work…As A Widow’s Story progresses, it becomes [Raymond Smith’s] story--both an homage to a decent, intensely private man, and Oates’ way of keeping him in memory as she probes his most closely guarded self.” -- Seattle Times
From the Back Cover
In a work unlike anything she's written before, National Book Award winner Joyce Carol Oates unveils a poignant, intimate memoir about the unexpected death of her husband of forty-six years and its wrenching, surprising aftermath.
"My husband died, my life collapsed."
On a February morning in 2008, Joyce Carol Oates drove her ailing husband, Raymond Smith, to the emergency room of the Princeton Medical Center where he was diagnosed with pneumonia. Both Joyce and Ray expected him to be released in a day or two. But in less than a week, even as Joyce was preparing for his discharge, Ray died from a virulent hospital-acquired infection, and Joyce was suddenly faced—totally unprepared—with the stunning reality of widowhood.
A Widow's Story illuminates one woman's struggle to comprehend a life without the partnership that had sustained and defined her for nearly half a century. As never before, Joyce Carol Oates shares the derangement of denial, the anguish of loss, the disorientation of the survivor amid a nightmare of "death-duties," and the solace of friendship. She writes unflinchingly of the experience of grief—the almost unbearable suspense of the hospital vigil, the treacherous "pools" of memory that surround us, the vocabulary of illness, the absurdities of commercialized forms of mourning. Here is a frank acknowledgment of the widow's desperation—only gradually yielding to the recognition that "this is my life now."
Enlivened by the piercing vision, acute perception, and mordant humor that are the hallmarks of the work of Joyce Carol Oates, this moving tale of life and death, love and grief, offers a candid, never-before-glimpsed view of the acclaimed author and fiercely private woman.
About the Author
Joyce Carol Oates is a recipient of the National Medal of Humanities, the National Book Critics Circle Ivan Sandrof Lifetime Achievement Award, the National Book Award, and the 2019 Jerusalem Prize, and has been several times nominated for the Pulitzer Prize. She has written some of the most enduring fiction of our time, including the national bestsellers We Were the Mulvaneys; Blonde, which was nominated for the National Book Award; and the New York Times bestseller The Falls, which won the 2005 Prix Femina. She is the Roger S. Berlind Distinguished Professor of the Humanities at Princeton University and has been a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters since 1978.
Product details
- Publisher : Ecco; 1st edition (February 15, 2011)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 432 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062015532
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062015532
- Item Weight : 1.25 pounds
- Dimensions : 6.25 x 1.25 x 9.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #405,237 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,573 in Author Biographies
- #3,760 in Women's Biographies
- #12,073 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Joyce Carol Oates is the author of more than 70 books, including novels, short story collections, poetry volumes, plays, essays, and criticism, including the national bestsellers We Were the Mulvaneys and Blonde. Among her many honors are the PEN/Malamud Award for Excellence in Short Fiction and the National Book Award. Oates is the Roger S. Berlind Distinguished Professor of the Humanities at Princeton University, and has been a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters since 1978.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonReviewed in the United States on April 11, 2011
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The Widow - not a novel - wins as my favorite. I felt like she was my friend and sharing her experience with me. She is so open and descriptive and careful. My book club will be reading it this summer and I will be the discussion leader. I am so looking forward to it. Highly recommend it. My widowed friend read it and felt so good having many of her thoughts and feelings validated. Oates was very brave to write this and I think it had to be helpful to her grieving process.
Joyce Carol Oates gives her sorrow words in A Widow's Story: A Memoir, which chronicles the death of her longtime husband, Ontario Review editor, Ray Smith, and the first year of Oates' widowhood.
"Widowhood is the punishment for having been a wife," Oates writes in this powerful and poignant memoir.
If life were fair, couples that have been married for decades (Oates and Smith were together for 47 years and 25 days, Oates frequently points out) should be allowed to die together.
But life is anything but fair, and it's the job of survivors to carry on after the loss of a loved one, no mater how impossible that may seem, as Oates observes:
"Losing a spouse of 47 years is like losing a part of yourself-- the most valuable part. What is left behind seems so depleted, broken ... But this determination to manage--to cope--to do as much unassisted as possible-- is the widow's prerogative."
Losing a spouse can drain life of flavor and meaning, leaving the survivor a shell of themselves, as Oates notes:
"As a widow I will be reduced to a world of things. And these things retain but the faintest glimmer of their original identity and meaning as in a dead and desiccated husk of something once organic there might be discerned a glimmer of its original identity and meaning."
Oates also examines the frailty of life and the delicate balance of bio-chemistry that makes us human:
Harrowing to think that our identities-- the selves people believe they recognize in us: our "personalities"-- are a matter of oxygen, water and food and sleep-- deprived of just one of these our physical beings begin to alter almost immediately-- soon, to others we are no longer "ourselves"-- and yet, who else are we?
It's impossible not to compare Oates' A Widow's Story to Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. Both women are literary powerhouses examining the depths of grief following the death of their husbands. Oates subtlety references Didion's work, and her own "magical thinking" during her husband's short illness and death. Oates and Didion both imagine their husbands "just coming home," putting an end to the endless nightmare of widowhood. Magical thinking is a nice way of saying delusional or wishful thinking.
Widowhood forces a kind of exile, an otherness, as the widow moves through day-to-day life like a ghost.
"I could be a paraplegic observing dancers-- it isn't even envy I feel for them, almost a kind of disbelief, they are so utterly different from me, and so oblivious."
And a life devoid of meaning, isn't really a life at all, Oates says:
"To be human is to live with meaning. To live without meaning is to live sub-humanly."
"Giving sorrow words" is both painful and healing, and perhaps the only way back to the "land of the living" for a writer, as Oates notes in a letter to a fellow author.
"It's difficult to write when there's no joy. (I haven't gotten started again, myself.) Yet it's our only way out. Isn't it?"
Though deeply steeped in sorrow, The Widow's Story: A Memoir is ultimately a story of survival and rebirth. Oates knows whom to thank for helping her through the early days of widowhood.
"The blunt truth is: I would (very likely) not be alive except for my friends."
She also finds recovery and reconnection by embracing her late husband's favorite hobby: gardening:
"A gardener is one for whom the prospect of the future is not threatening but happy."
In the end, Oates finds the strength to carry on, even if it's a "half-life" frequently filled with sorrow and loss.
"This is my life now. Absurd, but unpredictable. Not absurd because unpredictable but unpredictable because absurd. If I have lost the meaning of my life, and the love of my life, I might still find small treasured things amid the spilled and pilfered trash."
We can all appreciate the world forged from Oates' personal pain, a world where life is simultaneously absurd, unpredictable and incredibility precious.
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Top reviews from other countries
If you are a 'fan' you will be interested in this book, but be aware that you may struggle.
In writing that sentence lies the core of my 'middle of the road' rating for this book, inasmuch as perhaps it is impossible for anyone to totally identify with MY grief.
For a few brief encounters, JCO connects with me. Not for long as she is soon consumed with almost unidentifiable philosophical conundrums. Perhaps it is her natural ability to write fiction that takes her into these realms. I do not know.
I would be interested to read the opinions of women who have not been widowed.
I was not looking for a 'Handbook for Widows', but I did want to feel an understood empathy and, in a way, recognition of the several very testing areas of widowhood. Unfortunately, this book reflects someone going through a different experience from mine as she obviously was.
This brings me full circle. It will rarely happen.








