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Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar: Readings on Courting and Marrying (Ethics of Everyday Life) Paperback – March 15, 2017

by Amy A. Kass (Editor), Leon R. Kass (Editor)

10 customer reviews

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Despite current concerns for “family values” and the dissolution of marriages, Amy A. and Leon R. Kass see very little attention being paid to what makes for marital success. They argue there are no longer socially prescribed forms of conduct that help guide young men and women in the direction of matrimony; the very concepts of “wooing” and “courting” seem archaic. Yet they see major discontent with the present situation and detect among their students certain longings―for friendship, for wholeness, for a life that is serious and deep, and for associations that are trustworthy and lasting―longings they do not realize could be largely satisfied by marrying well. Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar: Courting and Marrying is an anthology of source readings offered as a response to the contemporary cultural silence surrounding love that leads to marriage. It addresses important questions that emerge not from theory, but from practice: Why marry? Is this love? How can I find and win the right one to marry? What about sex? Why a wedding and the promises of marriage? What can married life be like? Using readings taken mainly from classic texts of Homer, Herodotus, Plato, Aquinas, Erasmus, Shakespeare, Rousseau, Austen, Tolstoy, C.S. Lewis, Miss Manners, and many others, this collection challenges our unexamined opinions, expands our sympathies, elevates our gaze. It offers a higher kind of sex education, one that prepares hearts and minds for romance leading to lasting marriage, and introduces us to possibilities open to human beings in everyday life that may be undreamt of in our current philosophizing. This unapologetically pro-marriage anthology is intended to help young people of marriageable age and their parents think about the meaning, purpose, and virtues of marriage and, especially, about finding the right person with whom to make a life.

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Editorial Reviews

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“What once seemed self-evident connections between love and marriage are today obscured and widely denied. This book . . . is a corrective that both instructs and delights. In order to lift up the charms and complexities of man and woman’s need for each other, the Kasses enlist the help of Homer, Aquinas, Shakespeare, Austen, Tolstoy, C. S. Lewis, and a host of other worthies. Their extended introduction is rare wisdom distilled through their own marriage and in lively conversation with the best that has been thought and said about keeping faith with the promise of love. This is a book to return to again and again, tasting and testing the wondrous diversity of ways in which that promise has been, and can be, lived. There are also powerful cautionary tales about the tragic consequences of the promise betrayed. Highly recommended for both personal reflection and classroom use.” (First Things)

About the Author

Amy A. Kass (1940–2015) was an American academic and a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute. Kass spent most of her career as a professor of classic texts in the College of the University of Chicago. Her scholarly interests included courtship and marriage, civic engagement, citizenship and citizen formation, and philanthropy. She is the author of American Lives: Cultural Differences, Individual Distinction.

Series: Ethics of Everyday Life
Paperback: 658 pages
Publisher: University of Notre Dame Press; 1st edition (February 22, 2000)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0268019606
ISBN-13: 978-0268019600
Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.7 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 2.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 10 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #342,137 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #263 in Books > Religion & Spirituality > Religious Studies > Ethics
- #296 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Friendship
- #527 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Sociology > Marriage & Family

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Joe Ralias

Great readings

March 1, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I bought this for a Family and Politics class. The readings that the Kasses have gathered are essential not for every individual, but for our society that de-emphasizes marriage and does not understand courtship. These are reminders from a past that understood something vital about the human condition. If more people were to read through this book with a view to understanding their own relationships and goals better, we would have a better society. These are the good examples that have been replaced by celebrities.

2 people found this helpful3 people found this helpful

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Roger C

Whither solid marriages? It's the Culture, Stupid.

June 21, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

If you want to know what happened to real marriages, this anthology gives you a lot of food for thought.

One person found this helpful

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TayRob2015

Wing to Wing

February 19, 2012

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This a wonderful book with lots of informative essays for any person studying courtship and marriage or just wishing to learn more about how to have a successful relationship. The essays are broken up well and you can read the entire book at once or read it in small chunks.

One person found this helpful2 people found this helpful

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Cleopatra

The book was fine.

April 8, 2013

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

The book has a great cross section of stories to read that are enlightening. The only criticism would be that the exeprts from longer books be put into better context for a reader that has not read the full book.

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Stephen J Holcomb

The wisdom of the ages...or throwbacks to an earlier time?

December 4, 2001

Format: Paperback

Some reviewers seem insistent that Amy and Leon Kass are stuck in a cultural and intellectual backwater, still insisting on ideas and values that are badly out of date.
Others say that Leon and Amy Kass have written the best answer to modern misunderstandings and mistakes concerning marriage and sexual relationships.
They are accused of trying to force their narrow, archaic views of the sexual nature of humanity.
They are also accused of depending strangely on ancient writings that have little 'scientific' value.
Leon and Amy Kass admit themselves that most of the writings they draw from are old--but the value of such writings is in finding what the people who wrote them have in common with modern times.
Basic facts of life--like the connection between sexuality and reproduction, the connection between monagomy and stable societies, and the connection between morality and healthy relationships--are the themes that hold this book together.
The book tends to question many modern assumptions--not for the purpose of turning back the clock, but for the purpose of finding a way to improve the future prospects in relationships, marriages, and society in general.
At no point do the editors preach to the reader. Instead, they encourage the reader to think--and to feel--and to explore the meaning of being a human being.
This book is written for college-level reading, although an intelligent high school student (one who has been trained to think for himself) can readily understand it.

62 people found this helpful63 people found this helpful

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Thomas Parker, Jr.

A Wonderful Gift

February 26, 2000

Format: Paperback

Amy and Leon Kass have presented a wonderful gift to parents and to their children. Parents will cherish the book's wisdom as they try to instruct their children, whether of marriageable age or younger, about the ritual (courtship) leading to the ultimate commitment (marriage). Young adults facing, it seems, a directionless world will cherish the guidance the book provides. All readers will admire the clarity and the beauty with which almost all of the many authors, including the Kass's, communicate their messages. The Kass's draw on a remarkable variety of sources, from the ancient religious (Genesis) through classical literature up to and including modern sociology. Even "Miss Manners" (Judith Martin) is cited and she has good things to say. A few of the selections are a bit difficult and may easily be skimmed, skipped or saved for a second try later. Most are easy to read and many are downright enjoyable. One selection from Tolstoy (from "War and Peace": The Courtship of Pierre and Helene) tells the reader exactly how NOT to enter into the ultimate commitment. Another (Divakaruni, "The Word Love") is truly heartbreaking as its depicts some of the consequences of a typical modern "relationship". I've already ordered copies of the book for my young adult daughters, and I'm encouraging my 10th grader (a voracious reader) to take a crack at it. Thank you, Amy and Leon Kass!

79 people found this helpful80 people found this helpful

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Mary W Taylor

Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar

February 2, 2000

Format: Paperback

> This anthology on Courting and Marrying was very interesting and bolstering of many things I knew to be right and good. The authors say that all the selections are not what they deem a single coherent traditional teaching on the subject, but that they are offered "in wisdom-seeking rather than wisdom-delivering-spirit, as writings that make us think, that challenge our unexamined opinions, expand our symnpathies, elevate our gaze, and introduce us to possibilities open to human beings in everyday life that may be undreamt of in our philosophizing." pg.19. It was eye-opening to trace the decline of courtship at the beginning of the 20th century and what the emergence of dating methods did to male and female relationships. The authors see an increased failure of marriages NOT because courting isn't done the old fashioned way but because certain elements of what makes marriages work are no longer even considered. . Largely elements that have become secondary in importance to the current all encompassing reason for marriage, ROMANTIC LOVE. Not to say that romantic love shouldn't be a factor, but that it is not necessarily the greatest or only factor. Also included are reflections on the virtue of modesty, the merit of waiting and the fulfillment of partnership and parenting. A good resource and thought provoking book.

135 people found this helpful136 people found this helpful

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