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Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Paperback – September 8, 2009
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From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. After 26 years of practice, therapist McBride discovered a distressing commonality with her female patients: a narcissistic mother. I had treated scores of women who shared many of the same symptoms.... oversensitivity, indecisiveness, self-consciousness, lack of self-trust, inability to succeed in relationships, lack of confidence... and a general sense of insecurity, McBride writes, and she ties these traits to growing up without a nurturing maternal figure. According to the author, as many as 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder and can be detected by their self-absorption, inability to empathize and fixation with looks and appearance. McBride presents specific steps toward recovery that daughters of any age can use as they grieve for the love and support they didn't receive, set healthy boundaries with their mothers and access an internal mother as a source of self-comforting. The author provides parenting tips as well as advice on maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships—all of which tend to be weak points of the daughters of narcissistic mothers. An excellent bibliography rounds out this revealing book, which ends on a hopeful and pragmatic note. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.
"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? illuminates a very common and unnamed wound -- the wound that results from growing up with a narcissistic mother. In this engaging book, Karyl McBride provides a clear, honest, and effective way to heal this wound and live life fully and joyfully." -- Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
"Dr. Karyl McBride has convened a fellowship of female voices to describe every flavor of experience with maternal narcissism. However marginalized from the mainstream of mother-daughter relationships you may have felt before this, you are no longer alone on the road to recovery." -- Sandy Hotchkiss, Psy.D., L.C.S.W., author of Why Is It Always About You?
"Narcissistic mothers are always there when they need you. They expect to be the center of attention, and they can be cruel if they don't get what they want. Learning how to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers is a complex challenge. Dr. McBride offers a step-by-step approach to understanding narcissism, setting limits on the abuse, and recovering from the psychological damage. This book is a must read for every woman living in the shadow of a domineering, self-focused parent." -- Nanette Gartrell, M.D., author of My Answer Is NO...If That's Okay with You
"The long-term destructive consequences that narcissistic parents have for their children are well known. Until now, however, there has been little in the way of helpful advice for those who were raised by these parents. In this insightful new book, Dr. McBride presents a detailed examination of narcissistic mothers and the harmful effects on their daughters. She also offers practical, step-by-step guidance for working through these issues. This book is a terrific resource for those women raised by narcissistic mothers and looking for strategies for change." -- W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., author of When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself
"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience, who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul." -- Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All!)
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Please read this book if you even suspect you have a diminishing, overly self-centered mother. It is such a taboo in our society. It is a very hard concept to accept, which Dr. McBride reiterates over and over. We have been trained to be "good girls" and we all want that ideal family in our heads. Outwardly, my parents are still married, their three daughters grew up and flew the coup and they got a dog. Behind the curtain is a nightmare. Now when people ask me if I'm close to my mom I say "nope". I'm done carrying on the torch of pain, delusion and BS. This doesn't mean I will stop talking to her or retaliate in any way, it just brings me out of a deluded, painful and ineffective way of living my life, which is not at all the real me. I wish the best for both of us.
I find that this book fails to cover the manipulation we suffered and the distrust it causes. Dr. McBride doesn't cover the "how" either. She constantly stops mid explanation to say she will go more in depth on a subject in later chapters, which (never really happens and) fails to do. This is a quick book, not a deep read. The "recovering" portion, Part Three, is superficial and obvious. Yes, we must love ourselves and gain acceptance and understanding and move forward. Like I said earlier, she doesn't go into the "how" we go about doing this.
This book isn't for young women, or women who aren't focused on romance. Women who are too scared for romance get about a page dedicated to them. Not for those who want vast, clear, and forward explanations. This book was constantly cushioning the reader. I find that daughters of narcassistic mothers do not was fluffy words to comfort us: those types of things scare us. We reject them. We tense up and we automatically have disbelief and start arguing with the words to protect ourselves. I found that by the end of the book, I was more irritated with her than at peace.
It was alright. A quick, soft read. I didn't get answers, but it gave me some insight.